VP Leni Robredo: How to talk to teens about sex

PUERTO PRINCESA, Palawan — The Philippines is the only country in Southeast Asia where teenage pregnancy is on the rise.

One in three Filipino youth has engaged in premarital sex while one in four has engaged in it before age 18, says the 2013 Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study in the Philippines.

Of the 10 million girls aged 10 to 19 in the country, 10 percent of those who are 15 to 19 years old are already mothers or are pregnant with their first child, according to the 2013 National Demographic and Health Survey.

Non-government organization Zuellig Family Foundation (ZFF) adds that, in the country, 11 mothers die of pregnancy or pregnancy-related causes everyday due to failure to go to prenatal checkups, delayed medical response, giving birth at home, ill-equipped hospitals, and an increasing trend of teenage pregnancy among those 12 to 14 years old.

ZFF’s research indicates that if a mother dies, it produces a ripple effect on families and society. Her baby has a high risk of dying before reaching two years old, while her other kids are reportedly 10 times more likely to drop out of school, suffer from poor health, or also die young.

Every year, the Philippines forfeits around P33 billion, or over one percent of its Gross Domestic Product (GDP), in lost income alone due to early pregnancy, says the study “Education, Earnings and Health Effects of Teenage Pregnancy in the Philippines,” by Dr. Alejandro Herrin, published in Health Economist on July 2016.

Leni: Early pregnancies have a long-term impact

From the mom’s health to the country’s GDP, Vice President Maria Leonor “Leni” Robredo reminded teens of the many consequences of a single action.

“Dialogues such as these are important kasi ‘pag bata, bugso lang ng damdamin, hindi iniisip ‘yung consequences. ‘Pag nabuntis ng maaga, baka hindi na makatapos ng pag-aaral. Kung hindi nakatapos ng pag-aaral, hindi makakahanap ng maayos na trabaho. The effect is not just on the girl. But it may reflect on many generations after her,” the vice president said during the recent launch of Babaenihan Campaign at Western Philippines University.

Organized by the Office of the Vice President (OVP) and the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), the campaign aims to raise awareness about the urgency of addressing teenage pregnancies through investments in education, health, and economic opportunities.

According to UNFPA’s research, talking to the youth about sex, especially about the diseases and infections they can get from it, is enough to make them abstain from it and wait until marriage before doing it. “It does not promote promiscuity. Rather, evidence suggests that what happens is quite the opposite,” assured Klaus Beck, UNFPA Country Representative.

During the launch, the vice president and Beck gave tips on how the youth, parents, and the community can work together to prevent premarital sex, teenage pregnancy, and their negative consequences.

Try to limit chances of encounters

“The first question you will ask is how do they get a chance to do that?” the VP pointed out.

“They get a chance to do that only if the immediate community around them allows them to do that. Nasa’n ‘yung magulang?... Nasa’n ‘yung teacher na hinahanap sa paaralan?... So there are so many factors that could either add or prevent things like these from happening… If children such as 11, 12, and 13 are able to indulge in such practices, may problema ‘yung magulang. May problema rin siguro ‘yung mga teachers.”

Develop open and transparent relations early on

As a parent of 12- and 15-year-old girls, Beck admitted that sex “is not an easy topic to talk children about.”

VP Leni agrees. “I have three girls myself, ages 29, 23 and 17. So, they’re in the ages wherein they should know their limits. But it’s not easy especially if the relationship between the parent and the child has not achieved that level of communication where the child can comfortably ask the parent about these things. So, it’s very important that early on you develop a really open and transparent relations with their children for them to have the courage to ask you these types of questions. Kasi I think, if you don’t have that level of communication, children will never ask you.”

According to her, if your kids cannot ask you the simpler things, “how much more things as complicated and as embarrassing as these things?”

“Although these things should never be embarrassing. Pero it’s in the Filipino culture, I think, that some things are better left undiscussed…Because the level of communication is important as far as these things are concerned.”

Start with crushes

Before you start talking to your kid about sex, Beck said, “You can start with crushes, then relationships, the different relationships. You can explain the difference between friendship, how to treat a partner, breakup with a partner, how to prepare yourself to the day you fall in love with someone, get married, and eventually, make love.”

Welcome questions about sex

 “I think if ever your child comes to you, and I hope they would, that’s already a very, very good sign,” said Beck.

“Because that means that they already feel confident enough in your relationship and they’re willing to ask questions. How you handle that is really important because if you try to say something like, ‘Oh, no, later!’ or ‘We can’t talk about that!’ Then most likely, your child will never come back to you to ask about questions… So I think it’s very important, although you might not be comfortable about the topic, that you don’t dismiss right away… Be open. Never shut down a conversation.”

You do not have to go into details

“I found out that the earlier you are willing to ask whatever question that comes out, in an age appropriate way, of course, you don’t have to go into details. It can come in a very natural conversation,” Beck explained.

Research together

“If you don’t know something, then research it together,” Beck suggested.

“You can be honest with your child and tell him that you don’t know everything. Researching together is a learning opportunity for both of you… If my children are to get information on these topics, I would want to be the one to tell them what information should be. I want to make sure that it’s the right information. I don’t want some peer or Internet website to tell them something that might not be true.”

Empower girls

“Girls should be empowered to say ‘no’ because it’s their right to say no,” stressed Beck.

 “You really have to empower your girls because maybe it’s not because they want to have sex, it’s because they were forced into situations, they’re under pressure from the boy or their peers.”

“Mas mahalaga siguro na ‘yung kalakasan nating mga kakabaihan ay hindi nanggagaling kanino man, pero nanggagaling sa sarili natin. ‘Yung ating kalakasan hindi natin pwede idepend sa iba. Rather, our strength lies within ourselves,” Robredo added.

Prioritize injecting values, not contraceptives

Whether or not you want to cite Bible verses is up to you, said Beck, since for him, “faith is a very individual thing.”

He believes that many Filipinos’ Catholicism and religion have nothing to do with them being unable to discuss sex with their children.

“It’s universal…It’s a difficult topic for everyone to talk about. I’m a father and I’d like to think that my children would never grow up, but we know that they should and they will. I have to ready myself and be ready for that day.”

Even the use of contraceptives, he said, should be based on one’s values and beliefs. Contrary to reports, UNFPA did not and does not distribute contraceptives to schools, Beck assured.

He, however, said that UNFPA advocates a “multi-faceted approach to get those who want to have sex to get protected.”

“In as much as we don’t want them to, as parents, as teachers, as educators, we cannot control it. We need to make sure to protect them, their health, and their future.”

VP Leni stressed that “Fighting off teenage pregnancy is a community fight. It is not just the fight of young people, schools, parents, but every one of us.”

“Sa buhay, marami pa kayong pagdadaanan. Mga bata pa kayo. Napakaraming temptations na dadaanan. Maraming mga pagsubok ang dadaanan,” she enthused.

“The knowledge that power lies within us. ‘Yan ‘yung kalakasan natin,’ yan ang sandata na dala-dala natin sa araw-araw.”