Love your enemies? Duterte greets De Lima, Bongbong to welcome Leni to Ilocos

How do we love our enemies? Throwing bread at them in response to their throwing stones? Do we hug them so tightly that we almost suffocate them? Seriously, how do we go about life in the face of sometimes irascible foes or critics?  

Not a few people even have what I call “imaginary enemies” who don’t even realize that you think of them as foes, perhaps due to past unfortunate encounters with them or your perceived suffering persecution and unjust acts by them. Here are some suggested ways to treat foes.

1.Treat foes with courtesy. Whatever our motives, whether it’s to neutralize a foe, to befuddle or confuse enemies, or out of genuine humane values and basic courtesy, it is good to treat foes or destractors politely. I believe that if we’re going to make a mistake, it is better to err on the side of courtesy.

Are some of our political leaders obeying the Christian teaching of the Bible in Luke Chapter 6, verses 27 to 28? It says: “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

This was one of the many unforgettable aspects of the fascinating State of the Nation address (SONA) of President Rody Duterte on July 25, as reported by Philippine STAR journalist Paolo Romero: “The brief handshake of President Duterte and Sen. Leila de Lima on Monday may not make them best friends, but it may ease the friction between them. As Duterte was about to ascend the rostrum of the House of Representatives session hall to deliver his first SONA, he passed by De Lima, who has been attacking his harsh anti-drug campaign. He backtracked and smiled at De Lima and shook hands with her.”

In that one public act of reaching out and greeting a known critic of his, Duterte the “tough guy” acted like a true gentleman, a humble and respectable statesman. At the 30th anniversary dinner of the STAR at Shangri-La Hotel BGC, Taguig City, Senator Richard Gordon told me he was also surprised and very impressed at the sight.

Another possible rapproachment I see is between two archrivals for the vice presidency. Recently at a lunch hosted by Marichu Vera-Perez Maceda and Pilipino Star Ngayon columnist Lolit Solis for former Senator Bongbong Marcos, his wife Atty. Liza Araneta Marcos and their son Sandro Marcos, they discussed their pending legal protest contesting the official results of the May 9, 2016 vice presidential election, how the family is adjusting after the election, their gratitude to voters and supporters. One question was asked.

What would Senator Bongbong Marcos do if his election opponent, Vice President Leni Robredo, plans or wants to visit their home province of Ilocos Norte? Bongbong smiled and replied: “If Leni visits Ilocos Norte, we’re Filipinos known for our grace and tradition of hospitality, we shall welcome her in the best Filipino and Ilocano tradition.”

2.Befriend foes. When one watches epic movies like Red Cliff by director John Woo or reads works about its inspiration, the ancient Chinese literary classic Romance of the Three Kingdoms, one can learn that some of our worst enemies can ideally be vanquished by turning them around to become our most loyal friends and staunch allies.

Do not dismiss our foes or critics as hopeless. Let us not unnecessarily and emotionally burn bridges, because I believe nothing is impossible in this world of ours.

In the West, there are also examples of wise, emotionally mature leaders who are not quarrelsome but who win over foes to become their allies. I recommend the book Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln. This 2005 book by Pulitzer Prize-winning American historian Doris Kearns Goodwin shows how US President Abraham Lincoln won over some political rivals to serve his government from 1861 to 1865.

3.See your foe as a blessing. I recall a private dinner with Sterling Paper Group CEO Henry Lim Bon Liong and young Filipino Chinese entrepreneurs of Anvil Business Club, where he quoted the late industrialist Konosuke Matsushita who said we should pray for the survival of our competitors so that we have a chance to showcase our superiority. This is an interesting and positive attitude towards foes, looking at them as a source of constant challenge so that we don’t grow soft and complacent.

Lim also narrated a childhood story of a wealthier cousin who once insulted him when they were both grade school kids; he never forgot that insult but kept the unpleasant incident inside as one of his lifelong motivations to excel and to triumph.

Years ago when Lucio C. Tan invited me to dinner, one of the stories he recounted was how then industry leader Fortune Tobacco (now merged with Philip Morris) had as its main competitor the La Suerte Cigar & Cigarette firm which was the licensee for the multinational Philip Morris at the time. Tan confided that he considered the continued existence of his competitor as a blessing to him, especially during the martial law years when some well-connected people tend to create business monopolies. He said no political or business forces could then be tempted to monopolize the whole Philippine cigarette industry, especially with the existence of his business rival as a licensee of a big Western multinational giant. In fact, Tan said when a big fire hit his competitor La Suerte Cigar, he immediately dispatched aid because he wanted this rival to survive.

The American statesman Benjamin Franklin also said: “Love your enemies, for they tell you your faults.” This is true. I believe we should not only treasure our foes and detractors, we should listen to their criticisms and frank feedback, whether valid in logic or not, because all of this can point out our own inherent weaknesses, faults and shortcomings which often our own so-called friends and even kin are too polite and timid to tell us.

I believe this is the same situation with leaders — whether in business or politics.  They should not just surround themselves with sycophants and “yes men,” but seek out and hear critical comments too so they can continuously improve themselves.

4. Forgive foes and tormentors — but do not forget their names. For those of us who might encounter seemingly really hopeless persons as detractors, foes or even tormentors, I still believe we should follow the Biblical admonition to be kind to them and throw bread even as they throw stones. Why?

I believe that our life is so short here on this earth. We have such limited time and most of us are extremely busy, so let us not be unnecessarily burdened, vexed and distracted by inconsequential pests whose faults or arrogance annoy us; let us just sincerely forgive them to liberate ourselves of anger — but don’t forget their names!

5. No need to annihilate foes, the best revenge is success. Last but not least, I am not a religious person, but there’s a Biblical teaching that vengeance is not ours but is up to God, so let us not even contemplate it and waste our time and resources sweating about it.

There is no need for the total annihilation of one’s competitors and foes; instead, I believe that achieving our own success is the best and sweetest revenge!

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