Undomestic goddess

This Week’s Winner

Betsy Gacutan-Ochosa lives in Las Piñas and describes herself as "a 30-something full-time mom, part-time preschool teacher and au pair extraordinaire." She was also a print model in an earlier life and now contributes regularly to a parenting magazine. 



 

Chapter 1 : Born Goddess

Coming from a family of professionals, I know that it came as a shock to everybody when I decided to be a homemaker after I settled down. Having studied in good (translation: expensive) schools from elementary to college, I know that never in a million years did they expect that I would end up staying at home being just a wife and a mother. I can still remember some relatives and family friends telling me not to "waste my talents," while others found it hard to imagine me being domesticated

I surprised myself, as well. Since we always had helpers at home, I grew up not having to do the chores at home. The most I did was to make my bed sometimes and wash the dishes on certain occasions. I never learned how to cook because all those times I attempted to, my yaya would shoo me away from the kitchen. It was really hard to imagine how I would fare as a homemaker.

I had a career — or at least, a semblance of one — before I settled down. I had a job, a salary, I had my own schedule, my own savings. I was, in every way, self-sufficient. It may not have been high paying, but mine was a glamour job — and I had to look pretty all the time. When I settled down, I traded my suits and high heels for jeans or shorts, sandals and apron — and I depended on my husband for all my financial needs. It was like turning into a different person altogether. To other people, I became a "plain housewife."

I didn’t really plan to be a stay-at-home mom, but the moment I first saw my child, I was hooked. I told myself that the best person to take care of him could be no one but me. I knew that I wanted to be there for all his "firsts" in life: his first smile, his first step, his first word, his first fall from the bed (which happened while I was in the dining room, but technically I was still there).

Chapter 2 : Help Wanted — Always!

Another factor that made me stick to my decision of staying with my child was the lack of a good, dependable child caregiver — a good yaya. Believe me, I had looked far and wide. From the time my son was an infant until he was three, I think I employed around 15 yayas. I heard all the possible reasons for them wanting to be employed and, eventually, for them wanting to be released. From being called home by their husbands, to attending someone’s funeral (which, for some reason, lasted for two months!). One looked so pale and sickly and had to leave after three days because of a migraine; one even complained that she had to do all the work (Hello! You applied as a househelp, remember?) Still, there was another who was just plain sad and bored and kept saying she was lonely. At one point I had to ask my friends if I should provide the maids with a form of entertainment in order to keep them. 

The quest for a good yaya got so frustrating — and time-consuming — that I decided I was the right one, after all. I am the best person to take care of my son. Besides, I was already paranoid that my neighbors thought I was some kind of Cruella DeVille to the helpers because I couldn’t seem to hold on to one for more than a month.

We were a small unit. There were just the three of us — my husband, my son and me — so it wasn’t really a difficult household to run. So for the past seven years, I have been the ultimate stay-at-home, all-around-mom-cum-yaya for both my husband and child.

Chapter 3: The Rewards

I totally reinvented myself. I learned how to cook, do the laundry (though I’ve long since hired someone to do that for me) and keep the house spic and span. I learned about all the sicknesses to avoid and the important medicines to keep handy. I learned how to manage the whole household without having to depend on anyone. Now, everyone in the house depends on me.

More importantly, though, being a full-time mom gave me the chance to be with my son when he needs me the most. When he started going to school, I was there to teach and guide him all the way. I am a somewhat popular face at his school because I am there every single day. I have met his teachers and I know the names of his classmates and friends. I have been a parent volunteer on several occasions, joined my son’s field trips and acted as Teacher Mom. One Halloween party in school, my son was Capt. Hook while I was Morticia Addams. We had such a blast.

I may not be wearing a power suit on weekdays, but in the eyes of my son and his friends, I can be Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, Yellow Ranger or whatever character they want me to be. My boardroom is the gym where I pick him up each afternoon — the same one where I try to answer all the "what" and "why" questions his friends have in store for me — and the place where I share the reviewers I diligently make before every exam. This is the place where I get a lot of smiles and hugs — the very place where I try to help solve the conflicts between some little people we call children. I am not just someone else’s mom; I am their "Tita Betsy."

Chapter 4: My True Calling

Suffice it to say that my choice to be a full-time mom did not limit me to being a nobody. Yes, there are times when I feel more like a "household help without pay." At times it just gets so physically and emotionally exhausting and I don’t always get the affirmation that I, too, need. Sometimes I still wonder how different my life would have been had I chosen another path. At times like these, I hike off to the nearest spa or to my favorite coffee place to recharge. I have long learned that I also need some pampering.

I guess we are all placed in this world, each with a different calling to heed. I answered the call of motherhood. I cannot be unmindful of the fact that being where I am today made me not just a parent to my son, but also a teacher, friend and playmate, as well. Sometimes I even get to extend the same to my son’s friends — and make them feel special and affirmed. It feels good knowing that I can make a child feel better, make a child smile, even just temporarily. And I can do so because I am here — because I have time for them. Had I been a busy working parent, I would have missed not just the opportunity to meet my child’s friends, but also the chance to see him — them — all grow, day by day.

I still I wince whenever someone refers to me as a "plain housewife." I think the term is somewhat derogatory. I don’t see anything plain about taking care of one’s home 24/7. It takes courage, creativity, patience and heart to keep the home front running smoothly. Add your child’s friends into the fray and let’s see how long you would stay sane.

It is not always easy. But the feeling that you get when you know that you are there for your child or for your family at the moment they need your hug the most is simply incomparable. And I am blessed to experience that feeling because of this path I chose. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Besides, I am far from being "plain." Ask my son and his friends and they will all tell you that Wonder Woman is never plain.