A mother of 10
May 11, 2004 | 12:00am
Louie and Caress Banson, both in
their early 40s, have 10 children: BJ,
20; Anton, 19; Cara, 17; Enzo, 14;
Andy, 12; Mia, 10; Bea, 6; Cio, 5; Wizi, 2 ; and baby Javier, 1.
It just happened, we definitely didn’t plan to have 10. People are almost always shocked when they see me pregnant again! We think of raising a big family as our challenge – to meet each child’s concerns – from college tuition to milk and pampers!
Louie is a cool dad and Caress feels blessed with a rather relaxed disposition for a mom. She saves her energy for the bigger battles: "I am not the nervous, neurotic kind of mom. If I were, I will not survive. I am lucky to have good household help, tutors, and a driver because I cannot do it alone. My style is no stress, just delegate. With the cell phone, life is so much easier. All my helpers and drivers text. Isn’t technology wonderful? Wherever I am, I know what’s happening at home.
For a mother of 10, and having a husband like mine, there’s no such thing as a usual day. Almost always, every day is unusual and busy. I don’t chase the kids around to find out if they need me, instead the kids are always welcome to approach me.
Most of us are up at 5 in the morning every day. I make it a point to be with them when they’re preparing for school. Being with them means either being on the computer checking my mail and waiting for my son in the States to appear on the chatroom, or sitting at the breakfast table, making sure that each child gets to eat breakfast, or doing some last-minute signing of memos and reply slips for school which weren’t done the night before.
The kids are generally independent – from the time they wake up, take a shower, dress up for school and eat their breakfast, till they leave at 6:15. So my role is just being available for anything.
All the boys stay in one room and all the girls in another. They become closer this way. My teenagers never had their own room (I fixed our den as a third room, but there are no takers), but I think that’s okay by them, too. At least everyone learns to share and wait their turn this way.
My rule is that they must share. Like, if the younger ones want the chicken wings, the older ones take the other parts. Their clothes are hand-me-downs. The kids sometimes think we have a financial problem. I believe it’s good not to give the kids everything they want. They develop character. That’s the blessing of having many kids, you cannot pamper them into spoiled brats.
When you pamper a child and always focus on his so-called need to be approved, you might be actually raising a monster. Oftentimes, we hear mothers make excuses for their kids like, "He has a cold" or "He had too much sugar." What’s worse is when parents help a child find excuses for his misbehavior, they teach the child that he is never at fault. These children learn to grow up not being able to deal with criticism and spend a lot of energy blaming others and making excuses.
I veer away from the popular child psychology trend. I feel what should be stressed is training the children to become socially responsible and sensitive towards others: "To see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another." Over-praising and over-rewarding a child often lead to adults who are very difficult to like; adults whose motives in doing good will always be for self-gratification.
I stay home a lot. This way, my schedule is flexible and I can attend to their needs: Their schooling, their baon, their clothes. I also make time for myself. From lunchtime to about 5 p.m., I do the things I have to do, like some community projects I have coming up. But that’s the easy part. The harder challenge is raising them to be committed, responsible, and loving people.
I am concerned with the many marital breakups that are happening around us today. I realized that I must raise my children to become responsible citizens in the future. The boys, especially in our culture, can be spoiled because things are done for them. We want to raise good and responsible men who will learn to love and cherish their wife, the mother of his children. We want to raise selfless women who will persevere through the many hardships of being a wife and mother.
The best way to teach is by example: When a son sees his father love and respect his wife, the son learns that he must respect women.
As parents, we strive to give the kids the best education, the best clothes, the best everything. But for me, the focus is no longer on how to prepare good meals to whet our kids’ appetites or whether to enroll them in Kumon to improve their skills in Math. Enough of the frills. The harder part is giving them an intact family life in the midst of all these temptations.
The surest way (for mothers) to raise happy individuals with a healthy self-esteem is by keeping a good relationship with their husbands.
The strongest foundation for effective parenting is a good marriage. Your best tool to be good parents is, first and foremost, to be a good spouse. If you want to be successful in raising good children, you must first work on your marriage.
And though my marriage is given priority, it is also for the children that I do this. When my husband wants an impromptu steak dinner, I cook for him. When my husband has to travel often, I go with him. Seize the time with your spouse even if your mother’s instincts are stronger. Grab each moment wherein you can do things together because being a couple is a premium gift to your kids.
The kids sometimes complain when I say "I have to be with dad." I go with my husband because I know I have secured caregivers for the kids while I am gone. I plan for the kids’ needs ahead and I let them handle the (home) finances when I go. That’s a life lesson right there, too. Now, most of them know how fast the money goes.
