Doublespeak for engineers
I got a funny article through the web that talks about the top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean):
1. Several different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.)
2. Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.)
3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out of school.)
4. A major technological breakthrough! (It works OK, but looks very hi-tech!)
5. Customer satisfaction is as assured. (We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)
6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
7. Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)
8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)
9. It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)
10. We will look into it. (Forget it! We have enough problems already.)
11. Please note and initial. (Let’s spread the responsibility for this.)
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)
13. Give us your interpretation. (We can’t wait to hear your baloney.)
14. See me or let’s discuss. (Come to my office, I’ve messed up again.)
15. All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with the previous design.)
16. Rugged. (Don’t plan to lift it without major equipment.)
17. Robust! (Rugged, but more so.)
18. Lightweight. (Slightly lighter than rugged.)
19. Years of development. (One finally worked.)
20. Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)
21. No maintenance. (Impossible to fix.)
22. Low maintenance. (Nearly impossible to fix.)
23. Fax me the data. (I’m too lazy to write it down.)
24. We are following the standard! (That’s the way we have always done it!)
25. I didn’t get your e-mail. (I haven’t checked my e-mail for days.)
Some of you are probably smiling. Maybe you’re on the client side, and you’ve heard these familiar lines before. And then perhaps you are on the supplier’s side, and you’ve used these lines before. Whatever it is, no matter which side of the fence you belong to, understand that these lines are not honest, and they’re effective ‘trust-busters.” Clients hate being ripped off and in a business economy where competition is tight and fierce, you cannot afford to lose your customer’s trust.
You and I today are living in a 24-7 reality show situation wherein a hidden lie that is revealed can quickly be posted and cause a major tweet-storm that would negatively impact your business and establishment and would be difficult to fix.1
How often do I hear people say, “but it’s just a harmless little white lie.” Now this is the old-school sense of me talking here. There are no degrees of honesty; either you are honest, or you are not. An orange lie, a violet lie, a neon-colored lie or lies in any other color as various as cell phone cases still do not speak the truth. The devastating effect it has on a person is that it is highly habit-forming.
Better speak the truth all the time. This way, you don’t have to be stressed and spend too much energy trying to remember what you said the last time. It has been said that “He who loses honesty has nothing else to lose.” And when you have lost your customer’s trust; you might as well pack up and do something else.
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