The modern love story of Ruffa Gutierrez and Yilmaz Bektas

Is this the little girl I carried?... I don’t remember growing older.

Yes, it’s true: I don’t remember growing older but I do remember those lines from the song Sunrise Sunset playing on the soundtrack during the wedding scene in the movie Fiddler on the Roof as the misty-eyed father (played by comedian Topol) gives away his daughter to a widely-smiling groom.

That song replays in the stereo of my mind as I envision Ruffa Gutierrez marching down the aisle with her Turkish boyfriend Yilmaz Bektas in not just one but two weddings scheduled two months apart, first in the Philippines and then in Istanbul.

Why do I feel that lump in my throat the way Topol does in the movie? Simple: Several years ago (but it seems only yesterday), I did carry Ruffa as a little girl, barely six-year-old then. One time, she even slept on my shoulder while we – her parents Eddie Gutierrez and Annabelle Rama, and little brother Rocky – were strolling around Disneyland. It happened in the late ’70s on my first visit to Los Angeles where the Gutierrezes were residing.

During a trip to the Universal Studio, I even took a picture of Ruffa making naughty faces. I had the photo enlarged and I wrote the following dedication: To Ruffa, my future Miss Universe! She didn’t bag the Miss U crown, all right, but she almost came home with the Miss World title in 1993 (she finished third, as Second Princess). Well, almost but not quite – but good enough.

And now, here she is: all grown-up, ready to settle down as a wife and, soon, a mother.

Have I really grown older? Did I look away that long? How time flies! I blinked and when I looked again, Ruffa stood towering over me, a full six-inch taller. How did she grow to be a beauty? How did she grow to be so tall?

I wonder.

There are going to be two weddings…

"…you’re right. Two weddings. First is on March 25, a garden wedding at the NBC Tent, and then the second will be on May 11, our third anniversary (as sweethearts), at an old palace in Istanbul."

Why two weddings? Is it your and Yilmaz’s way of pleasing both your families?

"In a way, yes. In the beginning, what we thought was to have an engagement party in the Philippines and have a really big wedding in Turkey and probably have a reception in L.A. But since our friends can’t fly to all or any of these places, when we were in Las Vegas two weeks ago to tell my Mom that we were getting married already, my Mom wanted a big wedding in Manila first so that all my relatives and friends can participate. And then we decided to have two weddings, one in Manila for my family and friends, and another one in Turkey for Yilmaz’s family and friends."

Will Yilmaz convert to being Catholic (for the Manila wedding) and you to being a Muslim (for the Istanbul wedding)?

"You know, the least of Yilmaz’s concerns is religion. He isn’t forcing me to become a Muslim. During the rites (here), he would probably give me a copy of the Koran, a copy of which he gave me two years ago. He said, ‘If you understand what you read, then that’s okay; I’m not gonna force you.’ And neither am I forcing him to embrace my religion. The pastor and the priest I’m talking to to officiate our wedding... they want Yilmaz to be converted to Christianity. But I told them, ‘I can’t force him to be a Christian/Catholic in the same way that he’s not forcing me to be a Muslim.’ If it will happen in God’s time, it will happen."

So, okay lang?

"Yeah. I’m just so happy that Yilmaz agreed to have a Christian wedding in the Philippines."

Won’t there be any civil wedding?

"We’ll probably have the civil rites during our engagement party a week before our wedding."

Are your parents, as per Muslim custom, going to spend for the engagement party?

"Well, my parents will spend for the despedida de soltera. My friends are hosting a bridal shower for me, and I’m excited about it."

Who’s doing your gown?

"I’m planning to get Valentino. I’m getting married only once in my lifetime and I really want to look beautiful…the perfect bride. I’m leaving (She did… last Friday. - RFL) for Rome to fit for my gown. If not Valentino, probably the Christian Dior."

You’re mature enough to decide for yourself. Are you very sure of yourself? Sure na sure ka na ba?

"Of course, I am! Actually, I’ve long waited for this time. I’m sad that I’ve met Yilmaz only (three years ago). I believe that he’s my soulmate…I believe that we are perfect for each other. You know, he’s very strong, he’s funny, he’s romantic, he’s very responsible, he knows what he wants in life…I know that he’ll be a good father and a good husband."

You’re close to your respective families, aren’t you?

"Oh, yes, we are. His family treats me like their own and my family treats Yilmaz like their own."

Are all members of Yilmaz’s family coming for the wedding?

"Well, not all. Do you know how many are they - all in all?"

How many?

"Don’t be shocked - 300,000!"

You mean, 3,000?

"I mean, 300,000!"

That big!?!

"That big!"

How did it happen?

"According to the Bektas family book, they are descended from the Botan Family. Their family is the second biggest in the world, coming after the Sheik Family from Saudi Arabia. So how can he possible fly all 300,000 to the Philippines? Probably only about 52 of them will be coming, or at most maybe a hundred."

What about his immediate family? How many brothers and sisters does Yilmaz have?

"He has 10 brothers, I think, and one sister, Kasra, is going to be one of my bridesmaids; my friend Donita (Rose) will be the Maid of Honor."

