Stop being everybody’s victim

The late US syndicated columnist Sydney J. Harris accompanied his friend George to his favorite newsstand. George greeted the man selling the newspapers courteously, but in return, he received gruff service. He barely acknowledged his customer and never even looked up at him when he requested the late-night edition. Accepting the newspaper, which was shoved rudely in his direction, George politely smiled and wished the newsman a pleasant weekend. The proprietor grunted an indiscernible sound and seemed relieved that the two men had completed their transaction. 

As the two friends walked down the street the columnist asked, “Does he always treat you so rudely?” “Yes, unfortunately, he does,” George responded. “And are you always so kind and friendly to him?” “Yes, I am!” George continued as they turned a corner. “Why are you so nice when he is so unfriendly to you?” With a look of deep contemplation, George explained, “Because I don’t want him to decide how I am going to act.”

Who decides how you are going to act? Is it your circumstances or the difficult people in your life that determine your responses? When we allow our conflicts to control us, we behave as though getting rid of our predicaments is our only priority. Therefore, it doesn’t really matter how we treat one another.

For example, we say, “This person is causing me distress right now so I don’t care about exercising patience, self-control, and loving-kindness. Instead, I want to let them know how angry I am because of their actions.”

We forget that our trials will eventually subside. But the way we handle conflicts, will influence our lives for a long time. Will you only respond to the momentary crisis or will you be more concerned about the enduring value of what kind of person you are becoming? Who decides how you will act when the pressure is on?

I had these lines posted in my social media spaces and I had almost 10,000 likes just in one site alone with almost 4,000 shares. And here is what I said:

Times are hard.

“Life is not easy. Emotions will be stirred. Do not do something that is permanently damaging as an immediate reaction to a very temporary state of anger and being upset. Not a good thing. Do not react. Respond after giving it a good amount of thinking.”

In my seminars I have always said that every person has two choices. He or she can choose to be a thermometer or a thermostat. The thermometer person adjusts his temper to the climate of the situation, while the thermostat person changes the climate. People who are temperamental are 90 percent temper and only 10 percent mental. The thermometer person is being controlled, while the thermostat person is in control. This usually differentiates the winners from the losers, the boys from the men.

One businessman said, “The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand-new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag – then threw the clubs back into the water.

So, who is the loser now?

There are people who are so intelligent, educated, in fact brilliant with their mental faculties, but they seem to stay stagnant with their careers or their businesses.

Why?

A closer examination would reveal that they cannot control their temper. Needless to say, people who cannot control their temper like these lack people skills and, whether you like it or not, doing business and managing careers involves relationships with other people too.

A French proverb says, “Anger is a bad counselor.” While a Hebrew proverb says, “Anger renders the man insane and the prophet dumb.”

Surrender your anger to God and ask Him to take over this weak area of your life. Understand that you cannot be in control of everything, but when you put your trust in the One who does, then you can breathe a lot easier. I know I do. Maybe that’s the reason why my air passages are clear.

(Join me for a whole-day learning event this Nov. 9, as I present a program entitled: “Culture of Personal Excellence from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. at the beautiful Santolan Town Plaza, Little Baguio, San Juan City. Limited seats are available. For further inquiries contact April at +63928-559-1798 or register online at www.successoptionsinc.com/cpe)

1(Adapted by Louis Lapides from John Powell, Why I am Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, Argus Communications)