Making the kids visit

An elderly man in Manila calls his son in Davao and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are separating. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Papa, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Cebu and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“They’re not getting separated if I have anything to do with it,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls Manila immediately and screams at the old man, “You are not getting separated. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, Do you hear me?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife.

“Okay,” he says, “they’re coming this weekend, and they’re paying their own fares. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?”

Parents have to get creative these days just to make sure their children come to visit.

Here is another story I love.

A mother once told her closest friend, “If I die, I want to be cremated. Then I want you to gather all of my ashes and spread them on the grounds of Shoemart Megamall.”

Her friend could not understand.

“Of all places, why do you want your remains spread in the shopping mall?”

“So that I can be sure they would visit me at least once a week!” the mother replied.

We laugh because we all know someone like this. Maybe deep down we wish we had been a better person to someone like them.

My own parents have been gone for many years. Because of that, Father’s Day always feels heavier for me. There is no phone call to make, no car ride to plan, no table to sit at.

Whatever I wish I had said or done more often, that chance has quietly passed.

I think anyone who has lost their parents would say the same.

You only realize how important those small, ordinary visits are when they are no longer possible.

But Father’s Day still gives us a gift, even now.

It lets us reflect on what our parents gave us and ask if we are passing those things on.

This is something the Ilocana and I truly appreciate.

It brings us real joy that we do not have to come up with plans to get our children to visit. They just come on their own.

The best part is that the grandkids come too.

Matteo, Lily and Magnus fill our home with noise and laughter that no quiet living room could ever match.

I do not believe for a moment that this happened by accident.

Children are always watching us. Before they listen to what we say, they notice what we do.

I believe one reason our children visit us now is because, at some point, they saw us honor our parents while we still could. We were not perfect, and we did not do it as often as we should have, but it was enough for the lesson to stick.

The way we treat our parents becomes the script our children will one day follow.

Whether we like it or not, we are writing that script every single day.

I might be fairly well-known in my field. I write books, give talks, host a podcast, and have a column. But none of that matters as much as being a father whose children still want to come home.

That is a kind of success no résumé can measure.

Here is what the Bible says, and it is the only commandment with a promise attached:

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

If your parents are still with you, do not waste the window.

Pick up the phone.

Get in the car.

Show up.

Soon, like right now.

One day, sooner than you think, the window will close.

And if your parents have already gone ahead, like mine, then honor them by becoming the kind of parent your children will want to visit too.

God bless you, and God bless the dads who show up.

Happy Father’s Day.

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