From the same set of parents?

"Two sets…with the first wife and then with the second wife."

So you know the Bektases well enough…

"Oh, yeah. I’ve met Yilmaz’s family two years ago and they’re absolutely nice. They’re the kindest people in the world. They treat me like part of their family…like their own daughter."

And Yilmaz, I understand, is treated like their own son by your family.

"Yilmaz is very fond of my Mom and my Dad. He loves my family as much as I do. Yilmaz’s Mom is quite similar to my Mom…"

…Mataray din?

"…I mean, pareho silang may very strong personality, very protective towards their children…They really cater to their children’s needs. Like my Mom, Yilmaz’s Mom is the first to come to her children’s rescue if they have problems."

What about cultural differences? Won’t they get in the way by and by?

"I’m just too happy that Turkey is part of Europe; it’s easy for me to embrace their culture. For one thing, I just love Turkish and Kurdish food. I love their music. Istanbul is already my second home…and Yilmaz loves the Philippines! He likes Filipino food; his favorite is halo-halo. He says that the Filipinos always have a smile in their faces, you know, and he finds us very warm and friendly. It’s funny because everywhere he is and he bumps into a Filipino, he always asks them, ‘Hi, do you know Ruffa?’ Ruffa who? ‘Ruffa Gutierrez.’ And the Filipinos he’s asking would say, ‘Of course, we know Ruffa Gutierrez. She’s our idol!’ He can’t seem to believe it. Sabi niya, ‘Are you really that famous?’ Sabi ko naman, ‘Hoy, bring all your relatives to our wedding and I’ll show you who Ruffa Gutierrez is.’ Biro ko lang ba. Para bang he’s doubting pa if I’m famous or not. My gosh! Grabe! But he does brag to every Filipino he meets, ‘Oh, she’s my fiancee!’ Ganoon siya!"

What are the similarities between Filipinos and the Turkish?

"They’re both close to their families. The Filipino wife and the Turkish wife are practically the same; they’re both submissive to the husband. You know, she has to honor whatever the husband says. I’m a career-oriented woman, I’ve been working since I was three-years old, but once married I will honor my husband; he will be my first priority. But I’d like to correct reports that I will just be a plain housewife in Istanbul. I won’t be. Otherwise, I’ll be bored and Yilmaz will be bored. That’s not my lifestyle."

So how will your life be as Mrs. Yilmaz Bektas?

"Well, Yilmaz is planning to put up a business for me. He told me, ‘Whatever you want; just let me know and I’ll put up the money for you.’ We’re gonna have a few homes all over the world - one in Istanbul, one in London and one in New York. He doesn’t like L.A. I’m still trying to convince him to move to L.A."

As a Muslim, is Yilmaz entitled to have four wives?

"Oh, no, that’s not true! I’ve already asked Yilmaz about two months after we decided to go steady. He said that, yes, Muslims can have four wives if, 1) the first wife dies, 2) if the second wife is ill and can’t bear any child, 3) if the wife cheats on the husband, and 4) if there’s still problem with the fourth wife, the husband can’t marry again. But it’s not true that you can have four wives all at the same time – you know, you go to wife No. 1 on Monday, to wife No. 2 on Tuesday and so on and so forth. That set-up siguro was true years and years ago, like during the 18th century. We’re now into the New Millennium and no woman, whether Christian or Buddhist or Muslim, will accept the fact the she’s just one of four wives."

So Yilmaz will be yours and yours alone.

"Of course!"

And you’re not about to share him with anybody.

"Of course, not! I’m not gonna share him with anybody! And if somebody will dare to get him, I’m make sure that she knows where she stands. I’ll make sure of that." (Followed by laughter.)

By the way, what business is Yilmaz in?

"He’s into petroleum, construction, communications and trading. He has to be based in New York because it’s near Europe. London, Turkey and the Middle East are the centers of his business."

A bit of a flashback... How did you meet?

"Ay naku, I met him when I was working for Century Productions. I had to cover the Cannes Film Festival; that was three years ago. Yilmaz didn’t even know what the Cannes Filmfest was all about. He was there to buy a boat. When I first met him, Yilmaz didn’t speak a single English word. Now, of course, he speaks near-perfect English even with a Turkish accent. That makes him sexy, the Turkish accent."

You were free and he was free at that time.

"Oh, yes. He was free and so was I. I didn’t have a boyfriend, he didn’t have a girlfriend."

You met at the right time. What was it that attracted you to him and him to you?

"Well, he has charisma. There’s something about his eyes..."

...Did he wink at you?

"...No, he didn’t. But he was looking at me with his big, black eyes. Nangungusap ang mata niya! He offered me champagne. Normally, I’m mataray with people, especially strangers, who offer me champagne. It wasn’t actually Yilmaz who came up to me but Halil, his French bodyguard, to say ‘Hello!’ I thought the bodyguard was the boss. Sabi ko, looking at Yilmaz, ‘My God, the driver is so cute!’ I thought Yilmaz was the driver! The French guy wasn’t my type. He was so maputi! I like guys who are medyo kayumanggi."

