The bully, the bullied

“I only start counting when it hurts.” – Muhammad Ali

The reactions to the bullying incident that has gone viral last week have blown out of control. Social media has propelled Filipinos to form a mindless mob calling for the blood of a minor. While the actions in the video are reprehensible, the reactions of older, supposedly more mature citizens, are even worse. There is no excuse for physically abusing another person. But perpetuating the cycle when you’ve had time to pause unnecessarily escalates matters further. If we look deeply, our reactions likely stem from our own feelings if being bullied, real pr perceived. We feel stymied, stepped on, held back by society, authority figures, people around us. We feel oppressed by corrupt politicians, high prices, traffic. And that needs an outlet, a constructive one.

What is most ironic (and saddest) is that the incident involves an athlete. Sport is meant to be the outlet, and the substitute for conflict. It was originally designed to be a controlled medium for resolving differences, short of the traditional ten paces at dawn. But if a person has pent-up emotions from being unable to reason with or even strike back at someone, then the hostility gets bottled up. 

The above quote refers to a time when Ali was asked how many sit-ups he did as part of his world-champion workout. Ali was fueled by an experience of bullying; his bicycle was stolen when he was 12 years old. After that, he swore that he would never be pushed around again. Unfortunately, the well-loved Ali, inspired by the antics of the flamboyant wrestler Gorgeous George, also went overboard. He bullied - and betrayed - Joe Frazier in the media. Frazier was one of the people who went out of their way to help Ali financially when he was stripped of his boxing license. But all people saw was Frazier’s venomous anger in later years. Smokin’ Joe was vilified for wishing that Ali had fallen into the Olympic flame in Atlanta in 1996.

That is the ultimate tragedy of bullying: it is self-perpetueting. And you no longer see where and how it started. It dangerously plants a seed of thought that one can get what one wants in life at another’s expense. It makes hurting someone for personal gain acceptable in one milieu, and naturally gets carried over into other environments. But, unlike tantrums through which children learn what is acceptable or not, bullying is not acceptable, anywhere.

In the case of children, they find someone that they can vent their ire on. Someone their size or age. Naturally, they do this to feel better about themselves. But they feel worse, and can’t comprehend why. Like other addictions, they escalate, looking for more and more artificial satisfaction. That is why this writer waited a few days before commenting on the incident. When the raw emotion subsides, then there is hopefully room for compassion, for both sides. 

What we have to bear in mind is that there is no training manual to be a parent. Most of us respond based on what we know, what we’ve been dealt. Subconsciously, good or bad that is our input, and unconsciously, that is what we will most probably draw from. For many, they know no other way. That is how my parents or elders treated me. That becomes my wellspring of responses. When you think about it, it really isn’t personal. In similar situations, people will respond similarly.

It may not be the right season to recall the phrase “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Perhaps it is more apt to say “Children, forgive your fathers when they know not what they do.”

A thoughtful, mindful Christmas to all.