The ‘Wick of Separation’

I have never put much thought into the popular apprehension about “Friday the 13th,” but after the double whammy of bad news last Friday, the idea certainly stuck like bubble gum on my shoe.

At almost the same hour, I was informed that our beloved and ever dependable caretaker/childhood friend Narding had died after a lingering illness that was only recently determined to be cancer.

As we found ourselves caught up in making calls, arranging for the funeral, we received another call informing us that my not-so-youngest brother Ricky was rushed to the hospital for a suspected heart attack. Thank God, he is now in stable condition and scheduled for a needed procedure.

In between the stress and intermittent adrenaline rush, I gave serious thought to the reason God may have for allowing prolong illnesses when he could so easily pull the plug instantly or just let people die in their sleep.

As far as the Bible is concerned, the only thing I have read concerns “why the good die young.” In Isaiah 57:1-2: “Good people pass away; But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die.”

That gives small or no comfort to parents or loved ones who will always feel that they were robbed or punished. Death is painful and often it is for all parties concerned, unless the departee dies in their sleep.

On the other hand, I have heard accounts of parents who witnessed horrible things happen to their children as a result of drugs, bad choices, political scandals, violence as well as permanent injury or imprisonment. All that is just as painful if not more.

But what about prolonged illness that is accompanied by pain, both for a patient and for their loved ones? If you ask AI you will be disappointed, because the Bible does not seem to have specific books, verses or passages explaining why, unlike Isaiah 57:1-2.

Oftentimes people relate it to “karma” for our unhealthy lifestyle, others think of it as punishment. But even good and godly people have been known to suffer from prolonged illness, so punishment or karma makes no sense.

There are some who fatalistically call it as an act of God because he is God, the same way he decided to let Job go through heart wrenching loss of his children, prolonged disease, poverty and being cast out. But Job was an example, not the rule.

Job was proof that there are people who, no matter their suffering, can and will choose to trust in God, call to God and believe in God. Job was not being punished; he was being made a model for his friends, family and us.

So, why suffer? I’m about to go out on a limb here based on human experience and observation. I am no expert, not on religion, the Bible or psychology. But I believe it is about the “Wick of Separation” that must burn through.

I have known families who have cared for a comatose parent, sibling or dying loved one where dying took months. No doubt it is painful to be part of a vigil I refer to as the “death watch.”

It is almost like you were part of an emergency response team ready to take action when the call is made. But the wait drags on and on, messes up your routine, disrupts your life.

Since last January, I monitored a dear friend whose mother was dying. She went in and out of the hospital, went into hospice care, palliative care, ER, in and out until January became March. And only then did she pass away.

I’m sure all that burned my friend’s bank account, but worst of all is the emotional and psychological pain or trauma you experience watching, hearing and “incompetently” trying to relieve the pain and suffering of a loved one who can barely talk or is unresponsive.

I have heard people say “it sucks the life out of you.” Days pass, anxiety grows, guilt visits like an intruder questioning your thoughts because you’ve reached a point when you are scared about the cost, you are spent and almost praying for God to put an end to everyone’s pain and suffering.

And yet, you cling on to whatever life is left in your loved one. When we love so much, letting go is harder and the only time we do is when we lose our strength, we loosen our grip, or the wick of life eventually burns on both ends.

On one end, the loved one is slowly dying before us like a wick slowly burning, while on the other end we find ourselves dead tired, desperately trying to hold on but with nothing left to hold on to.

Slowly but surely, God has allowed us to exhaust every effort, every expression of our love and none in vain because our loved ones who knew, felt, heard and saw all that we did will take your acts of love and sacrifices in their journey to the next life.

The Wick of Separation burns painfully slow, but it must in order for us to finally let go.

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