Don't take marriage lightly
Dear Nanay,
Good day. Before I married my husband, I caught him cheating on me. But because the plans for the wedding were already done and the invitations were already sent out, we went ahead with the wedding anyway. I just hoped that we could rekindle those old feelings. It has been three years since we were married and I do not feel his love for me anymore. So many times we almost split up, but I somehow found a way to stay with him. I have never caught him cheating on me, but of course I do have my suspicions. I am still in love with him, but I also know that if I break up with him he will be happier because I don’t think he is happy with me. Should I set him free? Please give me advice on what to do. I can’t bear it anymore. We don’t even have children yet and I can’t tell my mother about my problems because my parents have so many expectations from us, especially because I am an only child.
JJ
Dear JJ,
First of all, I do not think you should have gotten married. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. And maybe not enough people take it as seriously as it should be taken. Yung mapapahiya sa mga bisita o mga kaibigan kasi na-cancel ang kasal? (Those who feel they will be embarrassed in front of their guests or friends if they cancel the wedding?) That is not an excuse for entering into a marriage that you are not 110 percent sure you want to go into.
Unfortunately, that is water under the bridge for you.
I think the first thing you should do is have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Discuss your situation. Talk about your plans in life. Be honest and be respectful. Don’t fight. From there you will probably get a better idea of where you stand today. If he still wants to stay with you, then maybe you can try to get some marriage counseling. But if he no longer wants to stay with you, then it might be a difficult future you are looking at if you will forcibly hold on to him.
And no matter how much you might want to have a child, I would advise that you wait until you are sure about your future. Your lives and your decisions will be much more complicated if you have a child because there is an innocent third party involved. Kapag naghiwalay kayo at may bata, laging ang bata ang kawawa. (If you have a child and separate, it’s always the child who suffers.)
And lastly, about your mother. You should always be able to go to your mother for help or comfort. Believe me. There is nothing a mother wouldn’t do for her son or daughter. So you should never feel like you can’t go to her regardless of what her expectations are of you.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Office romance
Dear Nanay,
I am 25 years old and have never had a boyfriend. In my workplace I admit to having a big crush on my co-employee. Before he had an existing relationship. One day they just broke up then he invited me to go out. We ended up kissing in his car. He wanted us to go out again. What will I do? I am not sure if in the long run I’ll be the one to cry.
Ms. Employee
Dear Ms. Employee,
You say you are not sure if in the long run you will be the one to cry? I say if you don’t try, then how will you ever know?
You never know what will happen until you give it a chance. My only advice is don’t go too fast. Be patient and take your time. Enjoy your relationship and cherish every moment. Don’t do anything that you might regret later.
So don’t give up before you have even started. Give this guy a chance. And if you do end up crying, so what? It is not the end of the world. That is just a part of life and of growing up. You will not have been the first one to cry because of a man and you will not be the last. All you have to do is to pick yourself up again and move on.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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