I hate algebra

The Philippine Star

What I am about to present to you today is a crazy old material that comes from an unknown source, so please do not take it seriously.

If you want to go back as a younger person… Just remember algebra.

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual — later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the US attorney general disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. “Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,” he declared. “They seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, the president stated, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown us a “sine” that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point and draw the line.”

The president warned, “These weapons of math instruction have the potential to “decimalate” everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex.”

The attorney general concluded, “As one of our former Great Leaders would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens.” End of material.

Creative but crazy. Obviously the writer hates algebra or should I say the writer hates math. And honestly, I know a lot of people who hate math because they are afraid of math.

Now some people I know are extremely good with math. So good are they that they do not use it properly. Take this case for example — a dialogue that took place between a patient and a nurse.

Nurse says: How old are you, Mrs. Smith?

Patient responded: None of your business.

Nurse says: But the doctor must know your age for his records.

Patient now employing her math powers: Well, first, multiply 20 by two, then add ten. Got that?

Nurse says: Yes. 50.

Patient: All right, now subtract 50, and tell me, what do you get?

Nurse: Zero.

Patient: Right. And that’s exactly the chance of me telling you my age.

Here’s my take on this. Smart people in businesses are good with math. Great engineers are good with math. A business friend of mine told me one day that math is simply pattern recognition. The better we are at math the better we are at our analytical thinking process so there’s advantage to knowing math and being good at it.

You don’t stay away from what you don’t know or what you fear most, you get into it and the more you know the more your fear disappears.

Learn… learn… and learn… for God did not give us a brain that is designed for idleness, but just like muscles the more we use it the better it becomes and the less we use it the more we lose it.

(Bestselling book author and productivity expert Todd Henry, Francis Kong and a host of successful leaders will talk about passion, purpose and productivity in a whole day conference entitled: “Die Empty” on Nov. 9, at Samsung Hall, SM Aura. For registration or inquiries contact April at +63928-559-1798.)

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