Freeman Cebu Business

Pea-sized nuts!

ARE WE THERE YET? - Back Seat Driver - The Freeman

A week ago, I was planning to write about how the spaghetti deadline had come and gone and no business permits were revoked.  Due to pressing paternal matters, I missed my deadline.  No real sanctions came my way.  Instead, a little bundle of energetic petrolhead came our way.  Now, a third backseat driver has been introduced to our household.  Despite the challenges a new gearhead holds, this addition to the brood is a happy, and welcome one.

Why am I talking about paternity?  What has this got to do with motoring?  And how, in all things petrol-related, does it fit in to pea-sized nuts?  Let me answer that and explain to you how each one is related.

First, let’s talk about paternity.  Paternity, or fatherhood, is a role which, in the old days, is taken up by the man of the household.  Although this is no longer the iron clad rule, one thing is for certain; paternity requires one to be the head figure of a family unit and is primarily responsible for enforcing discipline, maintain order and keeping standards.  Just like a family, a city is also a unit, with the paternal role falling on the shoulders of the chosen mayor.

As we have established in the previous paragraph that a city mayor is someone who is like a father to his city, a mayor must do similar tasks to maintain peace and order in his city.  In relation to motoring, a mayor must do whatever it takes to make the roads safe for motorists and pedestrians alike.  An issue where a woman and child were killed when a rotting utility pole fell upon them prompted the paternal figure to issue an ultimatum against the different utility firms to clean up the city and remove rotting poles and spaghetti wires, else lose their permits.  Due to his flair for the dramatic, he scheduled the ultimatum on his natal day; sort of the utility firms’ gift to him if they complied with what he mandated them to do.

Unfortunately, these overcharging, self-fattening, poor-service and sub-standard utility firms were not able to meet the deadline and were set to face the wrath of this showbiz mayor.  Unfortunately, this wasn’t what happened.  Instead of pulling out his belt and dishing out a whipping, Mr. Karaoke decided to slap these utility firms on the wrist and cowardly just brand them liars and extended the deadline to May 1, 2016; a few days shy of the next scheduled elections.

I realized that this paternal figure decided to spare the rod and spoil the child because he was afraid that he would lose the votes of the employees of the different utility firms and would have to say goodbye to his ever-growing delusions of grandeur.  Well, that or he was afraid that if he took off his belt to whip these utility firms into shape, his pants my fall and expose his pea-sized nuts.  And everyone will realize how this man of the city is no man for he possesses the cojones of a helpless, dependent baby, ready to cry and whine when he doesn’t get his way.

And come to think of it, that just about what he’s good at; crying and whining about his pea-sized nuts.

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