Pogi meets pogi

I know, I know: what advice can Piolo Pascual give about being pogi that I haven’t already given in this column?

But for the sake of argument, we will let the pogi from this universe share some of his insights on being aesthetically pleasing. After all, he does have some credentials for being called pogi. In fact, almost every fiber of his being is infused with pogi. Which is probably why almost every body part of his has a product endorsement.  

In this universe, his kapogi-han has even inspired both philosophical and theological debate: Is Piolo for real or is he genetically engineered? Is God fair? Does Piolo Pascual appear in the Book of Revelations? 

I was able to pry away Piolo from his security team, his legion of female stalkers and his yaya to interview about such life-changing questions such as: How did he make ligaw KC? How can average-looking men be more pogi than they already aren’t? And what is his secret weapon of attraction aside from his unnaturally good looks, boyish charm and a body that is classified as a weapon of mass distraction?

(Note: Throughout the interview, I kindly requested Piolo to keep his shirt on so that his six-pack abs would not compete for attention.)

Pogi is as Pogi Does

RJ LEDESMA: Piolo, you are an actor, a producer, a singer, a model, a duathlete, a multi-product endorser, your girlfriend is showbiz royalty KC Concepcion, and you have the mutant power to turn otherwise civilized women incoherent and incontinent. So, just how do you do everything that you do? Do you have robot versions of yourself? Do you have clones? Do you have body doubles (and can I apply to be one of them)?

PIOLO PASCUAL: (Laughs. And, damn, even when he laughs he’s still pogi.) I don’t know, man. I just do what I do. At this point in life, I want to take advantage of the opportunities that come my way.

Are you sure you’re not the frontline of a secret alien invasion trying to enslave the female population? I notice that you always have an army of alalays (assistants) with you. How do I know that those alalays are not aliens in poorly fitting human disguises?

Oh, that’s my Star Magic crew. 

From the stars!? Tama ako (I was right)! You are from outer space. I am jealous — este, curious: how do you feel when people regard you as a sex symbol?

For me, it’s a privilege to be called a sex symbol.

I think it’s a privilege that we both share. When men see me, they say “He looks like my sex symbol.”

It’s really just part of the deal. I am my own product and I have to present myself well.

(The Legion of Matronas: Please let us know if we can invest in your product!)

Did you always know that you were this pogi? Or did your being ka-pogihan evolve over time? Because I can learn to evolve.

Siguro, nung naging celebrity nalang ako. (Maybe when I already became a celebrity) (Laughs)

I can’t wait until I become a celebrity.

When I became a celebrity is maybe when I became aware that people thought I was pogi. In show business, you have to “look this way” if you want to keep up with the business.

You mean even when you were doing theater in UST, your fellow actresses didn’t realize that you had the looks that could sell banks, insurance, property, watches, shampoo, clothes, cologne, canned tuna and laundry detergent?

I wasn’t even a heartthrob in school.

Maybe they couldn’t appreciate your looks because they were too distracted by your six-pack abs?

I have five siblings and none of them told me I was pogi, eh.

“Who put this mirror here?: Author RJ Ledesma gets face time with Piolo.

I got the same treatment at home, Piolo.

(RJ’s sister: There’s a good reason for that, Manong.)

How do you handle being this pogi? Is it a burden for you? Because it if is a burden for you, you can pass it on to me.

(Extended laughter. Why don’t you just stab me with your abs, Piolo?) I don’t know, bro. Maybe I’m blessed to be given these kind of looks.

Why can’t we all be blessed? And how do you manage to stay this pogi? Does it involve a yearlong novena? Human sacrifices? Or, at the very least, placenta?

Wala, bro. Yan ang maganda sa ating mga guys. (None, bro. That’s what beautiful with us guys). We’re low maintenance. You just have to love yourself.

(The Legion of No Girlfriends Since Birth [NGSB]: We know how to do that. So how come we don’t look like you?)

Eat a balanced diet. You really have to be aware that you only have one life to live and one body to take care of.

(The Legion of Matronas: We can take of that body for you!!)

Was there ever a phase in our life where you thought you were panget (ugly)? So that the average-looking male reading this column won’t hate you too much?

Oo naman (of course), especially when you’re dead tired, you lack sleep and you haven’t been able to work out.

Your panget is already as pogi as many of us can get even with yearlong novenas. Speaking of panget, are you insecure about any part of your body (Whether or not those body parts have appeared in a billboard)? If you are, we can detach those body parts right now and give them to my three female readers as a pasalubong (souvenir).

There was one scene I did a couple of days ago for a movie. The camera was on the floor and it was taking me getting out of bed. I found that camera angle unflattering because I have big legs. So the crew was teasing me about it. I have abnormally large, larger than usual legs.

I have known many abnormally large body parts that have proven to be very useful. When it comes pala to your body parts, do they pay separate talent fees to your face and to your upper body?

