What was it like to be Jesus’ parents?

Was it easy for Joseph and Mary to raise Jesus? Surely, Jesus must have been a model son. In our Gospel today, Simeon, upon seeing the child Jesus said, “My eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel” (Luke 2: 30-32). This amazed Joseph and Mary, and they must have been proud of their son. What parents would not be if this was said about their child?

But then Simeon continued, “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted.” What parents would not be worried if they heard about the opposition their child was going to face? Many would rise and fall because of Joseph and Mary’s son, but what would Jesus’ own fate be? Would he be counted with the fallen or with those destined to rise? And if Joseph and Mary were not scared enough, Simeon must have scared them even more as he looked at them and said, “And you yourself a sword will pierce.”

While Simeon couched his words in the future tense, Joseph and Mary must have already felt the sword piercing their hearts. Certainly, Joseph must have been burdened by the irregular — even scandalous — circumstances of Jesus’ birth. At least in the beginning, he must have felt betrayed by Mary. The angel who spoke to him in a dream might have cleared Mary of any wrongdoing, but I wonder if the angel’s words were at all comforting: “Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 2:20). Yes, his wife had not been unfaithful, but now he was to stand as the father of God’s Son. How does one raise the Messiah? The feeling of being betrayed must have been swallowed up by debilitating insecurity. I am not sure which was worse.

What must have been running in Joseph’s mind the first time he held the baby Jesus? A little-known Christmas song imagines Joseph asking, “Are you a prophet, are you a king? / Or just a small baby who makes angels sing? / I’m not a wise man; I need a light / To shine on my questions tonight… What will I teach you – a carpenter’s trade? / The tools and the wood and the way things are made? / What will you teach me? Will I understand / The mysteries you hold in your hand?”

Another Christmas carol turns to Mary and asks, “Mary, did you know that your little boy will someday walk on water? / Mary, did you know that your little boy will save our sons and daughters? / Did you know that your little boy has come to make you new / This child that you’ve delivered will soon deliver you? / Mary, did you know?” And of course, Mary did not know. She knew that her son was special, but how could she have ever guessed how special he was?

No, it was not easy to be Joseph or Mary. Today, we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Joseph, and Mary. I think this family was holy not only because it was made up of kind and giving individuals. I think the holiness of this family also comes from the hardship and difficulties they faced and the fact that they faced them together and with love for each other. If we accept this as true, then we also have to say the Feast of the Holy Family celebrates many other families in our world today. To be part of a “holy family” does not mean that your family has to be perfect. No family is. It does not mean that you have not had or that you will never face problems. In fact, it is in facing problems that the holiness of a family is proven and increased. The “holy family” also does not have to be physically together, but its members must try to be present to each other despite being far away from each other.

It was not easy to be Joseph or Mary. But then, it is never easy to be a father or a mother trying to raise a family. Even if parents have model children — and very few of us are model sons and daughters — it is still not easy.

I hope no one thinks that I am implying that I am a model son when I share this story: On the day of my ordination, I remember one of my titas telling my mother, “Hay, ‘naku! Ang swerte mo naman at nagpari ang anak mo! (You are so lucky! Your son is a priest!)” My mother only smiled. She did not say anything, but I knew what was going on in her head: “‘Naku! ‘Naku talaga! Kung alam mo lang! (If you only knew!)” I may not have given my mother a lot of reasons to worry when I was still a student, but once I entered the Jesuit novitiate, I actually gave her more worries. She was afraid when I was sent to live in the mountains of Bukidnon with the lumads. She was scared when I worked in a factory undercover, with no one there knowing I was a seminarian. She was anxious every day I served as a hospital chaplain and worried that I might get sick.

My tita told my mother, “Mothers of priests go straight to heaven.” When my mother does go to heaven, I do not think it will be because of anything I ever did. She told me once, “I have never prayed more in my life since you entered the Society of Jesus.” When my mother does go to heaven, it will be because of all the praying she has been doing. And it is prayer not for herself, but for me and for my sisters as well.

One of the hardest things for a parent must be when you know you have to let go and allow your child to risk getting hurt. When he or she does get hurt, you want to take on the pain and absorb the suffering yourself. But you know you cannot. And that makes it hurt more.

I read what I have written so far and I ask myself, “So what earth-shaking and life-changing lesson have you learned from all of this?” The lesson is nothing complicated, but it is still a mystery. It is something simple, but it is actually a challenging truth to live out. What is this? To be a parent is difficult.

One definition of a saint is someone who strives for the hardest and the best. Any parent trying to raise a family the best way he or she can is already a saint in my book. And if there is anything that I wish you will have as a take-away from the Feast of the Holy Family, it is this: If you are a parent, take a few moments to congratulate yourself and congratulate the God who has been helping you try to be holy. If your parents are still alive, contact them today and thank them for being holy. Trust me, it will be earth-shaking and life-changing — for them, for you, and for your family.