Hayden Kho is a giant at 6’3”. But in front of his 15-month-old daughter Scarlet Snow, his 36-year-old spirit becomes a child again — carefree, undaunted, secure and complete.
“Masayang maging Tatay,” Hayden begins, the joy of fatherhood indelibly written on his face, audibly heard in his tone.
“I have breakfast with Scarlet. She wakes up at 5:30 in the morning. I make sure to figure out how my day goes because I need to have lunch and dinner with her, too,” says Hayden, an entrepreneur who co-owns Synergy88 (an animation studio) and Loud Panda (a games and apps company). He is also part of the R&D team of the Belo Medical Group.
Hayden and the love of his life for 11 years now, Vicki Belo, the founder and medical director of the Belo Medical Group, have transformed into better, more caring individuals ever since Scarlet was born on March 3, 2015 via surrogacy. “Scarlet is 100 percent our baby,” Vicki says, adding that she doesn’t want her child to experience the bullying she got when she was a child, the days when her schoolmates called her “ampon.”
“When Scarlet arrived, she gave us the chance to be silly again. We became children again. Masayang maging Tatay,” says Hayden, training his sight to Scarlet who is now playing with his electric toothbrush at home. She plays with the toothbrush like a feather duster, scrubbing the spic-and-span floor of their home like an adult ready for domestic responsibilities. Hayden scratches his head at the sight of Scarlet playing with his toothbrush yet lets her be; maybe because it is very easy to replace a toothbrush but the experience of seeing his child play is momentous, priceless.
“She has plenty of toys,” Vicki says. “Nakakahiya nga sa mag nagreregalo because she throws away the toys but keeps the boxes. She reads (or at least observes) what’s written on the boxes. She loves reading the manuals of the toys, too.”
It’s very easy to understand the intelligence of Scarlet — both her parents (whom she calls now as “Daa” and “Maa”) are academically intelligent, to begin with. But a closer look at an ordinary day in the life of Scarlet, arguably the most famous baby now in the Philippines (she has more than 100,000 followers on Instagram as of this writing and is the endorser of Belo Baby products, which are 100-percent natural and chemical-free), will reveal how her innate intelligence is further turbo-propped.
“When she turned six months, her reading classes began, M-W-F. A teacher goes to the house to teach her how to read. She also started her music classes that time. Every Saturday, she has music classes,” Hayden says.
He adds: “On her eighth month, she began her swimming lessons every Wednesday afternoon and gymnastics every Friday afternoon.”
“I have a hashtag for Hayden because he is very hands on to the concerns of Scarlet: #TheWorldsBestFather. He is afraid of being in the water yet he is the one who brings Scarlet to her swimming lessons. He goes with her to the pool. He conquered his fears,” Vicki says, winking at Hayden.
“Vicki is the one who puts structure in Scarlet’s life. She’s very good in training and disciplining. In effect, Vicki is training me, too, to have structure. Me, I go by feel. I’m there when I am needed,” Hayden says, adding that “from nose up, Scarlet got it from me.” Of course, Vicki contests that in a jest.
In raising Scarlet, Hayden is the “bad cop”; Vicki, the “good cop.” The lessons the “bad cop” teaches Scarlet now revolves around “No,” “Wait” and “Obey” — things that both Hayden and Vicki learned from their Christian pastor.
“For me, it’s important to train the heart first before the mind,” says Hayden.
Vicki reveals that in the beginning, her two children Quark and Cristalle raised concerns about Vicki having a child again “because I am already old.” But when Scarlet came, both Quark and Cristalle were all over her. Vicki admits to the gnawing pain of missing on the childhood of her two adult children because when they were growing up, Vicki was in med school and training abroad to become today’s dermatologist to the stars. “My late mother Nena gave me the courage to have another child. She told me, ‘If it will make you happy, go for it.’ Oh, how she loved Scarlet, too!”
When they were conceiving the thought of bringing Scarlet to the world, Hayden had his own dilemma. He asked himself: “Can I provide for her? Can I keep her safe? Can I be the father that she needs? What is my business of bringing a child to the world?”
But all his concerns and luho disappeared when Scarlet was born. Now, the world is not about him anymore. He says when he goes to the mall, it’s not anymore to buy something for him or for Vicki. “I buy toys and books for Scarlet now. I also buy her dresses, though I must admit Vicki has a better fashion sense than me.”
Hayden also finds himself now reading books about parenting.
“Every day, I tell our daughter: ‘Scarlet you are beautiful, we love you. You are complete, you are important, you are cherished’,” he adds.
If Hayden had his way, he would love for Scarlet to become a medical engineer. “Not just a doctor but an engineer, too. I want her to be able to invent a laser or an equipment that will help a lot of people,” says Hayden who jokes that he wants to put a camera on Scarlet’s bib or lapel “so I would know what happens to her world, or see her smile all the time.” He also wants to invent a poo or pee detector so he can better care for Scarlet. (“In fairness to Hayden, between the two of us, he knows better when Scarlet “did” something to her diapers. He knows how to change diapers. He knows how to make milk for Scarlet,” Vicki says.)
“I know I am becoming over protective but I am also beginning to change that attitude. I just want to be the best father for our daughter. No one else can do this for her except me because I am her father. And no one else can be a better father for her than me,” he says.
Hayden knows that fatherhood is a serious vocation. It requires determination and love, selfless love. His challenge now is how to become consistent in the eyes of his child. He has to be a person consistent with his compassion, tenderness, respect, nobility and love.
This early, he has thought of the three important things he wants to pass on to Scarlet: the right values, education, and the tenderness of a father who does not only love his child but also the child’s mother.
“Scarlet is a constant reminder to me of the transformative power of God,” Hayden says. He looks back to the years 2008 and 2009. “I was a wreck then. I was a dangerous person,” he admits of his past, scandals and all.
One day, Hayden knows, Scarlet will read about his storied past. He is ready with his answers. “I will be very honest with her. I will tell her, ‘Scarlet, your dad was not always like this — the loving, doting dad, with desires to make you happy, to make you smile. Dad used to be a bad person. But it’s because of Jesus Christ that my life was changed.’ As young as possible, I want her to know who my God is.” Hayden will start his masters in Christian Apologetics at the Biola University in California in August.
He named his daughter Scarlet Snow from his favorite passage in the bible, Isaiah 1:18: “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” (All of Scarlet’s stuffed toys are named Isaiah.)
Scarlet Snow, all of 15 months, is the beam that shines upon Hayden’s soul, the anchor that moors his spirit. She is the joy he tucks in his heart as he tucks her to bed every night.
“With Scarlet, I am now complete,” Hayden ends.
(For your new beginnings, e-mail me at bumbaki@yahoo.com. I am also on Twitter @bum_tenorio and Instagram @bumtenorio. Have a blessed Sunday. Happy Father’s Day!)