Talking to yourself

Ever talk to yourself? I do it all the time.

The well-respected philosophy professor Dr. Dallas Willard says two conversations are always taking place. One is the conversation outside the mind, and the other is the conversation inside the mind.

The legendary motivational speaker of the olden days’ Zig Ziglar, says, “It’s okay to talk to yourself. This is why I talk to myself, and it’s all right. And if you talk to yourself, do not think you are paranoid or schizo; you are okay. But if you find yourself saying, “Huh?” Then you may have a problem.”

Now kidding aside, there’s a conversation in your head almost as a leader, and it goes on constantly. Many leaders seem so calm, confident, and controlled but are anxious and struggle deeply on the inside. There are positive and reassuring mental conversations, but truth to tell, many conversations are just too embarrassing to say out loud. If not managed correctly, then this negative self-talk can lead to self-destruction.

Here are some negative self-talk that should be arrested and reprogrammed:

1. “I don’t think I can be an effective leader, and I can’t let anybody know.”

This is the thinking process of many insecure leaders that leads them to be rude, arrogant, and bossy because they have a deep-seated fear of not being good enough for the task. When this was my mental conversation, I knew I lacked confidence, but I tried to explain it away that I was being humble. However, there is a difference between humility and having an inferiority complex.

2. “He or she is much more: talented/ popular/ gifted/ liked/ smart/ attractive/ educated/ successful...”

This kind of negative thinking is not only patently absurd but also very much unfounded. The wrong focus is on others who are perceived as better, whereas the area of focus and attention should have been on self-improvement and development. There was a time I entertained this kind of mental conversation every time I saw another trainer or speaker who did their craft well. Today I would publicly admire and say that they are so good they inspire me to be better. And this public statement takes the jealousy away immediately.

3. “I’m going to mess up again, just like the last time.”

We all make mistakes, but the sinister word here in this line of thinking is the word “AGAIN.” Thinking this way pre-qualifies me in the negative. I have not even started, yet I am not poised to fail. And chances are I will. Because rather than being excited about what I can do right, I will be too conscious of the things that may go wrong, which can very well be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Making mistakes is always part of the growing and improving equation. I have made tons of mistakes in the past and learned from them. Every time another mistake is committed, I have learned to automatically say, “Oops! Here is what I will improve on.”

4. “This leadership thing is not for me – I better quit.”

Too many leaders give up at the moment when just sticking to it a little bit more leads to their critical breakthrough. If the reason for quitting is because you are discouraged, then you can be sure you have the wrong reason for quitting or leaving.

My favorite philosopher Dr. Dallas Willard says, “We are constantly at the mercy of our ideas and that the human mind picks up ideas as easily as a coat would pick up a flint.” When I am in the company of pessimistic, negative, and miserable people, I pick up their ideas that would encourage me to give up. But when I read a good book, ask counsel from wise people, or stay in the company of positive people, they inspire me to stick it out and then achieve a breakthrough.

We need to be careful of the unceasing conversations that take place in our minds.

Confucius said: “The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.” Marcus Aurelius said: “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.” Charles Swindoll says: “The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking about excellence. It’s a matter of programming our minds with the information that will set us free.”

You might want to think about these.

(Francis Kong runs his highly acclaimed Level Up Leadership 2.0 Master Class Online this Aug. 17-19. For inquiries and reservations, contact April at +63928-559-1798 or and for more information, visit www.levelupleadership.ph)