Worst Wishes
November 11, 2001 | 12:00am
If you were walking on a beach, found a bottle and rubbed it, and a genie popped out saying he would grant you three wishes, what would you wish for? A million dollars, a royal palace, a Lear jet, beautiful women, eternal youth, everlasting life? Just remember to be careful about what you wish, for it might come true!
So the husband is getting undressed for bed and his wife notices that he has a big cork sticking out of his behind. She asks him, "How the hell did you get that cork up your bu–?"
The husband says, "Well, this morning I found this bottle and rubbed it. A genie popped out and said he’d grant me one wish, give me anything I wanted."
"So what did you say?" the wife asks.
"I said, "No sh*t!?"
Rajarishi says: Speak words that speak well of you.
Sender: Marlou Lopez
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "Great. I’ve always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want one billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand-new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red, brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
Rajarishi warns: Seemingly insignificant thoughts can bring about great disaster.
Sender: Josine Bernardo
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly, he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and the whole floor is covered with $100 bills.
Then, suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb, and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off.
As they are walking away, they remove their hoods. It’s the two genies.
One genie says to the other, "Hey, I can understand the first wish of having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to; I can also understand wanting to be a millionaire. But to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
Rajarishi cautions: What you mean is not necessarily what others understand.
Sender: Bobbie
A guy finds a magic lamp on the beach. The genie informs him that he gets three wishes, but whatever he gets, his ex-wife would get twice as much.
"How about $1,000,000?" he asked.
"Your ex-wife now has $2,000,000 in her account as well," said the genie.
"I’ve always wanted a Benz, how about that?"
"Your wife now has two of those cars."
For the last wish he had to think for a while and say, "Beat me half to death!"
Rajarishi advises: All’s well that is planned well.
Sender: Christelle Anne
These three guys are out having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.
Now, one of these guys just doesn’t believe it and says, "Okay, if you can really grant wishes, then double my IQ!"
The mermaid says, "Done!"
Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzes it with extreme insight.
The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple my IQ!"
The mermaid says: "Done!" The guy starts to spout the solutions to mathematical problems that have stymied chemists, physicists and mathematicians since the beginning of time.
The last guy is so impressed that he says to the mermaid, "Quintuple my IQ!"
The mermaid looks at him and says, "I don’t normally try to change people’s minds when they make a wish, but I’d really wish you’d reconsider."
The guy says, "No way, I want you to quintuple my IQ, and if you don’t, I won’t set you free."
"Please," says the mermaid, "you don’t know what you’re asking...it will change your entire view of the universe. Won’t you ask for something else...10 million dollars, anything?"
No matter how hard the mermaid pleads, he remains steadfast. He insists on having his IQ increased fivefold.
The mermaid sighs and says, "Done!"
And he turns into a woman. (This was obviously written by a woman! – DERO)
Rajarishi chuckles: Women will always claim to be better than men.
Sender: Aimee Tiu
An airplane crashed on the Pacific Ocean. Three males survived, and they lived on an uninhabited island for five years. One day, they found a bottle. Thinking it was wine, they opened it and lo, a genie came out of the bottle!
Said the genie, "I’ll grant you all a wish."
And the first man said, "I miss my family so much that I wish to get out of this island and be with them." Click! The genie clicked his fingers and granted his wish.
The second one said, "I don’t have any relatives so I wish to be rich and live in a palace with a beautiful princess." Click! And the genie granted it, too.
The third one thought really hard as to what he will wish for that it took all day to decide. Finally at midnight, he said with tears streaming down his eyes, "Genie, I don’t like being rich and I am an orphan and the two guys who left me are my only family and I miss them so much so I wish that you would send them back here." Click! And the genie granted him his wish, disappearing happily because he was finally free. And the three stooges? They lived, but not so happily ever after.
Rajarishi admonishes: Choose friends who won’t pull you down.
Sender: Lunastarr
There were these four guys – a Russian, a German, an American and a Frenchman – who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the four guys had released him from the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are four swimming pools. I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "Wine!" The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next was the Russian’s turn, he did the same and shouted, "Vodka!" and immersed himself happily into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "Beer!" He was so tipsily contented with his pool of beer.
The last was the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "Sh-t!!!"
Rajarishi counsels:Think twice before saying anything because once you’ve said it, you can never take it back. Sender: Erwin Lusung
One day a beautiful peasant girl was walking in the woods when she saw a frog caught in a trap.
The frog pleaded, "Please set me free. I am a prince but an evil witch cast a spell on me. Get me out of this trap – kiss me and be my princess!"
The maiden had heard of stories like this before and thought that the frog would put an end to her family’s poverty and misery. So, she set the frog free, closed her eyes, and kissed it on the lips so gently.
Phoof! She turned into a frog with a little golden crown and cried miserably ever after.
