Helping Children Make Friends

CEBU, Philippines - It breaks the parents' heart when their child goes home and tells them that he does not have a friend at school. It is hard to see one's boy or girl feel down and start to become a loner.

Parents don't like a situation where their children ask why their peers seem to shun them or do not want to be friends with them. It bothers parents if their child only plays all by himself or spends his day alone in his room.

Making friends is an important facet of a child's development. It is a way for him to learn social norms and develop his social skills. Parents must understand that there are underlying reasons why the child has difficulties interacting with other kids. He may be shy or just cautious by nature.

Simple steps can help to encourage our children towards positive social interaction. But the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation, Inc. - Dolores Aboitiz Children's Fund cautions that parents should not be pushy about it nor put too much pressure on the kids.

Here are helpful tips to give the little ones positive learning and fun experiences:

Saying Greetings

It's good for the child to learn to say "Hi!" to other children. This is a very basic way to make new friends! Shy children often have trouble with this. When someone greets them, they tend to look away, say nothing, and bow down their heads. It's not that they do not want to make friends. They just feel awkward, cautious, or self-conscious, especially to a stranger. This, however, sends a different message. "She doesn't like me," or "He is rude," or "He doesn't want a friend" are common wrong impressions the shy child's actions may imply.

One way to handle the problem is for parents to take the time to practice simple introductions with the child. Role-playing simple greetings helps. Parents shall break it down and make it simple for the child to comprehend and follow. The child shall be made to understand that a friendly greeting involves eye contact, smiling warmly, and speaking loudly enough to be heard; and that addressing the other person by name makes the greeting more personal.

Showing Kindness

Simple acts of kindness can be another way to signal friendliness to others. There are simple ways to do it. The child can share his sandwich with his seatmate, or help another child carry her things, or lend something to a schoolmate. A kind act tends to elicit kindness in return, and often starts a friendship.

It is not advisable, however, for children to try to "buy" friends by giving away money or valued possessions. This strategy doesn't work long-term. It may only give the child a friend for the moment. Other kids may only take the bait and won't reciprocate the kindness. Worse, the giving child may only end up being exploited.

Giving Compliments

"I like your dress. You look beautiful." Giving compliments is another easy way to signal friendliness. People, children especially, feel good to receive a compliment. A child must be taught not to hold his words if he really appreciates someone's fine qualities.

Parents shall help their children practice how to properly deliver a compliment. But, first of all, the compliment must be sincere.

Reaching Out to Others with Similar Interests

If the child likes to draw or dance, for example, she must be exposed to activity groups along the same line of interest! When a group of people gather together because of shared interests, friendship is likely to grow among them. Not only do the children get the chance to meet one another, but they may also find it easier and fun to develop their skills together. Also, at an emotional level, similarity provides a sense of assurance.

Hosting play dates

Once the child has made a friendly connection with a peer, it's good for the parents to invite his new pal to the house. If the kids are of the same age, play activities may be arranged. 

The parents have to discuss with their child beforehand about how to be a good host. For example, that hosts should try not to argue with their guests. The child must know that there may be an awkward moment initially, especially when his guest doesn't want to start a conversation, and the child, as the host, shall take the initiative. A host shall be accommodating to his guests and ready to offer choices of activities they can do together.

During the play date, parents shall keep watch on possible conflicts that may arise among the kids, and shall intervene quickly to settle it.

If, after trying these tips, the child still doesn't want to be or play with other children, or seems terrified of going to the playground, it may be time to talk to a qualified pediatrician.

(Helpful Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/growing-friendships)