Emotional intelligence at work

Have you ever worked for a boss who is highly emotional and high-strung all the time? It’s as if every moment were a crisis. One person complained: “My boss is so emotional, their annual performance review turned into a group therapy session with snacks and crying.” Another one says: “Our office runs on coffee, Wi-Fi and our boss’s mood swings.”

This situation is exacerbated by the entry of Gen Z, often labeled as the most anxious and emotional generation today. This is not a sweeping generalization, of course as I have worked with incredibly cool, calm and intelligent Gen Z individuals in my leadership training sessions. Yet, when I point this out, I kid you not – two-thirds of my participants nod vigorously in agreement.

The workplace now values emotional intelligence as its most important asset because it helps people manage their daily responsibilities and make decisions under time pressure. Different roles may require different emotional intelligence skills, but the core habits – like managing the quiet pause before reacting – are universally beneficial. Explaining role-specific examples can help readers see how these habits apply to their own work environment.

We often praise emotionally intelligent people for what they do. They listen well, manage stress and offer thoughtful feedback. But perhaps as important if not more so is what they deliberately avoid doing.

Here are seven practices that emotionally intelligent individuals sidestep – choices that may seem small in the moment but that build trust, credibility and leadership over time.

1. They don’t react on impulse

When emotions run high, it’s tempting to fire off an email, lash out in a meeting or jump to conclusions. Emotionally intelligent people resist this urge, but doing so can be difficult when workplace stress or deadlines pressure them. Recognizing common barriers like fear of conflict or habit can help readers develop strategies such as deep breathing or taking a time-out to maintain emotional control and practice these habits effectively.

2. They don’t bottle up emotions

People with emotional intelligence show their true feelings rather than pretending to be okay when they actually feel bad. But here is the caveat: they recognize their emotions and learn to manage them before expressing them to others. Through this approach, they demonstrate authentic emotional sharing without forcing others to handle their feelings. This practice leads to workplaces that feel more like human communities.

3. They don’t criticize to wound

For emotionally intelligent individuals, feedback is never a weapon. They don’t criticize to humiliate or correct to assert power. Instead, they frame their input with empathy and a desire to help others grow. They aim to improve, not punish.

4. They don’t gossip

People find gossip highly appealing. The process of building relationships through gossip creates short-term connections that grant brief periods of control. Choosing to avoid gossip helps build trust and integrity, fostering a more positive and respectful workplace environment.

5. They don’t dwell on failure

Setbacks are inevitable. But emotionally intelligent people don’t turn failure into a personal indictment. They extract the lesson then pick themselves up and continue. They recognize that errors help them grow rather than determine their worth. The way people think about failure shapes their ability to withstand challenges which in turn leads to enduring achievement.

6. They don’t avoid difficult conversations

People with emotional intelligence recognize that hard conversations serve an essential purpose. They address issues promptly when they need to provide challenging feedback, resolve conflicts or set limits. They prepare for discussions by keeping their emotions under control and treating everyone with respect. Those who grasp this principle understand that hiding the truth causes more harm than expressing it directly.

7. They don’t hold grudges

Yes, they get hurt. Yes, they feel betrayed at times. But emotionally intelligent people refuse to let bitterness take root. Choosing forgiveness frees them from past burdens allowing them to focus on growth and future success.

Here’s the secret superpower of emotional intelligence: restraint. The wisdom to hold back the sharp remark, the instinct to pause before passing judgment, the humility to let go of ego when it’s itching to take the wheel. In business and in life, the most brilliant move is often the one we choose not to make.

Real growth isn’t just measured by how we perform at our best but by how we manage ourselves at our worst. Good emotional intelligence isn’t some mystical trait reserved for the few; it’s a leadership skill and like any skill, it can be trained, sharpened and strengthened. I’ve seen it time and again. And yes, the results speak louder than any outburst ever could.

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