Are we there yet? Headless Horsemen

Back Seat Driver (The Freeman) - September 1, 2014 - 12:00am

CEBU, Philippines - A few days ago, I read an article which mentioned an admission by the humorless head honcho of Diaper Island City that they are desperately in need of a traffic czar.  According to that article, Diaper Island City is currently mired in so much road issues that they need someone to study the situation and create progressive solutions.  I guess this means I may have erred by having stated in a previous article that this city’s traffic head is doing a piss poor job.  For how can someone do a piss poor job when this someone does not exist at all?  I guess I owe everyone an apology for having lead them to believe that there is actually someone to blame for the mess on Diaper Island City.

Now I have a clearer understanding as to why the traffic enforcers on this island are, except for entertainment purposes, totally useless.  From the failure to apprehend motorists who intentionally stop to pick up or drop off passengers in No Stopping Anytime zones, to ignoring kumpare’s son who is piloting a scooter against the flow of traffic without a helmet, having no one to lead these headless chickens or whip them into shape is the result of the chaos that the head honcho has claimed in her annual fifteen-minute of fame speech.

Does hiring a traffic czar solve the issue?  Maybe.  If the person they hire has common sense, yes.  Despite the claims of the main city that someone needs to possess a doctorate in traffic dynamics or the like, a person without common sense would implement a no left turn policy and later on scratch their heads after they realize that their so-called solution created an even bigger problem.  A person can possess as much parchment paper credentials as they want, but if they have no real grasp of the situation, they might as well not boast about an alma mater not known for their claimed credentials.

Let’s go back to Diaper Island and their issues.  Aside from having admitted that their boys in blue have no one of credit to take orders from, the head honcho also claimed that poor street lighting has made the streets more dangerous and prone to criminal activities.  To resolve this problem, they intend to put up more than a hundred energy efficient lights, costing about five million big ones, along the streets to help illuminate the area.  A good plan, one might think.  But if you realize where they intend to put these lights, you’ll realize that common sense is really rare on this island.

Their proposal is to light up the M.L. Quezon highway, all the way to the first bridge, to the first export processing zone and parts of the City Hall.  Here’s the problem.  The lights in these areas are relatively bright as day compared to the small nooks and crannies of the barangays which are notorious for having high crime rates.  But why light up already brightly lit areas?  My guess would be on the fact that the city also plays host to the upcoming Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Summit next year.  I guess they also plan to dazzle the visiting dignitaries with their flashy lamp posts.  But we all know how that turned out the first time they did that.  I guess history is bound to repeat itself.

As I see it, it is not only the traffic department that is headless in terms of the absence of leadership.  Coming up with pointless solutions just to impress clueless people is not an achievement.  A parody commercial about diapers being the reason for the legendary battle at this city’s shores makes more sense than lighting up already bright streets and keeping the non-allied barangay’s streets in the dark.




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