Hunks on the Block

Too much staring can cause eye damage or migraine. Too much drooling can cause severe dehydration and reading this article might just cause extreme cerebral harm. See a physician if symptoms occur. Proceed with much caution.

A new kind of epidemic has hit the country, something of heavy intensity no antibodies could ever prevent nor cure. Caused by a certain virus called The Hunks—a disease characterized by washboard abs, cover-boy looks, high-rating television shows, massive commercial campaigns and, recently revealed, sold-out concerts—this outbreak has been said to keep the greater female population of the archipelago restless to hysteric level. And while no said cure has ever been formulated, the unstoppable plague is predicted to become widespread to even farther territories, as long as it could possibly thrive.

Discovered on the ASAP laboratories, the Hunk bug was said to originally hit five of the sexiest young men, namely: Diether Ocampo, Piolo Pascual, Carlos Agassi, Jericho Rosales, and Bernard Palanca. Right after they became (rather willing) hosts came bulging biceps, rippling ab-muscles and instant telenovela slots. And what’s more puzzling is the sudden emergence of musical abilities and gyrating calisthenics capabilities (strikingly similar to the world-wide boy-band epidemic).

Soon, these host bodies became hot as ever, tirelessly flexing their limbs and diaphragms, infecting thousands with insomnia-causing fantasies, intensified with a live-concert CD and VCD. And as if that’s not enough, they recently had their Virgin Valentine Concert a few months back, consequentially infecting more.

So now it’s more rampant than ever before; it’s generally everywhere you go. Ride the MRT from end to end and count how many hunks you can see plastered on EDSA heaven (our not-so billboard included), the half-naked ones pretty much included. And not only that, switch on the television and keen on the commercial slots. Find out how they could monopolize pizza, underwear, hair gel, soda, beer, jeans, and even candy ads. It’s haunting. If you’re not hooked yet, you will be soon.

But be that as it may, I still suggest that we handle this on a case to case basis in order to get to a possible prevention; we need to get to know the enemies more in order to yield to safer, saner grounds. But examine them with much risk or you could just get struck.

Deither Ocampo—Once Diether O. Pascual (no relation with his fellow Hunk, whatsoever) before he ever got into the epidemic-prone confines of the television world, this certified Hunk-disease carrier was once a major in pulmonary therapy (and the other five courses that ended in the word therapy). He got his first ever big break on an accidental Jolt Cola ad and soon cut in as a member of the Star Circle, then on its second batch. There soon after, he put up two spicy restaurants (Cilantro and Oregano), a seat as a Bench image model for its skincare (Zui) and hair-styling (Fix) lines, an afternoon soap, a cheesy-crust pizza ad, and of course, tons of acting projects. Be it his clean-cut image or his aggressive and delinquent-prone demeanor (as his trademark "angel" tattoo dictates), Diet undoubtedly earns a throne in our heartthrob kingdom, when it has only been barely a decade after his bartending days.

Jericho Rosales—Back on the heyday of the Mr. Pogi competition in a noontime variety show, Jericho Rosales once won the title, and never let go of it. After the fete, he skyrocketed as a member of Star Circle Batch 4. Now, he is the undisputed telenovela prince, earning his soap an insistent primetime slot and demanding rating, and bagging real-life love interest Kristine Hermosa in the process. Lately, he’s been spotted in one of the most popular surf spots around the country. That, I guess, quite explains his gorgeous tan.

Carlos Agassi—This part-Persian actor, Amir Carlos D. Al-Hanake in real life, actually started as a commercial model, resulting to some 15 commercials (most popular of which is Hanford briefs, of which he has tons of billboards with). Now, as an actor, he is a nighttime soap-starrer amidst the flooded telenovela time-frame. He is also a recording artist and has released a debut album, The Amir of Rap. He is currently buffing up a collaboration album with Andrew E. That is, when he’s out of the gym.

Bernard Palanca—From the Revilla clan of beauty queens and model monarchies, comes this black sheep. Loaded on the tattoos, the needed facial hair, and the bad-ass attitude, BJ became the best alternative on the otherwise prim and proper roster of Star Circle’s batch 5 and the perfect match for sex-kitten Rica Peralejo. And just who could forget the 5:Thirsty campaign, where he transformed traffic into a beer gulping routine very effectively? He is currently busy waxing his band, Bisqit Factory’s starter album.

Piolo Pascual—He had been to the States and back. He went home to pursue a good showbiz career here, and he didn’t get disappointed. This once-thespian has had good reviews on his acting prowess, much more his boy-next-door charm. And, despite insistent rumors of his "alternative" sexuality, he has been proclaimed as the best-ever love team partner of the country’s tear-duct queen commonly known as Juday. It could’ve stopped at that, but this workaholic recently dabbled in the recording circuit with the release of his inspirational album, Deep Inside My Heart. Perfect move, don’t you think?

Well, what can I say, the epidemic is much worse than I thought and there is nothing that could be done to stop the girls from getting into the fever. Don’t ever think of calling 911 once they’re right in your television sets, much more be surprised when you catch yourself in the long cue outside their concert. You have been buzzed.