Listen!

My Lolo Rudy, a Jesuit priest known to many as Fr. Rudy Fernandez, SJ, is in his 80s. In his younger years, he served in Japan and was a basketball coach. 

Due to age, his eyesight is now deteriorating and he has to move carefully. In one of his inspirational text messages, he wrote: â€œMy legs are sturdy, my eyes are weak and my sight is narrow, and so my steps are wary and unsure. What affects a part affects the whole. Members of one body!” He was talking about the Church.  

He shares that, like many of our lolos, he has to depend more on other people. Yet surprisingly, there are quite a number of us — his apos — who find comfort in him. How does Lolo Rudy do it? He listens. 

Once, he told me that the highest form of respect is listening. Because in listening, you let the other person talk, and you let him take his time. Lolo Rudy listens to everyone, even to a simple child. I can’t blame one boy who adores him. When the mom of the child asked why he loves my priest friend, the child uttered: “Because Fr. Rudy listens to me.” I feel special, too.

I’m sure Lolo Rudy does not mind to be on the receiving end of our conversation being the kind of man that he is. Besides, listening, in my humble opinion, benefits the listener more than the one talking. 

Listening is a skill that allows us to grow deeper as a person and have more meaningful relationships. Sometimes, we think we’re good listeners, but are we really? 

In one of the team-building seminars conducted by Benchmark Consulting for ABS-CBN, it was explained that there are four levels of listening. 

The first is internal listening. In internal listening, the other party is talking and the “listener” is preoccupied with other things or thoughts. Or it could also be that the listener already has biases towards the other person and his ideas, thereby, preventing him to clearly understand what is being communicated. 

The next level of listening is focused. Here, a person makes a conscious effort to listen to the other party, despite the distractions, say, a noisy room. Yes, listening is a skill, and it requires effort. My bit of advice to be more focused on listening is to be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. This also entails discipline to refocus when you’re getting distracted. 

The third level of listening is global listening. Without words, we try to be sensitive through other people’s actions. Communication is 93 percent non-verbal and seven percent verbal, according to life coaches Trixy and Adam. How many times have we heard it — “actions speak louder than words?” 

And finally, the last level of listening is listening for possibilities. Look at the possibilities and opportunities that open because of listening. Perhaps, future relationships with the person (though not necessarily romantic) and friendships. 

And again, I go back to what Lolo Rudy said that listening is a form of respecting the other person. It’s not a matter of being more knowledgeable or even being funnier than the other person, but it’s simply appreciating what they have to say. It is a humbling experience altogether to let go of one’s ego, to hold your own thoughts and judgments, and in the process, become a better person. 

(I encourage you to attend team-building seminars. It’s the second time I attended one by Benchmark, and it’s good to have that positive vibe in any organization. Check out their website at www.benchmark-consulting.net. You can also e-mail me your comments at [email protected]. Have a great weekend!)