I think that’s part of the contract. (Laughs) I think half of my billboard ads have me topless.

Really? I haven’t noticed.

I think it’s stipulated in the contract. The body is part of the package. (Laughs)

Your upper body has a really good talent manager. How do you maintain a body like that? Is it whey protein? Silicone? Prosthetics?

Every chance I get, I exercise or do different sports. Like yesterday, my shoot was packed up, so I took a 30-kilometer bike ride with my friends. I also try to work out every day. I have a home gym where I work out with a trainer. At this point in my life, my priority is my career.

So that’s how you build abs that create traffic jams along EDSA.

Piolo-Nator

Piolo, the Legion of Matronas, the Legion of DOMs, the NGSBS, my three female readers and my yaya want to know: How did you make ligaw (court) KC Concepcion? Did you have to have an encyclopedic knowledge of Sharon Cuneta movies? Did Senator Kiko put you through a Senate investigation? Did Gabby Concepcion put you through the Body Age test?

I prayed for it over two years. I prayed hard for it because I hadn’t had a girlfriend for eight years. Although we did a soap together and we would see each other in ABS-CBN shows, it was hard (for us to get together) especially since we were celebrities. People always talk about you and have their opinions about you.

Sigh… I know what you mean.

RJ’S YAYA: Ulol (Imbecile).

But for two years, I would wake up every day I and the first thing that came to mind was KC. I knew that, in my heart, KC was whom I really wanted, so I went for it.

I can feel a tingle right down the length of my spine. For the benefit of the NGSBs who know how to love themselves, can you give them some tips on how they can meet women? When you still were single and available, what type of pickup lines did you use to pick up women? Or did you just let your abs do the talking?

I just opened my shirt. (Laughs)

I tried that move, too, when I was single. It led to my charges of public indecency.  

Of course, I have conversations with them.

How do these conversations start? “Hi, I’m Piolo Pascual. Matinee idol, multimillion-peso endorser and a set of abs that can deflect bullets. Would you like to go out on a date? Please don’t drool on my shoes.”

I preferred meeting women in the States because they don’t know anything about you.

And that’s when you would open your shirt? So what do you recommend for the rest of the average-looking men who do not have access to matinee idol looks, hypnotic abs or Ativan to attract women? Should they just wear a Piolo Pascual facemask?

More than anything, you have to be natural.

Like, au natural?

Be yourself. We are all made out of something and we’re all unique and distinct, so you just have to offer what you have. If you’re not being yourself, she’ll find out sooner or later anyway. And that’s a turnoff.

(Dirty Old Man: So I should take off my Piolo Pascual facemask then?)

What pointers can you give average-looking men to project themselves to be as pogi as you aside from extensive reconstructive surgery?

Probably it all begins with knowing that you are loved. It’s a privilege to have a life.

I would think so, too.

You have to want to take care of yourself. There’s so many things that you can do to keep and present yourself better. You have to work out, do sports, visit the dermatologist, eat a balanced diet. It doesn’t happen overnight.

You mean there’s actually hard work involved in becoming pogi? It’s just not all Photoshop?

Aside from taking care of yourself, you have to know the products especially when it comes to your hair. We live in a tropical country, so it’s easy (for our scalp) to become sweaty and oily.

I produce enough oil on my scalp to reduce global oil prices.

So it starts with your head.

(DOM: That’s where it all starts.)

For men, we (have oilier scalps) than women. That’s why I use Clear shampoo, because I am very active. It protects my scalp and it has three advantages: no dandruff, no itch and less hair fall. That, for me, is a total package.

(My three female readers: Piolo, we want your total package!)

You seem to have charmed the dignity out of my three female readers. You seem to exude this boyish charm about you. Where do you get it from and does it come in an economy pack?

Nakuha ko sa nanay ko (From my mom). (Laughs)

Please ask nanay if we can make piga (squeeze) your boyish charm and sell it in Bench stores nationwide.

Being the youngest, I was the pinakamakulit.

If kakulitan is equated to charm, then I am Prince Charming. I am sure your unnaturally good looks puts your life at personal risk. So how do you handle security problems like female stalkers? How do you protect yourself from them? Are your Star Magic crew good snipers?

(Laughs) It’s all part of being a celebrity. Mas nakakatakot nga (It’s even scarier) if there’s nobody running after you.

I guess I’ll have to try and get used to it. And, lastly, the most important part of this interview: in the scheme of things, who do you think is the most pogi? Sam Milby, Diether Ocampo, Piolo Pascual or (God help us) RJ Ledesma?

Doon ako sa RJ, bro (I’m with RJ, bro). A cut above the rest.

That was a trick question.

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For comments, suggestions or a lock of Piolo’s hair, please e-mail ledesma.rj@gmail.com or visit www.rjledesma.net. Follow rjled on Twitter.