Macho or macho-nurin, Happy Father's day!

There are great stories, even songs, about fathers – about their relationships with their sons or daughters, or in-laws, or even their own fathers. The topics can be equally as touching – birth, death, tragedy, war, the passing of years, love, hate, reconciliation, losing, discovery, rediscovery ….

One thing for sure though, for most of us, our fathers will always play an unforgettable part of our lives no matter how long or short the relationship has been, no matter the circumstances.

Today, on a day that has been designated as Father’s Day, I have written some things that I remember from my old man. Those were the days when dads did not need to go abroad to bring home food for the table and pay tuition for the children’s education.

Back then

My Dad was typical of most fathers during those days. He would leave for work in the morning after having had breakfast and be home in time for supper. My mom, who was a full-time homemaker, would shoo us away from Dad in the evening as a way of showing respect and giving the breadwinner some quiet time to rest.

He was a disciplinarian and anyone among us siblings who forgot to toe the line or belligerently strayed from his edicts would be seriously taken to task. He brooked no arguments to his dictates, and part of this drama was keeping an aura of aloofness.

Yet no matter how seemingly distant he conducted himself before us, we never wavered in the belief that he loved us. He wouldn’t hug or give his shoulder to cry on during our own personal trials, yet the mere fact that he was around and ready to listen and give advice was consoling enough.

Lessons from Dad

My father demonstrated to us one of his basic principles, do the best in whatever you do and earn your keep honestly. He was a government employee and being a civil engineer, he was one of those involved in projects building homes and developing residential areas in what were then known as Project 3, 4 and 7 in Quezon City.

He could have easily gotten one or two of the several hundreds of houses they were building but up to his retirement from service, we were still renting the place we called home.

Family comes first is another lesson he constantly pounded on us. I remember until now the one time he punished me by ordering me to be in kneeling position for half an hour. He caught me fighting with my younger brother, Butch (of Motoring Today and Business and Leisure).

He lectured us that fighting among family members should not happen and that we should protect and take care of each other. If we don’t, no one else would. Kneeling was not that bad, but the lesson was learned. 

He taught us to dream, and in just about the same way, helped us achieve our goals and aspirations. I can say that what I am today is largely because of him and in spite of him, and there are no regrets – only gratitude and reciprocal love.

New realities

Among the many local songs about father and child, one that tugs hard at the heartstrings is “Anak” by Freddie Aguilar. The beginning part, in particular, aptly summarizes how parents feel when their child is born. “Nang isilang ka sa mundong ito, laking tuwa ng magulang mo.”

The song is so universal that many other nationalities had taken pains to translate it in their own native tongues. Like any Filipino father, who can now be found in even the far-flung corners of the world, a child born of his own blood never fails to elicit a surge of joy.

With advances in communication technology, being an OFW father has become bearable. He may not come home every night, but there can be nightly calls using Skype (or its equivalent) and other forms of keeping in touch.

I’ve personally seen children of parents who are living this diaspora. For many husband-and-wife couples who have shown strength and faith in their family life, the children have grown up exhibiting surprisingly solid moral values and a healthy outlook in life.

Perhaps it is more difficult for families where the mothers instead of the fathers have to be away. We have about 9 million migrant workers abroad, and about half of them are female, who have made some hard decision to bequeath the day-to-day mom-and-dad role to their husband.

House-bands

True it is harder for the mothers to go abroad and leave the running of domestic affairs with the father, and yet despite the many sad stories of such separation, there are still quite a number of instances when husband and wife are able to persevere and bring up a decent family.

We are grateful to our OFWs who have been tagged as the country’s modern day heroes, but yet my heart goes out to the Filipino house-band who valiantly sets aside his macho ego and unselfishly steps into the role of home-maker.

These daddies too are as much modern day heroes for having stuck around with the role and responsibility of caring and raising the children until adulthood – even if the relationship with the missus eventually does not survive.

To many of our growing youths, having fathers in such unconventional circumstances should only serve as inspiration to seek better lives. But if they belong to that unfortunate minority whose father opted for the easier, albeit non-productive life, it should only fortify you not to give up.

Given today’s realities, no matter how strange – or estranged – your relationship with the father of the family may be, let’s be grateful and be at peace with our life.

Tiger’s gift to me

I am writing this column from San Francisco where I am staying for a couple of days. My gift to myself, not necessarily because of Father’s Day, is watching live the U.S. Open. And I just can’t believe my luck because, yes, Tiger has been playing to the gallery’s adulation again.

Woods may not be in the same top form he displayed before his series of injuries and personal crises a few years back, but he still has that showmanship that has lifted the sports of golf ito the billion-dollar business that it is now.

I may not have seen Tiger play up close during his winning-est days, but, hey, the comeback show isn’t that bad. In fact, I just can’t stop cheering. And that the same way with Atty. Johnny Castillo, who joined me on this trip.

To all fathers out there, Happy Father’s Day. And if you’re a golfer like me, eat your heart out!

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