14 tips for a lasting marriage

In my almost three decades of clinical practice, I have encountered married couples on the verge of separation seeking professional help. Listed below are some of the things missed out by these couples that contributed to their marital crisis. Check out this list to guide you in making your marital union last a lifetime.

1. The foundation of your marriage should be love and trust.

2. You can build up this foundation of love and trust by having a courtship period long enough to get to know each other’s personality.

3. You likewise need to develop a good relationship with the family of your spouse and even his or her close friends. Learn to love the nuclear family members of your spouse. Get to know the buddies of your spouse and even allow your spouse to maintain his or her regular peer meetings with them.

4. Learn the art of compromise and make decisions as partners. Avoid assuming the authoritarian or narcissistic know-all stance.

5. Quality time with your spouse includes meals together as a married couple despite your busy schedule.  If this is not possible, make sure you eat at least one meal together every day.

6. Always settle petty arguments before the end of the day. Resolve your differences as soon as possible.

7. Engage in activities or hobbies together. If your spouse loves to play golf, learn to play golf, too.

8. Discover the likes and dislikes of your spouse. Know what food, sport, music or topics of discussion your spouse prefers.

9. Keep that fire of love burning even if it’s not Valentine’s Day by writing short notes or sending text messages of endearment. Verbalize your love and care for your spouse.

10. Show that you empathize with your spouse’s success and even failures. Provide that network of emotional support.

11. Remain loyal and truthful to your spouse. Deceit will destroy your relationship.

12. Learn to listen to your spouse and you will see that your spouse will also listen to you.

13. Verbalize to your spouse that you will be there in all his or her endeavors.

14. Do things together whenever possible. Be partners at play, at meal time, at prayer time and of course, at bedtime!

(Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! Happy 89th birthday on Feb. 15 to my dearest Mommy Titang! For questions on love, looks and relationships, e-mail this author at nina.halilijao@gmail.com.)