The new desires of Hayden’s heart

Hayden Kho has led a turbulent life — the ups and downs, the peaks and valleys (including two suicide attempts) of which have been well documented on print and television. He has been stripped naked, literally and figuratively, before a judgmental public.

At one time, when Hayden was fighting for his life after a drug overdose, Dr. Vicki Belo prayed that if God saved Hayden’s life, she would take care of him for the rest of her life. She didn’t say whether she would do so as a partner, as a friend, or both. Hayden pulled through, but he was never completely out of the woods.

At around this time last year, Hayden was about to resume his seven-year drug habit. He just knew he was going to fall off the wagon again.

“I had been sober for quite sometime already, but my life was still falling apart. Then a friend, businessman Dioceldo Sy had an extra ticket to a talk of a Dr. Ravi Zacharias. I wasn’t excited to go, but I went, anyway,” recalls Hayden. We were then at a lunch in the home of Vicki, the scene of many lunches where physical rejuvenation was on the menu. Today, it was spiritual rejuvenation that was the main course, with Hayden as its main endorser. Almost unbelievable.

Dr. Ravi and Hollywood actor Stephen Baldwin (youngest brother of Alec, and the judge who asked Venus Raj the question that led to her “major, major” answer) were present. As we chewed on crisp chards of lechon de leche, we also nibbled on the nuggets of faith and wisdom shared by the three.

Hayden recalls that Dr. Ravi was not prepared to give a talk that night last year as he was only planning to attend a birthday party.

“But you know, God is the only one who can bring together a reluctant speaker and a reluctant listener and fulfill His beautiful plan,” shares Hayden. He recalls that tears were running down his cheeks when he asked Dr. Ravi why his life had become so meaningless.

“His question was actually a confession,” says Dr. Ravi. He remembers asking Hayden, “You look to me like a man made for the movies, and you’re talking of meaninglessness?”

Hayden nodded and cried.

After that evening, he left all his showbiz commitments and his job with Belo Med and followed Dr. Ravi to Singapore, Indonesia and India. He shared with the evangelist and Christian apologist his failures, struggles, loneliness, disappointment in himself, and his “longing for hope.”

“Only God is big enough to change a person’s heart,” says Dr. Ravi. God was the only answer to Hayden.

“It is Him who said, ‘I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh’,” Hayden stresses.

Whoa! I could hardly believe it was Hayden talking, giving tips on inner wellness when in the past, his expertise was only skin-deep.

I wish him well in his new journey, and though he, Dr. Ravi and I may not go to the same church, he will have my lifelong admiration if this new change in his life becomes permanent and inspiring.

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Who is Dr. Ravi Zacharias and what is a Christian apologist?

According to published sources, a Christian apologist “presents a rational basis for the Christian faith, defending the faith against objections.”

According to the Ravi Zacharias International Ministry (RZIM), “A Christian ‘apologetic’ is not an apology as we usually use the term, that is, to say you are sorry for something. An apologetics ministry does just the opposite. We use the word ‘apology’ in the sense that we give a defense of the Christian faith. We answer people’s questions about the truth of the Gospel. To the questions of the skeptic and the believer we offer an apologetic — we give an answer — to the counterclaims of secularism and other world views.  We try to demonstrate that the claims of Jesus are true and make sense intellectually, and offer the best picture of our world and of reality.”

Like Hayden, Dr. Ravi has attempted suicide and found meaning in life when he became a devout Christian at age 17. He was a professor and an evangelist until one day, at the age of 37, he decided to go full time into evangelization. He told his wife that all they needed was $50,000 and they could get their ministry started.

He then asked the people at a conference he was then participating in to pray for his intention, the wisdom to know if he was doing the right thing. He did not tell them what he was thinking of.

After the conference, on Dr. Ravi’s way to the airport, he and his wife found a man waiting for them in the lobby of their hotel.

The man told them,  “I prayed for you, and the wisdom you were seeking. Before I got off my knees, God was impressing on me to give you a check for $50,000.”

Dr. Ravi and his wife were stupefied. It was exactly what they needed. But instead of grabbing at the donation, they asked the donor to further meet with them.

“I need to know about you, and you about me,” he told the donor, who turned out to be multi-millionaire DD Davis, who made his fortune in refrigerated buildings and trucks.

Davis flew to New York on his private jet to meet with Dr. Ravi and told him, “I’ve made a lot of money. My problem is not knowing how to spend it. You start this work, and I will be behind you.”

“What do you want from me in return?” Dr. Ravi asked him. 

“Nothing else but your integrity,” Davis replied. Until his death and even beyond his death, through a foundation he left behind, Davis has been supporting the RZIM.

* * *

Baldwin, star of The Usual Suspects, is the author of the book, The Unusual Suspect.

In a review of the book, Publishers Weekly says, “In this exhausting autobiographical report, Baldwin depicts himself as a wild, fun-loving extremist who mended his ways after making a personal commitment to Christ a few years back. Faced with his boldness bordering on fanaticism, readers will either love or hate Baldwin’s take on the Christian life…If Baldwin’s intent is to rev up the blood pressure of Christian readers while simultaneously challenging them to more courageous, faith-guided living, the venture succeeds.”

Baldwin lamented to us that the next generation of Americans have hardly any knowledge of Jesus Christ.

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On Hayden’s birthday last May 20, Dr. Ravi talked about the “Problem of Pleasure.”

“Everything always talks about the problem of pain. Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain, it comes from being weary of pleasure,” he claims.

Perhaps, that was Hayden’s biggest problem as his life took a downward spiral, arrested only when he found his faith. The biggest change in his life after he found God and became faithful to Him?

“That would be the change in the appetites and desires of my heart.”

A loaded statement, in more ways than one. (You may e-mail me at [email protected].)