'Beatles Re-Bastered'

ME, STARZAN - Joey de Leon -

Some two weeks ago, I mentioned here that I went to Hong Kong just to buy new shoes for my still growing feet. Well, that was just half of the whole truth. The other half was my visit to that famous music store in Hong Kong — HMV. Bakit? Wala lang, para lang bumili and complete my set of the newly re-mastered Beatles albums. Yes, it was actually a sound and shoe trip. As usual, hindi na naman ako makahintay at makatiis. I couldn’t wait for EMI, its local distributor, with its second and next shipment of the hot and hit collectibles from the Fab Four from Liverpool. According to EMI, the follow-up orders will be arriving later this month. I was only able to buy two discs in the Philippines out of the 14 re-mastered release. So, after being positive with HMV, now I’m complete. Immediately, after that HMV buy-rush (tunog HIV virus talaga ‘no? Eh papaano, incurable din kasi itong ugali kong pag may gusto, kailangan ngayon din!), I did my power shopping, so I could return to our hotel and listen to the “bettered” Beatles.

In Hong Kong naman kasi, especially if you’ve been there several times, you could actually do all your shopping in less than one half day. Unless, of course, you are an excited first-timer or you are in the RTW business. And yes, if you’re having some monkey business. He, he, he... MACY ang tawag d’yan ... MACY- na- shopping! Ngek!

Or, MACAU ... MACAU- sap at MACAU –layaw! Ngek!

Or, titikim ng DIMSUM ... or SOME DAME! Ngek!

Or, magpi- PEKING DUCK ... or just PICKING some pretty DUCKLING! Ngek!

From power shopping to power story-telling. Fast forward. On that day, stores along Canton Road and the shops around Nathan would be closing late at around 11 yet. Wow! Heaven for my wife Eileen and daughter Jocas. I did not join them anymore for the nearly five or six extra hours of shopping and going around. I already found my heaven — not only seven, but a dozen! 

I sat and set myself in front of the disc player and started playing them one by one — all 12. Actually, I totally forgot to notice and check the difference of these re-mastered masterpieces from their original sound. Ang labo. What came back to me was the time when TVJ was just starting to be songwreckers via the Tough Hits, and the Beatles Department was one of our favorites.

Here’s giving these re-mastered marvels another brute tribute I call — “BEATLES, RE-BASTERED.” My apologies.

(To the tune of I Should Have Known Better)

I should have known botox

On a girl like you,

Yes, that your face stays the same

When you’re blue,

When you’re glad,

When you’re mad,

Pareho ...

* * *

(To the tune of All My Lovin’)

Close your eyes

And I bet you

You can’t dear

I dare you

Remember the “lifts” you went through

And there’s one thing I fear

That you’d see both your ears

And be blinded by your earrings too...

* * *

 ( To the tune of Do You Want To Know A Secret?)

You still don’t know sino boboto

You still don’t know who do you care ...

‘Lection, eto na naman election

Puro promise once again

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Loser, t’yak na very poor next year

(Will) say the words you always hear,

“Nadaya ako! Hu, hu, hu, hu,

Hu, hu, hu, hu

Hu, hu, hu, hu ....”

* * *

 (To the tune of I’m Looking Through You)

I’m looking through you,

What did you do?

I thought I knew you,

I’m shocked to know.

You don’t look diff’rent

‘Cause you haven’t changed,

I’m looking through you,

You’re shorts’ the same!

I gave you T-back

That you can wear;

Victoria Secret,

Ang sosyal mo dear

But you were restless

I can’t explain

Then I looked through you,

I felt some shame.


Why, tell me why did you

 Not wear it right?

Baliktad nasuot ang T-back 

Why the oversight?


Worse than a wedgie

That I can say,

Like dental flossie

You’re clean today,

The only diff’rence

Is it’s down there

I’m looking through you,

It’s cute I swear.

* * *

(To the tune of Baby’s In Black)

Oh, dear, what did you do?

(Our) baby is black

And his eyes are blue,

Tell me oh, what did you do?

(To the tune of Norwegian Wood)

I once had a girl,

Or should I say was like a boy,

She did not wear bra,

In simple words, she had no boobs.

She asked me if she could

Add some silicone over there,

I told her that I’d love

Her more without any repair.


She seemed to be hurt

She cried and whined,

Drinking her wine,

She looked at her boobs,

And then she said, “They look

Like beads.”

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