E-Mature

Even before man fathomed his vulnerability to the aging process, womankind had already unjustly accused him of being immature. Maybe in the interminable race to remain young, juvenile, virile and potent – without the aid of Viagra or other kinky devices that arouse animal magnetism – man has literally taken aim to prolong his stay in the world of preadolescent. The masculine predilection to remain a child isn’t completely without basis. However, from the eyes of a prejudiced skirt, one might come to think that wanting to be immature is actually a bad thing. To be male is to be forever a child, or so mocks the woman, and that is probably man’s greatest asset.

The word immature is actually relative. However, modern-day use of the word has misshapen it into a casual insult. Someone who’s "an immature prick," "an overgrown brat" or simply "immature" obviously denotes childish traits.

Webster quite clinically defines immature as being "Not fully grown or developed" or being "Marked by or suggesting a lack of normal maturity." Which raises the question: What it is to be fully grown or developed, or rather, what exhibits normal maturity?

"He’s so immature," snipes a girlfriend in her boyfriend’s absence. Her friends nod in acknowledgment while taking the term immature as a point against the unsuspecting male. A running joke that’s been popular among bitter females and ardent feminists is that the difference between men and savings bonds is that savings bonds mature.

Women castigate their male counterparts for exhibiting traits that are "childish" or "unsuitable for their age": dressing down during a coat-and-tie dinner, staying in bed past noon, watching anything less than CNN on a Saturday morning, and prioritizing the ball game over tomorrow’s office presentation. Women play on the notion that men are helpless when it comes to juggling responsibilities, or rather, having any responsibility at all.

And yet doesn’t the saying go that women are not complete without being a mother? If that were so, then men are merely completing the woman’s maternal need. You’re never only just in a relationship with a man, but a child as well. The number of children in a family is always plus one, father including. In that case, all families are merely made up of children and one super-mom (the only difference is that one child supposedly wears XL shirts, pays the bills, and isn’t a virgin).

In essence, it’d be 100 percent true to concede that men are indeed immature. However, to label such a characteristic as offensive would surely be a different story. Immaturity, mind you, is a totally different book from being isip-bata. Although males do lack a sense of duty when it comes to their adult responsibilities, we aren’t completely rid of any intellect. Though helpless, kids aren’t at all stupid (a distinction a lot of females fail to recognize). Some folks seem to juxtapose immaturity with retardation (political correctness aside).

Most men are proud of their perpetual adolescence. Others are in permanent denial. Thirty to fifty-somethings still refer to their new gadgets (phones, computers, cars) as toys. As if the Eclipse in the garage were only an oversized RC with an over-exaggerated tune-up. Like a kid in a toy-store, men delight in the idea of passing by the hardware store or the car shop to merely stare at the chrome and read the back labels. The difference with these children, of course, is that we have a card to charge and a driver’s license to verify.

Men still respond to baby talk. Honestly speaking, most women do too. The goo-goos and gaa-gaas said between the low hums of silence in the bedroom and the phone line. But in a survey conducted on how different middle-class couples make each other lambing – 76 percent of males claimed that they can’t get enough of their significant others’ sweet talk while 43 percent of women said that they were downright sick of it. Although further studies seem to imply that more women wish that they were younger, men seem to be satisfied with their current age – realizing, quite frankly, that we’re still young enough as it is.

A majority of women classify a lot of their partner’s miniscule habits as fine examples of immaturity. Public burping, farting, and other media of mild defecation are popular chart toppers. The immaturity in it, of course, is that a lot of men (when comfortable with their partner) still have the tenacity (or the youthful spirit) to find pride in their latest passing. "Did you time that?" asks a middle-aged hubby, obviously proud of his latest gas-attack – behavior that’s easily compared to the prepubescent pissing contests in the grade school playground.

To be called "immature" is hardly grounds to dislike a guy – be it a nine or fifty-something. Age is just a number, and in any case, aren’t we all searching for our inner child? "The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults," exclaimed Peter de Vries, which quite aptly put men as the sine qua non to marital achievement.

And though women frustrate themselves in taking care of one child too many, there’s much irony in the idea that if males were indeed childish... all heterosexual women are pedophiles. Then again, it’s no surprise that women love boys and boys love women.

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E-mail E-Male at argee@justice.com.