Communicate with power

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office for his checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took his wife aside and said: “Unless you do the following, your husband will surely die. Here’s what you need to do. Every morning, serve him a good healthy breakfast. Meet him at home each day for lunch so that you can serve him a well-balanced meal. Make sure that you feed him a good hot meal each evening and don’t overburden him with any stressful conversation, nor ask him to do any household chores. Also, keep the house spotless and clean so that he doesn’t get exposed to any dangerous germs.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said.

She replied, “He said that you’re going to die.”

I don’t think she’s much of a communicator. By the way, if you go home every night and you discover that your wife serves you nothing but pork every night, then it looks like she’s got a plan for you!

There is always a right way to say things and saying things the wrong way could cost you. This is what I learned early in life.

Dennis Waitley says there are 4 C’s of communication:

1. SPEAK CLEARLY.

Speak at a slow pace and with a conscious effort to talk clearly. The ideal speed of talking is 150 words per minute. In doing so, do not sound patronizing by slowing your pace and lowering your tone. This will turn people off.

2. SPEAK CONCISELY.

Get to the point. Too many words spoken will shut off the attention span of the audience. Some people I know wear me out by talking about so many preliminaries before they get to the point. This is a waste of both our time.

However, speaking concisely does not negate the importance of speaking with tact and sensitivity. The element of timing is always crucial, but do not waste words on useless things. Go straight to the point.

3. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY.

It is amazing to know that most people survive with only 150 or more words in their vocabulary. The unabridged English dictionary contains 450,000 words, yet most people do not take the effort to increase their vocabulary. Only a mere 3,500 words separate the mediocre from the excellent speaker.

4. CHOOSE CONCRETE TERMINOLOGY 

Do not use vague or abstract message to avoid wrong interpretations. Making a memo or writing a business letter should be as clear and concise as possible and this is achieved through the use of concrete terminology.

Here are Words to Avoid:

1. BUT. This means everything you said before the word doesn’t count.

People can always sense when you are about to say “BUT.” Waitley tells of an experience he will never forget.

One evening he decided to have a very positive conversation with his son. He says, “Son, know that I love you very much, and I am very proud of you. You do your homework diligently and you are a well-behaved child.” And then his son said, “…and but? Where’s the word but? Because you always say some good things and then the word but comes and you would scold me for something.” Waitley says this was one lesson he will never forget.

2. SHOULD. This word puts the blame on other people and triggers their defense mechanism. This also offers an ultimatum. “You should have done this...” “You should do this…”

3. YOU MADE ME. This is blame fixing and very counterproductive.

“You made me mad.” “You made me do this.” “You made me the way I am...”

4. ALWAYS partnering WITH NEVER. Put down words that are in absolutes and extremes.

5. I CAN’T forfeits opportunities and growth. It means, “won’t try because it won’t work!”

On the other hand, here is a list of the most important words from six words to one word:

1. Six most important words: “I admit I made a mistake.”

2. Five most important words: “You did a good job.“

3. Four most important words: “What is your opinion?”

4. Three most important words: “If you please.”

5. Two most important words: “Thank you.”

6. One most important word: “We”

7. The least important word: “I”

 Guess what the Scriptures has to say. “Out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks.” And so we do not only watch what we say, we first need to watch our heart carefully.

(Attend the two exciting and inspiring days of leadership training with Francis Kong in his highly acclaimed Level Up Leadership seminar-workshop on May 21 and 22 at Seda Vertis North, Quezon City. For registration or inquiries contact April at +63928-559-1798 or register online at www.levelupleadership.ph)