If I'm with 3-D, then you're a fool - Gotcha

I don't know if I should be cheering or fleering. A Cabinet man and a Malacañang official separately sent me the other day copies of the same intelligencer that lists me among 12 journalists in a supposed "media-based 3-D plot" to bring down Joseph Estrada.

Maybe I should cheer. I always strive to excel in anything I do.

The un-alphabetical list ranks me No. 1 of the 12. Conversely No. 10 grumbled upon receiving her copy, "Why am I at the bottom?"

Estrada had said the other week that plotters already have scored in the first two of three Ds: disinforming people to disaffect them from him. He said the plotters will soon start the third D: destabilize his reign.

I've written columns for The STAR for only eight months, and already I deserve this attention from the powers that be. I must be doing something good. Before that, I had stopped writing for six months, busy as I was tying up loose ends in Isyu, the all-opinion paper that policemen confiscated for 17 days in a row on unconstitutional orders from Estrada. He should know; two of his intimate drinking buddies were partners of mine in that venture. This latest harassment can prove to be a convenient excuse to seek political asylum abroad. Paris, here I come.

Then again, maybe I should fleer. And it's not so much because of phone threats my family has been receiving the past two summers from men who introduce themselves as Estrada's. It's not so much for the two wiretaps that linemen uncovered at my house. It's because Estrada could be wasting taxpayer money on me. He said he has ordered his men to shadow the supposed plotters.

There's more reason to fume. My sources said they're worried about what sycophants who read Estrada's body language as direct orders might do to me. I'm appalled that the President of the Republic eats crap fed to him by such sycophants.

The intelligencer reads more like a scandal sheet to attack one of Estrada's covert PR men. In Malacañang's corridors of intrigue, the authors call it a white paper to make it look authoritative. My sources said Estrada is so mad at the PR man that he is planning to hurt the latter's other clients. He doesn't see that it's all a concoction of a Palace faction that is envious of the PR man. They're taking Estrada for a fool, and he doesn't know it.

This is not the first scandal sheet I've read about the PR man. Only last week, I read another paper linking him to two presidential pals who wangled executive orders to favor their businesses. Palace intriguers can't seem to decide if he's with or against the Estrada team.

Neither is this the first time my name has appeared in a scandal sheet. Sometime last September, a Palace faction claimed that Presidential Spokesman Jerry Barican was paying me to defend him on the Cabinet use of smuggled luxury vans. Ako pa. Readers who followed my pieces back then know better: Barican really got it from me for his silly justifications of their scandalous act.

And neither is this the first time that Estrada made a national issue out of pseudo-intelligencers submitted to him by favor-seekers. Only last July, he claimed that two Makati-based groups -- one composed of pols, the other of newspapermen -- were out to oust him. A STAR columnist, whose library had just been ransacked by strange men, felt alluded to.

My sources were vague about the author of this latest 3-D paper. It could be one of the three fat faggots or the Malacañang media-relations man whose hair and teeth are falling off. It could be that crybaby or the weak-hearted Cabinet man from Parañaque.

Whoever, the author has got things all mixed up. The 3-D unfolded when Estrada began destabilizing his own reign through cronyism, among other sins. Didn't he protect a cousin who was lobbying for release of P240 million in textbook funds, and a Chinoy partner who was under investigation for insider trading? Then he earned public disaffection for falsely promising walang kamag-anak, walang kumpare. Now he is in the final D: disinforming people about an alleged "media-based 3-D plot" that exists only in his mind.

I hate to disappoint the President, but journalists are by nature nonjoiners. They're loathe to concerted actions; they're lone rangers who do research on their own and refuse to share hard-earned info even with colleagues in the same paper. You won't find them plotting anything but where to drink the night away. As for me, the only "plot" I regularly join is a weekly prayer meeting, which tails whom Estrada has assigned to me might find boring.

I don't want to steal thunder, though, from the 11 other newspapermen in the 3-D honor list: (2) Alex Magno, Malaya, (3) Joey Nolasco, Inquirer, (4) Jun Engracia, Inquirer, (5) Federico Pascual, STAR, (6) Alvin Capino, Today, (7) Yen Makabenta, Post, (8) Marlen Ronquillo, Times, (9) Neal Cruz, Inquirer, (10) Ellen Tordesillas, Malaya, (11) Rocky Nazareno, Inquirer, (12) Jess Diaz, STAR.

I do not know some of you; those whom I do, I haven't seen in a long time. But from what I gather, readers look up to you as heroes for courageously presenting the truth as you see it. So, gentlemen and lady, take a bow.

INTERACTION. Bing Ramos, yahoo.com: "You hit hard in 'Even drunks can remember' (Gotcha, 29 Jan. 2000). Actor Erap needs to be told of his mistakes, or else he will run the country like he runs his family."

Isn't he already, Bing?

C. Ibarra, Vt.: "You did not mention a more serious speech blunder when Erap expressed alarm over the 2.8-percent population growth rate which worsens the housing shortage. In effect, he said, 'do as I preach, not as I do.' With his many wives and sons, he contributed much to that growth."

What portion is his of the 2.8, C.?

GSM, sms.com: "What's the score between Smart and Globe? Using Smart cellphone, I can't call relatives in the province who are on Globe. Please write about deplorable air pollution in Metro Manila."

Cough, cough, as soon as I, cough, argh, catch my breath, GSM.

YOUR BODY. New evidence shows that indoor substances, like dust mites that live in carpets and beddings, can lead to or worsen asthma in children, the U.S. Institute of medicine reports.

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