Rajarishi says: 1) Kissing a frog makes you a frog. 2) Money and gold do not a princess make.
A not-so-fairy-tale by DERO
I’d love to hear from you! E-mail deeperdoor@yahoo.com (no attachments and chain letters, please!) Reprinting or publishing in any form including the Web requires permission from the author. My book Jewels for the Mind, a collection of thoughts, formulas, and affirmations for success, prosperity and fulfillment, is available at National Book Store.
THE CORK |
So the husband is getting undressed for bed and his wife notices that he has a big cork sticking out of his behind. She asks him, "How the hell did you get that cork up your bu–?"
The husband says, "Well, this morning I found this bottle and rubbed it. A genie popped out and said he’d grant me one wish, give me anything I wanted."
"So what did you say?" the wife asks.
"I said, "No sh*t!?"
Rajarishi says: Speak words that speak well of you.
Sender: Marlou Lopez
IRRESISTIBLE |
The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "Great. I’ve always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want one billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand-new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red, brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
Rajarishi warns: Seemingly insignificant thoughts can bring about great disaster.
Sender: Josine Bernardo
THE TWO GENIES |
The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly, he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and the whole floor is covered with $100 bills.
Then, suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb, and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off.
As they are walking away, they remove their hoods. It’s the two genies.
One genie says to the other, "Hey, I can understand the first wish of having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to; I can also understand wanting to be a millionaire. But to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
Rajarishi cautions: What you mean is not necessarily what others understand.
Sender: Bobbie
CLEVER WISH! |
"How about $1,000,000?" he asked.
"Your ex-wife now has $2,000,000 in her account as well," said the genie.
"I’ve always wanted a Benz, how about that?"
"Your wife now has two of those cars."
For the last wish he had to think for a while and say, "Beat me half to death!"
Rajarishi advises: All’s well that is planned well.
Sender: Christelle Anne
THE MERMAID |
Now, one of these guys just doesn’t believe it and says, "Okay, if you can really grant wishes, then double my IQ!"
The mermaid says, "Done!"
Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzes it with extreme insight.
The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple my IQ!"
The mermaid says: "Done!" The guy starts to spout the solutions to mathematical problems that have stymied chemists, physicists and mathematicians since the beginning of time.
The last guy is so impressed that he says to the mermaid, "Quintuple my IQ!"
The mermaid looks at him and says, "I don’t normally try to change people’s minds when they make a wish, but I’d really wish you’d reconsider."
The guy says, "No way, I want you to quintuple my IQ, and if you don’t, I won’t set you free."
"Please," says the mermaid, "you don’t know what you’re asking...it will change your entire view of the universe. Won’t you ask for something else...10 million dollars, anything?"
No matter how hard the mermaid pleads, he remains steadfast. He insists on having his IQ increased fivefold.
The mermaid sighs and says, "Done!"
And he turns into a woman. (This was obviously written by a woman! – DERO)
Rajarishi chuckles: Women will always claim to be better than men.
Sender: Aimee Tiu
A WISH TO END ALL WISHES |
Said the genie, "I’ll grant you all a wish."
And the first man said, "I miss my family so much that I wish to get out of this island and be with them." Click! The genie clicked his fingers and granted his wish.
The second one said, "I don’t have any relatives so I wish to be rich and live in a palace with a beautiful princess." Click! And the genie granted it, too.
The third one thought really hard as to what he will wish for that it took all day to decide. Finally at midnight, he said with tears streaming down his eyes, "Genie, I don’t like being rich and I am an orphan and the two guys who left me are my only family and I miss them so much so I wish that you would send them back here." Click! And the genie granted him his wish, disappearing happily because he was finally free. And the three stooges? They lived, but not so happily ever after.
Rajarishi admonishes: Choose friends who won’t pull you down.
Sender: Lunastarr
THE FOUR SWIMMING POOLS |
Thankful that the four guys had released him from the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are four swimming pools. I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "Wine!" The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next was the Russian’s turn, he did the same and shouted, "Vodka!" and immersed himself happily into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "Beer!" He was so tipsily contented with his pool of beer.
The last was the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "Sh-t!!!"
Rajarishi counsels:Think twice before saying anything because once you’ve said it, you can never take it back. Sender: Erwin Lusung
THE FROG PRINCE |
The frog pleaded, "Please set me free. I am a prince but an evil witch cast a spell on me. Get me out of this trap – kiss me and be my princess!"
The maiden had heard of stories like this before and thought that the frog would put an end to her family’s poverty and misery. So, she set the frog free, closed her eyes, and kissed it on the lips so gently.
Phoof! She turned into a frog with a little golden crown and cried miserably ever after.
Rajarishi says: 1) Kissing a frog makes you a frog. 2) Money and gold do not a princess make.
A not-so-fairy-tale by DERO
BrandSpace Articles
<
>