A gentleman's guide to losing an election

I ran for the Senate and lost. It was a painful, heartbreaking experience. But it taught me a lot of things. Particularly about how you can lose and still strive to be a gentleman. What is a gentleman? Well, being a gentleman is not about breeding (haven’t we all known too many well-bred jerks?), wealth (some of my most financially-challenged friends are the epitome of gentlemanliness), or manners (although real gentlemen should have good manners). Essentially, being a gentleman is doing what is right. So a gentleman acts with honesty, integrity and graciousness. This means defining and being a gentleman is both difficult and simple at the same time. And although we all falter sometimes, being one should be our aspiration, even as we struggle towards it. For an aspiring gentleman like myself, this is how a gentleman should lose an election:

1. A gentleman does not make excuses for his loss. Please don’t become a cliché. “No, I didn’t lose, I was cheated!” Only FPJ — and if your last name is Pimentel — had the right to say that. Almost all other politicians who have used this line were simply not gracious enough to accept their defeat with dignity. Sure, learn your lessons from your failure and understand why you didn’t make it. But don’t blame it on cheating, lack of money, or the immature electorate. Not only is making excuses not the classy thing to do, it is, more importantly, mentally dishonest because you knew the dangers of running for public office from the very beginning.

 2. A gentleman says thank you. Yes, you lost but remember that a lot of people helped you during the campaign. Thank them. Especially your supporters who may even feel the loss worse than you do. Gratitude during the worst of times is a badge of good character and will remind the people who have helped you that they weren’t wrong in giving you their support.

 3. A gentleman is not afraid to cry. Losing sucks. No amount of rationalization will change the painful fact that despite your effort, good intentions, and sacrifice, the voters still did not choose you. What’s important — whether you shed actual tears or not — is that you fully accept your loss, mourn it properly, gain some wisdom, and then move forward. Hopefully, onto better things.

 4. A gentleman will support the winners. You may feel that you are brighter, more honest, and better qualified than the victor and it may even be true. However, the fact is that he was chosen by the voters and you weren’t. Since he was given the mandate to govern, as a good citizen, you must cooperate with our elected leaders to help our country succeed. A sense of statesmanship dictates setting aside your personal feelings towards your political opponents for the greater good. Of course, the alternative is to work to undermine the next administration. That is the way of the “trapo” or traditional/transactional politician who views politics not as public service but simply as a zero-sum game. Let us make one thing clear: Gentlemen are not trapos and trapos — no matter how rich, well-bred, connected, or educated — will never be gentlemen. On a personal level, while I didn’t vote for the President-elect, at the end of the day, he is as much my president as he is for those who voted and campaigned for him. So if I can do something in my own capacity to help his administration succeed, then I shouldn’t hesitate to do it.

 5. A gentleman keeps his promises. Candidates will promise the moon and stars to the voters. After the elections, they get a chronic case of selective amnesia. A promise is a promise and just because you lost doesn’t mean that your advocacies (whether it be on education, reproductive health, or poverty alleviation) or the help that you promised your potential constituents doesn’t count anymore. Keep your pledges and, whether or not you do decide to run again, people will appreciate you as a man of his word.

6. A gentleman, if he stumbles, gets back on his feet quickly. Finally, don’t let your electoral loss be your excuse to become an alcoholic, neglect your business or your profession, or abandon your family. Your losing an election does not mean that you are, therefore, a loser forever; so don’t act like one. The world does not stop turning because of your personal defeats. Pick yourself up and move forward. Remember, even the most hyper-competitive and successful athlete of all time, Michael Jordan, had to wait seven long years in the NBA before he finally got his NBA Championship. He didn’t let his years of failure destroy him. Instead, he used them as motivation and fuel to become perhaps the best to ever play the game of basketball. That, in fact, is the most vital lesson there is for anyone going through some failure in life: that losing may even be the best thing for you, if you use it to your advantage to grow, learn and act with graciousness and integrity. Take a lesson from MJ. You know what they eventually call people who genuinely learn from their failures and mistakes: winners.

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For comments and suggestions, e-mail me at adel.tamano@yahoo.com or citizenadel.blogspot.com.