Stop Dwelling in Your Past Mistakes and Failures

CEBU, Philippines — Some of us are haunted by our past, even in our waking hours. This robs us of our peace and joy in living. In this light, I’d like to share the story of Roger from the book “Living Water 2012”:

  “One morning, my thoughts ran: ‘Why didn’t I do that? I never should have done it? If only I could talk to him! Why I didn’t pursue it? Why did I allow it to happen?’ As a result, I was weighed down and discouraged. Later, I realized that these were thoughts of regret, shame, and guilt due to past disappointments. I immediately repented and prayed to the Holy Spirit to comfort me. In a few seconds the disturbing thoughts disappeared.

I’ve realized that disappointments will come, but we should not hang on to them.  Dwelling on past mistakes, failures, losses, or betrayals bring an increasing weight of sin, shame, and guilt – which inevitably lead to bitterness, sadness, self-pity, doubt, and unbelief.

The way to overcome disappointments is to forgive ourselves and let go of past pains. We must try again and confidently trust God for the outcome, for His desires to restore to us everything we have lost – redeeming and multiplying it back to us as long as we remain faithful to Him.”

Like someone I know who could not forgive herself and forget the mistake that she committed in the past. She aborted her sixth child because she felt she could no longer afford to raise her/him.  Sometimes in her dream she could hear him/her asking why he/she was not given the chance to live. The voice would linger on asking, “Mama, why didn’t you allow me to live? Why, Mama? Why?”

I, too, had my own share of sadness in the past wherein I was betrayed by a close relative. It wounded my soul and carved an excruciating pain in my heart. Every time I’m haunted by the memory, tears would flow down my cheeks. I entertained it for years, until I realized that I should not be a victim for a lifetime.

One day, I scribbled all my pains in a journal and tore the pages to pieces. I threw the pieces into the running water, and I felt my pain go with it. I felt exhilarated knowing that I had forgiven him and lifted up everything to God.  Every time the sad memory would come back, I’d feel lightness in my inner being – I had forgiven him. And there’s no more pain.

According to the wikiHow.com, dwelling in the past can lead to anxiety and depression. The website suggests ways on how not to dwell in the past:

• Express your heart. There are many sources of pain in life. Instead of reliving your past over and over in your head, express yourself by writing it in a journal, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or talking to a professional counselor. Expressing your feelings about your past can also help you understand how you really feel about the situation.

• Accept that your past has happened and you may or may not be proud of what had happened. However, it is now part of your story.

• Decide to let your past go. Once you have expressed your hurt, make a conscious decision to let it go. Although you cannot change your past, you can choose not to dwell on it. Take the steps to move on.