Love and the Urban Singles Tribe (Part II)

I notice that in my group of friends, a vast majority are unattached. Probably only 1/10th of my friends are romantically involved and even then it’s either they are 1) So cool that we single ones don’t feel loser-y or not up to scratch next to them...no smug superiority complex going on there 2) Don’t go soft porn on us and make out and call each other baby names (ech!) 3) Always breaking up and thus find refuge in our relief center in times of disaster.

The married ones don’t really disappear but they don’t participate in the tribe activities either. Rather, they are elevated to a level equal to that of a diva in the showbiz industry. They choose to make their appearances discriminately. Meaning they’ll only come out of their domestic bliss bubble only when very important. Just like Barbra Streisand won’t do just any talk show or interview. Single people belonging to a UST (Urban Singles Tribe) also tend to do things that make coupled folks queasy. Singles usually go out frequently at a pace that puts the Hilton sisters to shame.

They also talk about "scammable" people and the fresh hotties in town which committed folks do not want to hear, because acquisition of such information is dangerous and futile. Committed folks also have the luxury of quality alone time which singles only use when they want to recover from a hangover. The fun thing about being in a crew of singles is that: 1) You can flirt with each other with no strings attached 2) Flirt with strangers with no whipping 3) Talk about flirting without judgement.

Friendships these days have increased in their stock value. Today as love relationships have diminished in assessment, friendships seem to have taken over to nourish the modern urbanite with the much-needed love, empathy, companionship and trust. We now esteem the value of our friends at an all-time high! It used to be that people grew up and became adults. And once they did they got hitched and had kids. No social life except for the monthly bridge games at the neighborhood church (how rockin’). Today, there is more to life than having your very own nuclear family. Contemporary times have inclined us towards the urge of becoming complete and accomplished individuals before falling into the abyss of matrimony. Additionally the cause of the commitment recession is because people are more f***ed up than ever. People are naturally more self-involved and now prioritize more worldly things.

Modern living with all its conveniences has made life relatively easy. Thus our spoiled selves develop a relatively low threshold when it comes to inconveniences. We are less willing to sacrifice, to get hurt, to compromise and to give. Thus the new love relationship is prepared with ambiguity, indifference and caginess. It is sort of the Echinacea that protects us from the heartbreak and havoc that real love may inflict on our carefully groomed selves and meticulously-styled lives. We have such high standards when it comes to love that we do not risk marring the facade of flawlessness that we have created for ourselves. Thus we settle into weak and slack relationships that have the dependability of a wet facial tissue but share the consequences similar to an overdose of vitamin C.

As the notion of the perfect family is now put into the back burner, the UST becomes family. We pour onto them the love, time and devotion that we would normally have doused on a romantic partner. We form a friendly and harmless cult. However, the UST is not meant to last forever. Though true friendships may sail on for the rest of our lives. The dynamic energy of the tribe will soon cease. All good things come to an end. Just like Seinfeld in its last few episodes, the plot soon wears thin. Life constantly changes and so should we along with it. Soon all my single friends will find that perfect (or at least near perfect) someone with whom they will be willing to imperil their charily-manicured lives for.

I know one day I’ll have to give up my rock ‘n roll life to rock a real baby rocker. Yet this rite of passage of crewdom, which is a unique 21st-century manifestation, continues to save me from the banality of living alone in the concrete jungle... The memories and lessons learned from my chosen family will fill me with prosperity and love that will inadvertently make me a great companion to my unfound loved one.

There are a lot of misgivings to be said about living in this time of avariciousness and vanity. It is the awareness of these bugs that pushes us to go against the waves and struggle to find something real. I find that sometimes we tend to stick to things that simply lack the shadows of doubt and discord but are essentially empty and forgo the things that instill virtue in us, due to the fact that dealing with such a thing can be too tedious. Our families, dysfunctional or not, are God-given and serve a particular purpose. Our friends, however, are brothers and sisters we select for ourselves. They give us a chance to go beyond our smothered egos and be selfless. They make us believe in love, in the goodness of people and give a renaissance to the concept of trust that may have been eradicated given that we all live in a lackluster, emotionally challenged and spiritually confused epoch.

As moralists around the world proclaim over and over again the death of the family values, being with your friends is actually a fresh expression of it. Platonic mirth is a wonderful thing, enjoy it while it lasts.