What happened after Yilmaz offered you champagne through his bodyguard?

"He offered me and my friends champagne and, you know, they (Yilmaz and Halil) were trying to talk to me. The funny thing is that, the next day, they checked into the Ambassador Hotel where I was billeted. Ambassador Hotel, which is in the South of France, was full but Yilmaz was able to get a room. Sinuhulan niya ’yung concierge, I’m sure! He asked the concierge to describe everything about me – where I was from, what I was doing there, how old I was! What’s funny was that when I had dinner with Mr. Ken Botelho (head of Century Productions) and his staff the following night in the same restaurant, Yilmaz was there again."

O, susunod-sunod!

"At mabilis! Gosh, he didn’t want to waste any time! A week later, he invited me na to Turkey. Normally, I would say no. But I was just so intrigued by his persistence that I actually said yes."

You liked his eyes. Were you attracted to him physically?

"Oh, yes, I was!"

What (did) Yilmaz have that other guys didn’t?

"You know, when you look at Yilmaz he looks like a dignified gentleman. And he is. I like the way he dresses... very European... he has a great sense of style. He has the best smile I have ever seen. Believe me, maraming babae ang naghahabol sa kanya! Siempre, he’s young, rich and handsome!"

Doesn’t he have any love child?

"Oh, yes, he has - with a former girlfriend. A daughter, three or four-years old."

How did Yilmaz court you?

"He was very persistent. He’d call 25 times a day. He asked his driver to pick me up at my hotel in Cannes and he brought me to the Turkish Embassy. That was all the way to Marseilles! Or somewhere. He took me on a shopping spree. And to think that he couldn’t communicate in English! What he did was paint pictures and cartoons. He’d draw a boy and a girl na parang in-love na in-love, surrounded with hearts!"

It was you who taught him English, di ba?

"I did!"

What was the first English words that you taught him?

(Blushing) "I love you!"

Now he says it a hundred times a day!

"All the time!"

Is Yilmaz possessive and seloso?

"Possessive and seloso in a reasonable way, I should say. You know, how would your boyfriend feel if another guy is rude to you or is trying to get your phone number behind his (the boyfriend’s) back? Siempre, you’ll get jealous, di ba! You know how it is."

How long after you met in Cannes did you say "yes" to him?

"A week later, he took me to Istanbul. I was surprised because the paparazzi were chasing us around and we were all over the papers. I thought, ‘This guy is not a businessman. I think he’s an actor!’ Akala ko niloloko lang niya ako. He did’t know that I was an actress; I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to know who I really was. A month later, he came to visit me in the Philippines, in June, right after my birthday. He came with Halil. That’s when he met my parents and the rest of my family and saw for himself how we were and how the Filipinos were. That was when he knew that I was an authentic actress. My parents were kind to him and he said, ‘How I wish I’d be a part of your family!’ After that, we became even closer."

Since then, it has been an "international" romance between the two of you, having rendezvous in London or in Istanbul or in Manila or anywhere in the world that catches your fancy. Your lovers’ quarrels have also been well-publicized. Do you and Yilmaz believe that you’re compatible?

"We believe so. I was born on June 24 and he was born on July 19; we’re both Cancer. I know the way he thinks and the way he feels, I know when he’s lying – and vice-versa. We know each other very well. I think one of the reasons why he likes me is because I’m sweet, as sweet as a chocolate-vanilla swirl, and I’m strong. I know what I want in life."

Your Mom cried for days before agreeing to your and Yilmaz’s wedding plans (no problem with Ruffa’s dad who’s convinced that Yilmaz is the right man for Ruffa). How were you able to make her say "yes"?

"My Dad was very understanding. When Yilmaz was here late last year, we had dinner at Prince Albert – including my manager, Angeli Pangilinan. Yilmaz was telling my Mom about our wedding plans but my Mom wasn’t taking him seriously. Akala niya nagbibiro lang si Yilmaz. Sabi niya, ‘Yilmaz, Ruffa is too young. What about her career? She isn’t ready for marriage yet.’ You know naman my Mom, she’s always concerned with my career. I told her, ‘Mom, I can’t be dancing on television until I’m 40!’ I have to start my own family. Anyway, she finally said yes, even if very reluctantly."

So where will the honeymoon be?

"We’ve been all over the world. Let me see... I guess we’ll have it in Maldives."

What about your career? Will you put it "on hold"? (She has a contract with GMA 7 where she stars in the soap Habang Kapiling Ka.)

"You know, Yilmaz doesn’t mind me working. He knows that showbiz is my world. He won’t mind me doing a movie every now and then or appearing on television. Right after the wedding (on March 25), I’ll probably take him and his family to Amanpulo; he has been dying to see Amanpulo for three years now. And then we’ll go straight to the States."

Where will you settle down?

"New York. But I’ll be coming and going, back and forth. I’ll be as busy as ever."

And how many kids do you want to have?

"As many as possible! Remember, the Bektases are the second largest family in the world!"