A Bethrotal Story

Banaran in Sapa Sapa Municipality in Tawi-Tawi cast a magic spell on us. How lucky we were to have landed at its wharf just in time to chase after a procession. A suitor was formalizing his request for the hand of his fiancée in a pre-wedding ceremony called the Paqua-Mamah.

The members of the boy’s family and his extended family marched on. The men in sablays and the women in malongs carried sacks of rice, flour, bananas, jackfruit and corn on this special march. They also carried a miniature house of crepe paper and sticks of wood decorated with multi-colored paper flowers in red, yellow and aqua. Real paper money in various denominations was pasted onto barbecue sticks that were attached to the house beside the crepe flowers. On the windows of the little house hung P50 bills in a line, while on the side stood P100 bills and on its roof, P500 bills. They also brought a pair of goats and a pair of chickens. The procession wound its way to the future bride’s house – a 19-year-old girl, the object of this pre-arranged marriage, who remained in her room hidden from everyone’s view. As was customary, this activity took place between 3 and 4 p.m.

On our way to the girl’s house, as we were determined to be a party in this important event, we passed by four teenagers. They banged on their makeshift musical instruments made of plastic containers used to hold their mothers’ supply of rainwater. One container was transformed into a conga. Another became a guitar with strings attached to both ends of the container. It served as their base guitar which the boys called tic-tac. A third had two pieces of wood tied beneath the plastic container and jutting out so the musician could step on it. Then he would let go making the stick hit the container and produce a sound, bang-bang. It all went with the beat of big and small oil tin cans which they hit, the guitars and a harmonica. The harmonica was the only "sane" musical instrument the boy played to the tune of Baleleng. We had heard it so often in Bongao. I think it was more popular than the Filipino national anthem.

Surely, with the governor’s presence, we were invited to the party and entered the prospective bride’s home. In the girl’s house, Baleleng was playing over and over again, through a sound system that was battery-operated since there was no electricity in Banaran. The father of the bride immediately placed a mat in the center of the living room and the miniature house was brought by the suitor’s family for us to scrutinize and photograph. After we sat comfortably on the floor, coffee was served. One of the members of the party offered the girl’s father a pack of cigarettes, Super Light 555, from Sabah. I believe this took the place of the betel nut box which once upon a time contained nut, lime, leaf and resin. This box was handed then over to the father of the would be bride.

After puffing on the cigarettes, an elderly person assigned as the groom’s spokesman addressed the head of the entourage and the following dialogue ensued in Samal. Now you read translated into English.

"By the way, my friends, we are greatly amazed by your unusual act of kindness, bringing us different kinds of food and assorted items. You must be going on a journey, and are prepared to be stranded or lost upon the way. Am I right?"

The head of the entourage responded:

"No, friend, we prepared all these things for we knew exactly where to go. That is precisely the reason why we came to this house, because this is our destination. We have a very important mission. And our mission is to ask for a ‘share’ of the inheritance of the couple."

The spokesman queried:

"What do you mean, friend?"

The head of the entourage replied.

"We wish that the daughter of the host, Fatima Sahaya, share her life with the suitor’s family and the suitor."

"If that is your mission, we cannot deny your honest intention. Your proposal is accepted, but on one condition, that you comply with our request."

"Yes, we will. Please tell us."

The spokesman from the girl’s side enumerated the so-called "bride wealth" needed. These were the following items requested: P5,500 in cash, two sacks of rice, one sack of sugar, two reams of cigarettes, 200 rice cakes, one dozen cans of sliced pineapple, five kilos of coffee, six blankets, two pairs of goats, two pairs of chickens and a fishing boat.

Through the representatives of both bride and groom, the nuptial arrangements were agreed upon. The dowry from the parents of the bridegroom for the parents of the bride is called "the bride-gift." It is considered by some Moros as compensation for the loss of the female in her family and as a partial reimbursement to her family for her upbringing. This gift is commensurate according to the status of the bride’s family. The amount is a matter of negotiation between the families of the would-be couple. The bride-gift may be rendered in cash or in kind or both.

The date was finally set. It would be a month or maybe less being the usual time to accommodate the betrothal activities and the wedding preparations. It was jointly agreed upon and then announced that one or two weeks before the wedding day, there would be nightly merrymaking at the residences of both prospective bride and groom.

We left Banaran in a happy mood with the music of Baleleng ringing in our ears, thinking, oh to be in love! What bliss! In actuality the bride may not love her groom nor the groom love his bride, but they would have to learn to.

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Now here’s an extraordinary story: "Cupid put a romantic touch to what was otherwise a routine of bloody conflict between the combatants, Moro and Christian in 1788. A Moro chief and heir to the Sultanate of Maguindanao, called Principe Ylin, became so enamored with a fair Christian maiden from the town of Ajuy, Iloilo. To marry her, he renounced his faith and his throne and accepted his wife’s faith. No less than the archbishop of Manila taught Principe Ylin the Christian tenets. He was baptized Don Joseph Mariano del Carmen. He certainly proved his love and his loyalty to his wife and to the Spanish colonial government by becoming a fearless anti-Moro fighter."

Hope you had a meaningful Valentine’s Day.