Louie and I try to be a team. I don’t contradict him in front of the kids, we discuss matters in private. When the issues become hard to discuss, I have to surrender to good timing, and ultimately, to prayer. I trust that God will do His part if we do ours. He gives me the grace to keep on.
On top of the family is my struggle to balance time for myself. I try to look good, I have my own activities in the community so that I don’t neglect my other facets.
I am so convinced that my having 10 children has nothing to do with me. It’s definitely God-given and there’s no achievement I can claim on my part. Just like anything else, I could never have done this alone, without God. I am convinced that when one prays to do God’s will, God also equips the person to go through it. Truly, I am just an instrument.
It just happened, we definitely didn’t plan to have 10. People are almost always shocked when they see me pregnant again! We think of raising a big family as our challenge – to meet each child’s concerns – from college tuition to milk and pampers!
For a mother of 10, and having a husband like mine, there’s no such thing as a usual day. Almost always, every day is unusual and busy. I don’t chase the kids around to find out if they need me, instead the kids are always welcome to approach me.
Most of us are up at 5 in the morning every day. I make it a point to be with them when they’re preparing for school. Being with them means either being on the computer checking my mail and waiting for my son in the States to appear on the chatroom, or sitting at the breakfast table, making sure that each child gets to eat breakfast, or doing some last-minute signing of memos and reply slips for school which weren’t done the night before.
The kids are generally independent – from the time they wake up, take a shower, dress up for school and eat their breakfast, till they leave at 6:15. So my role is just being available for anything.
All the boys stay in one room and all the girls in another. They become closer this way. My teenagers never had their own room (I fixed our den as a third room, but there are no takers), but I think that’s okay by them, too. At least everyone learns to share and wait their turn this way.
My rule is that they must share. Like, if the younger ones want the chicken wings, the older ones take the other parts. Their clothes are hand-me-downs. The kids sometimes think we have a financial problem. I believe it’s good not to give the kids everything they want. They develop character. That’s the blessing of having many kids, you cannot pamper them into spoiled brats.
When you pamper a child and always focus on his so-called need to be approved, you might be actually raising a monster. Oftentimes, we hear mothers make excuses for their kids like, "He has a cold" or "He had too much sugar." What’s worse is when parents help a child find excuses for his misbehavior, they teach the child that he is never at fault. These children learn to grow up not being able to deal with criticism and spend a lot of energy blaming others and making excuses.
I veer away from the popular child psychology trend. I feel what should be stressed is training the children to become socially responsible and sensitive towards others: "To see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another." Over-praising and over-rewarding a child often lead to adults who are very difficult to like; adults whose motives in doing good will always be for self-gratification.
I stay home a lot. This way, my schedule is flexible and I can attend to their needs: Their schooling, their baon, their clothes. I also make time for myself. From lunchtime to about 5 p.m., I do the things I have to do, like some community projects I have coming up. But that’s the easy part. The harder challenge is raising them to be committed, responsible, and loving people.
The best way to teach is by example: When a son sees his father love and respect his wife, the son learns that he must respect women.
As parents, we strive to give the kids the best education, the best clothes, the best everything. But for me, the focus is no longer on how to prepare good meals to whet our kids’ appetites or whether to enroll them in Kumon to improve their skills in Math. Enough of the frills. The harder part is giving them an intact family life in the midst of all these temptations.
The strongest foundation for effective parenting is a good marriage. Your best tool to be good parents is, first and foremost, to be a good spouse. If you want to be successful in raising good children, you must first work on your marriage.
And though my marriage is given priority, it is also for the children that I do this. When my husband wants an impromptu steak dinner, I cook for him. When my husband has to travel often, I go with him. Seize the time with your spouse even if your mother’s instincts are stronger. Grab each moment wherein you can do things together because being a couple is a premium gift to your kids.
The kids sometimes complain when I say "I have to be with dad." I go with my husband because I know I have secured caregivers for the kids while I am gone. I plan for the kids’ needs ahead and I let them handle the (home) finances when I go. That’s a life lesson right there, too. Now, most of them know how fast the money goes.
Louie and I try to be a team. I don’t contradict him in front of the kids, we discuss matters in private. When the issues become hard to discuss, I have to surrender to good timing, and ultimately, to prayer. I trust that God will do His part if we do ours. He gives me the grace to keep on.
On top of the family is my struggle to balance time for myself. I try to look good, I have my own activities in the community so that I don’t neglect my other facets.
I am so convinced that my having 10 children has nothing to do with me. It’s definitely God-given and there’s no achievement I can claim on my part. Just like anything else, I could never have done this alone, without God. I am convinced that when one prays to do God’s will, God also equips the person to go through it. Truly, I am just an instrument.
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