The limits of grief

In the face of unspeakable loss, we are allowed – entitled, even – to grieve. We go through the five stages of the experience: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is an understandable, very human thing. But when does it become too much? When does expressing sorrow become forum shopping, attention grabbing, commercialism? Two sports personalities have reacted to the recent behavior of Rovelyn Baterbonia, mother of Rene Baterbonia, the Ateneo Blue Eagles rookie who drowned in Aurora on June 8. They feel that it has been a little too much.

“We still sympathize with Mrs. Baterbonia. It’s a tragedy, and her pain will not go away,” explains Chris King dela Cruz, a teacher at UST for roughly 20 years, and head coach of the school’s men’s senior high school basketball team. “But she has been sharing fake narratives that have been shared by other content creators, conspiracy theories that have no basis, which goes against the motto of the University of Santo Tomas, veritas in caritate, truth in love.”

The multi-awarded coach also says he doubts the narrative that the Baterbonias attended UAAP games last week to watch UST, not Ateneo. They were in the audience along with the parents of Divine Adili, who also drowned in the tragic training incident. After the game, the family went to the dugout to take photos and video with the Growling Tigers.

“Even just entertaining Mrs. Baterbonia is already a red flag,” adds Dela Cruz, a multi-awarded coach and servant of the church. “First of all, we do not have business with her. She went there to see Koji (Buenaflor), which rides on a fake narrative. In the online environment that we have on social media, Thomasians are speaking out on Threads, on FB, on X; they are expressing disapproval of the university being associated – through the men’s basketball team – with Mrs. Baterbonia. Let’s distance ourselves. We can sympathize, but not to the extreme of dedicating the season to them. What is the right way to ask for justice? To file cases against those who deserve it.”

Meanwhile, Bare-Knuckle Boxing (BKB) super welterweight world champion Rolando Dy posted a joke on Facebook in the vernacular that said, should he pass away, he forbids anyone from selling refrigerator magnets and photo albums of him online. He added that he would haunt whoever did so. Baterbonia suporters construed this as a criticism of Mrs. Baterbonia’s social media commerce for her son. Dy’s post reaped criticism, mostly from Baterbonians from the southern part of the Philippines. In response, he said he was joking, then quipped that he didn’t realize that they were a religion.

These are just two incidents that raise questions about how we handle personal loss, how much leeway we should be given, and what the limits of societal tolerance should be, when grief evolves into something else.

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Takewondo Olympic bronze medalist Stephen Fernandez will be featured on “Masters of the Game”, Saturdays and Sundays at 5:15 pm over IBC 13 and DWAN 1206 AM.