Be likable

I came from a corporate culture that discouraged disagreement. Once the boss says something, you better accept what he said as gospel of truth and obey. Any signs or indications of dissent will be taken and interpreted as “rebellion.” Do you know that this toxic and unproductive culture still exists in many profit, non-profit, cooperatives, faith-based and other organizations today?

I had a conversation with a seasoned HR practitioner who told me what she observed when this big business organization hired her. She says, “We’ve always done things by ourselves. We never have external resource people come to speak to us; our conferences and events regularly feature our senior executives doing presentations. And while they find it strange which I do not,” says the HR directress. “We have been losing market share; our attrition is high; and we find ourselves vulnerable in a hyper-competition background, so please come and help us.”

I thought to myself quietly and said, “Here comes another prospective client in need of help and may actually be in a state of desperation.”

Unsurprised, she said, “And should you do the training for us, you will be the first external speaker they will ever experience for this yearly leadership conference. This time our bosses have admitted that their words and insights may not be enough; they need external ideas.”

When a business is doing well, when there are years of continuous growth, that is when things become very fixed and unchanging. Because in their period of “GROWTH CALMNESS,” the risk of a crisis becomes more imminent. A long moment of crisis leads to complacency. The mindset begins to “SETTLE.” Taking risks and experimenting with new things are not welcome and are shunned: “Don’t rock the boat.” “Why fix it when it’s not broken?” 

But then a crisis happens--sales go down and profitability suffers. Crises become the best situation to bring in reforms. As a leader, my questions to you are: 

Are you providing a safe place for your people to voice out their opinions even if their views contradict yours?

Are you encouraging your people to suggest ideas no matter how ridiculous you think they are?

Do you have a propensity to say, “I am not asking for your opinion? If I need an opinion, I will give you one?”

Maybe it’s time to realize that when you employed the people to work with you, you have employed their whole brain and you might as well use it. On the other side of the coin, you need to understand that when you do not voice out your opinion to your managers and leaders, you may be cheating the company.

So how do you manage conversations and deal with differing opinions and views? But let me go even a step further. How do you foster a creative session of debate and argument over ideas and issues and encourage creativity to take place? Let me suggest some ideas.

First, I need to qualify. Expressing my view, taking a stand and voicing out an opinion is never easy. Try doing this with social media. -- I am very active in the digital spaces, and I have observed the following things happening. As I share these, I hope you would find them useful.

Always be likable. Being likable does not mean you project a well-practiced politician’s smile, but you show respect.

Use reason and not emotions to argue a point. Make sure you are calm and possess facts and figures to back up your points. 

Make sure you are attacking the issues and not the person.

Stay positive and be gracious. Expect a great amount of pushback.

When somebody in the discussion uses harsh and rude words, you will have to decide beforehand that you would not do the same. Instead, you would be respectful, but you would be firm. Remember that being polite is not a sign of weakness. Rudeness and arrogance are a poor imitation of strength.

There will always be contrarians. I know this. Just take a look at the daily comments of those who would react or respond to my regular posts. But here is the key. The contrarians fade away and the likable people stay. A leadership truth is that all things being equal, the people who are more liked will get the promotions and never the people who are not liked no matter how brilliant they are.

I have been doing training for many years. My years of business consultancy and experiences have convinced me that many people come and go, but the nice people are still standing, and they are getting ahead. Yes, bullies attract attention, including the bad things that will happen to them and hinder them from achieving progress — being liked matters.

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