Face to face with Cancer

"Why does this have to happen to me?" It was the only sober word that I could faintly hear from my friend. It was the most dreadful thing that ever happened to him.

As I sat dumbfounded beside him, the only words I could utter were the silence of my whisper. I found myself caught too off guard that I even found myself trembling, lost in my present world, too quick to think the prospects of losing my friend.

Cancer. The word is akin to death. No turning back. Chances are too thin.

How many of us know about cancer? How many of us are strong enough to fight it? I cannot tell. We cannot fight it when it is already there. The only abstemious decision we can make is to open our hearts and minds to accept that illness such as this can happen in random; and trust God that whatever He is doing in our lives, He has a purpose.

There are some people who were able to get through it and survived; others whose lives were extended for more months to live. But for how long? We can only hope to have people who are strong enough to stand for us and beside us.

Standing by my friend coping with this misery was painful. His family who stood with him could only do much and pray. The encouraging words: be strong, seemed audacious, pathetic and insensitive. It was easier to say the words. It seemed an excuse to pacify myself from the guilt that I felt. But the reality was, I didn't even know why I said that. It was as if I deprived him of his human frailty: his right to feel the depression and anger at the things that were happening to him. Muffling him from feeling that way was never a help. I felt feeble. Worst, I did not know how to lead him to change his outlook in life, seeing the situation in a different light.

The day came when he had to go. Losing my friend was one of the most difficult times I ever had. But I had to let go. That was 5 years ago.

And then one day, a friend of mine asked me to read a book entitled FACE TO FACE WITH CANCER by Marion Stroud. Just hearing that dreadful word caused my head to plummet, slowly gathering every bit of the painful memory I thought was already buried. The very moment the book was handed to me, I felt a sense of loss of not having this opportunity when I desperately needed one. Apparently, there are many books about cancer, its prevention and alternative treatment. Too technical and mundane. But there never really was a book that helped us how to cope up and face our lives when confronted with cancer. Honestly, the book FACE TO FACE WITH CANCER has tremendously changed my viewpoint in life. True, cancer can happen to anyone of us. It can alter our lives and strip us of our hopes, dreams, and control over every detail in our career and families. But I am thankful that an experienced author such as Marion Stroud shared a honest, straightforward and sensitive guidelines to how we face cancer. A product of her experiences and interview with people who'd been there, Marion will take you through the tests, diagnoses and treatments; exploring the emotional impact of fear anxiety and anger. She'll help you understand yourself, talk honestly and openly and live a life to the full, sharing her own discovery that hope and faith can survive the cancer diagnosis. Here are some of the most helpful insights taken from the book:

"The art of caring and sharing-to show that we care and are willing to share-both the burden that another is carrying and our own inner resources."

"We need to understand the person who has the illness than to know the illness the person has. Everyone is different. How vital it is that we acknowledge and accept that fact! And although it is important to be informed of an illness like cancer, it is far more important to know and try to understand the person who is grappling with and the disease and to allow them the right to handle it in their own way. There are no pat answers when it comes to estimating how someone will come to terms with a life crisis." "The experience of loss is likely to cause depression and anxiety to a greater or lesser degree. How much a person suffers in this way depends on their natural temperament, their own inner resources, and baggage-past experiences and present problems (other than the illness)-that they bring with them into the situation. It does not have to happen, but if it does, we should not be surprised-it is not a sign of failure on their part or ours, but a normal human reaction. It needs to be recognized and accepted rather than ignored, and the patient needs to be loved through it rather than jollied out of it."

There are so many things that Marion Stroud shares in her book that altered my outlook about cancer and those who are suffering from it. But I guess the most touching message I had ever read-and will refresh it at all time-is the realization of a new beginning in the midst of the dilemma: I thought that after my father's illness that I had got the handle on it all, until three and a half years, ago, when I had to face the fact that the dark shadow of cancer had been cast across our family once more. Then I realized that I had to work my way through to peace and acceptance all over again. My husband is well at present, but we have to accept that he is living with the disease and we do not know what the future may hold. We haven't found that easy. But we can both say with confidence that facing the reality of death has given us a whole new perspective on our life together. We have proved that although the path through the valley of the shadow is dark and difficult, although grief and fear may tear at our hearts and doubt may threaten to send us headlong, God always goes before, to prepare the next step. Not only that, He also comes behind to gather us up when we have felt too weary to face another step. And as He lifts us up, He also collects our sadness and our mistakes, the opportunities taken and missed, our achievements and our failures, so that none of them is wasted and all can be used for our good, because God is in the business of new beginnings. And what He has done for us, he is ready and willing to do for everyone who turns to him in their needs.

Now that I have struggled back to the place where this certainty is once again a tried and tested rock beneath my feet, I can step out with renewed confidence and a wider perspective on life and death. If life is such a fragile and fleeting gift, I want, more than ever, to experience it fully before I die. I want to live trustingly, so that I will have no fear of the present or the future. I want to live lovingly with others, so that when I reach the end of my journey, there are no regrets or if onlys. I want to live so that every day has quality, not matter what quantity of time is allotted to me or to those whom I love. I want to live wisely, so that I can know what is truly worth the investment of my time. And most of all, I want to serve the purpose of God in my generation. This realization is the treasure that coming face to face with cancer has unearthed for me-and yes, it is worth the price.

FACE TO FACE WITH CANCER is a local publication of OMF Literature Inc. and is available at National Bookstores, PCBS, and other bookshops. If you want to now how you can own this most insightful book, you may call 4125543.