Why Is My Sis Such A Pain In The Neck?
July 18, 2003 | 12:00am
SISTERS ACT …AND MOM REACTS By Mai Mai & China Cojuangco and Tingting Cojuangco
DEAR CHINA, MAIMAI AND TINGTING,
I’m 27. I live alone and work in a pharmaceutical company. I am based in Sorsogon while the rest of my family live in Manila. My problem is an overbearing older sister who thinks she’s always right. I’m so far away but every time I call her to catch up on family news, we end up arguing. Considering our distance, I don’t know why she still has this effect on me when I can very well erase her from my life. Does she have the right to choose my girlfriends for me, insult my work and castigate me each time we talk? What do you think? Should I sever my ties with her?
TOTO
Your family is your support system. While they should be free to give their opinion about your life decisions or point out your mistakes or shortcomings, they should also be encouraging of your own needs. Could it be that she wants you back in Manila and only misses you? If you want to catch up with some family news, call your parents or your other siblings. Don’t "erase her from your life" but try to avoid her if you feel she’s in a foul mood.
CHINA
Sometimes, older siblings really feel responsible over the younger ones. She probably forgot you’re 27 because in her eyes, you’re still younger than her. Accept her opinion but don’t argue with her. I don’t think cutting your ties with her will help your case either. Apart from hurting your parents and other family members, it will cause a bigger rift between you two. Limit your calls to her and discuss only things that won’t lead to a feisty discussion. You live apart. Make your conversations productive.
MAIMAI
I am tempted to say that family is family and you shouldn’t even consider severing your ties with her. Your family is supposed to be your refuge. However, if your sister is doing more harm than good to your well-being, then maybe yours is a different situation. I suggest you reassess your position. I don’t think it’s wise for me to give you a half-baked advice regarding your sister. Remember, it is only in extreme cases that you turn your back on family.
TINGTING
Living-in woes
DEAR CHINA, MAIMAI AND TINGTING,
I’m 21 years old and have been living in with someone for three years. He is presently reviewing for a licensure exam and is staying in Manila until December. The problem is I think he is unfaithful and has been having other relationships. The past days, he has been accidentally sending me text messages I believe is intended for another girl. I have not confronted him but I’m really hurt. This has happened before and he has confessed. I’ve always forgiven him because I love him so much. Please help me. How will I handle the problem without me getting hurt and him changing for the better? I don’t think I can split up with him after all these years. What about my reputation? What will people say?
LONELY
Just because the guy has done this before doesn’t mean that he’s doing it again. Don’t be harsh; talk to him first. Who knows, you might just be wrong. However, if he makes another confession, then I think you should just pack your clothes and dump him. You should start thinking of yourself before you completely make a fool of yourself. Don’t think of what others would say. It’s your life you’re destroying if you insist on staying with someone who doesn’t care for you.
CHINA
Of course, you can split up with him, never mind if you’ve lived-in for three years. Actually, you should do it immediately because it’s obvious that he’s lost your trust. You’re still young and you won’t find it hard to start over. It’s going to be difficult, of course, but then again, you’ll have a fighting chance for a life that’s less troublesome.
MAIMAI
There’s no way for you to solve this problem without getting hurt. Confront him and ask him if what you’re feeling is true. Just be prepared for another confession because you said he has done this before. If this is so, your first option is to forgive him again. This runs the risk of him being a recidivist, meaning he will do it over and over again. Eventually, this will ruin you and hurt you some more. Your second option is one that I would strongly suggest you do. If you really think there’s nothing to salvage in that relationship, leave him. You didn’t think of what others would say when you lived-in with him, why think of what they would say now? You’re actually lucky you’re not married to the guy because you can cut clean and start anew. There’ll be some hurt feelings but, at least, you’re out of a bad relationship.
TINGTING
Send questions to sistersact_ys@yahoo.com
DEAR CHINA, MAIMAI AND TINGTING,
I’m 27. I live alone and work in a pharmaceutical company. I am based in Sorsogon while the rest of my family live in Manila. My problem is an overbearing older sister who thinks she’s always right. I’m so far away but every time I call her to catch up on family news, we end up arguing. Considering our distance, I don’t know why she still has this effect on me when I can very well erase her from my life. Does she have the right to choose my girlfriends for me, insult my work and castigate me each time we talk? What do you think? Should I sever my ties with her?
TOTO
Your family is your support system. While they should be free to give their opinion about your life decisions or point out your mistakes or shortcomings, they should also be encouraging of your own needs. Could it be that she wants you back in Manila and only misses you? If you want to catch up with some family news, call your parents or your other siblings. Don’t "erase her from your life" but try to avoid her if you feel she’s in a foul mood.
CHINA
Sometimes, older siblings really feel responsible over the younger ones. She probably forgot you’re 27 because in her eyes, you’re still younger than her. Accept her opinion but don’t argue with her. I don’t think cutting your ties with her will help your case either. Apart from hurting your parents and other family members, it will cause a bigger rift between you two. Limit your calls to her and discuss only things that won’t lead to a feisty discussion. You live apart. Make your conversations productive.
MAIMAI
I am tempted to say that family is family and you shouldn’t even consider severing your ties with her. Your family is supposed to be your refuge. However, if your sister is doing more harm than good to your well-being, then maybe yours is a different situation. I suggest you reassess your position. I don’t think it’s wise for me to give you a half-baked advice regarding your sister. Remember, it is only in extreme cases that you turn your back on family.
TINGTING
DEAR CHINA, MAIMAI AND TINGTING,
I’m 21 years old and have been living in with someone for three years. He is presently reviewing for a licensure exam and is staying in Manila until December. The problem is I think he is unfaithful and has been having other relationships. The past days, he has been accidentally sending me text messages I believe is intended for another girl. I have not confronted him but I’m really hurt. This has happened before and he has confessed. I’ve always forgiven him because I love him so much. Please help me. How will I handle the problem without me getting hurt and him changing for the better? I don’t think I can split up with him after all these years. What about my reputation? What will people say?
LONELY
Just because the guy has done this before doesn’t mean that he’s doing it again. Don’t be harsh; talk to him first. Who knows, you might just be wrong. However, if he makes another confession, then I think you should just pack your clothes and dump him. You should start thinking of yourself before you completely make a fool of yourself. Don’t think of what others would say. It’s your life you’re destroying if you insist on staying with someone who doesn’t care for you.
CHINA
Of course, you can split up with him, never mind if you’ve lived-in for three years. Actually, you should do it immediately because it’s obvious that he’s lost your trust. You’re still young and you won’t find it hard to start over. It’s going to be difficult, of course, but then again, you’ll have a fighting chance for a life that’s less troublesome.
MAIMAI
There’s no way for you to solve this problem without getting hurt. Confront him and ask him if what you’re feeling is true. Just be prepared for another confession because you said he has done this before. If this is so, your first option is to forgive him again. This runs the risk of him being a recidivist, meaning he will do it over and over again. Eventually, this will ruin you and hurt you some more. Your second option is one that I would strongly suggest you do. If you really think there’s nothing to salvage in that relationship, leave him. You didn’t think of what others would say when you lived-in with him, why think of what they would say now? You’re actually lucky you’re not married to the guy because you can cut clean and start anew. There’ll be some hurt feelings but, at least, you’re out of a bad relationship.
TINGTING
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