Was it good for you, too?

Dear Tanya,

I read a feng shui article and was particularly interested in the advice on how to find love and keep the relationship hot. I don’t really believe in feng shui; what I need are practical tips on how to decorate a bedroom and make it romantic for a young couple.

M.T.

If you had asked my husband R., he’d scoff that this was a case of the blind leading the blind. Thank goodness I’m the one with the Home 911 column or he’d tell you to get a room somewhere else. I don’t know if you’re a man or a woman — but if you’re a man, those wrestling posters must come down; if you’re a woman, your thousand and one crap lying around must also be stored.

There’s nothing that kills the mood more than distractions (TV doesn’t count — but then you’re talking to a Dexter junkie) such as dirty laundry on the floor or a million and one accessories and pictures on the dresser, and DVDs spilling out of the media cabinet. My point is, your bedroom must be a sanctuary, a place for you to relax and get in the mood. We hear this all the time from interior designers and homeowners — that the home should be the one place where you can seek shelter from the outside world. This is particularly true for the bedroom where you catch your zzs and, hopefully, your oohs and aahs.

The most practical advice I can give you is to decorate it in a style you both agree on, which means color, furniture, soft furnishings and accessories you both like. No pinks, even if you grew up thinking you were as hot as Barbie. I’m into white now. But many years ago my own bedroom saw so many colors that if the paint peeled, you could trace the history of my past decade. There was a peach phase, yellow ones, eggshell, and the one R. hated the most, though he didn’t admit it at the time, dark orange. He said later, after we had painted another shade of yellow over it, that the room looked like a cave. That was a mistake we lived with for two years or so. (Damn color swatches, they’re so small you think they’d work well anywhere.)

Next is furniture and soft furnishings. A friend once called me up and asked if she could borrow books on interiors because apparently her husband was biting his fingernails over the thought that she’d go all Laura Ashley on the house when he wasn’t looking. What is this male aversion to pink? I don’t know. But if they had made pink toy guns when these men were boys, they’d be buying pink cars, too.     

I asked my husband if he could sleep in a bed covered with pink flowers on the sheet, he said no, it’s too girly. Could I sleep on black sheets? Maybe. Satin? Too Austin Powers. Gray, yes; blue, yes. But please, no red or black satin sheets — unless he’s dressed in a smoking jacket every night and you wear a bunny costume to bed. Nothing spells sexier than clean, crisp white linen, upholstery in earth or gray tones, contemporary furnishings, and just subtle prints here and there. Of course, these are generalizations. I have actually seen houses where florals work, and the husbands don’t mind stereotypical female colors.

Then there’s the lighting. No overhead white fluorescent lights (choose the yellow tone). Remember, you’re setting the mood for rest and romance, not dental surgery. You don’t want every pore and follicle to be enlarged; what you want is halogen lighting (with a dimmer switch!) that gives off a warm glow and hides the imperfections. Red is the color of sex (they don’t call it the red-light district for nothing; pink is for love), so put some reds in there, too — maybe flowers, a couple of accessories. And greens to induce a feeling of nature, of not being cooped up in a small space.

The scent of a bedroom is important as well. And if I may harp on this — dirty socks don’t qualify for a mood-inducing scent, and unless they bottle it or put it in a candle wax, neither does pizza. You know how spas smell so good with eucalyptus and peppermint oils? Try that at home to relax. I love the oils of L’Occitane and some of The Body Shop, too.

Then there’s music to help you set the mood. The only problem is if you and your spouse have different tastes in music. Enya might induce him to vomit while Barry White might make her want to run to safer ground. My only advice is to keep Bon Jovi, whom my husband calls “the Nora Aunor of rock,” away from the bedroom.  

Of course, when you’re in love, no amount of wet towels or empty Coke cans in bed, or mud tracks on the floor can dampen the mood. Why, not even dirty dishes on the sink stopped Jeremy Irons and Juliet Binoche in Damage. And even if your bed had no mattress, or you didn’t have a bed for that matter, nothing will stop you from getting hot and heavy. But we live in times where we are so stressed that we owe it to ourselves to make our home — no matter how small the size or modest the things inside — into a place that gives us real peace and warmth, so even when the spouse gets a headache during the night, you can wake up in the morning and say, yes, sleep was good for me, too.

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Home 911 answers questions about the home — cleaning problems, DIY projects, decorating ideas, home store resources, and things you’ve always wanted to know about but never had the friends to ask. Home 911 will ask the experts on your behalf. For questions and suggestions, e-mail philstar_home911@yahoo.com. Please include your first name/pseudonym. All questions will be answered through this column   — Tanya is too lazy and too chatty to answer individually.