What's in a name?

BULAGA! BULAGA! NGAK, NGEK, NGIK, NGOK, NGUK!

SINO NGA BA TALAGANG TINITIBOK

SA ELEKSYON SA U.S. AY LALAHOK —

JOHN MCCAIN NGA BA O SI DEMO’NG BARACK?

UNANG TINGIN ANG GUSTO KO

REPUBLICAN, BAKIT KANYO?

KASI’Y KUMPLETO REKADO,

MAY SARAH PALIN’G MABANGO.

PERO HINDI NAMAN TAYO PARE KO

NATURALMENTE AY MAKAKABOTO,

HINDI NAMAN KASI TAYO ‘MERKANO,

TAYO LAMANG AY MGA USISERO.

PERO KUNG KAMI AY INYONG

TATANUNGIN WHO IS OUR BET,

ANO PA BANG SASABIHIN —

ANG “CAIN” PAG ININGLES AY EAT!

BULAGA! BULAGA! NGAK, NGEK, NGIK, NGOK, NGUK!

HINDI LAMANG ‘YAN ANG TANGING DAHILAN,

ANG SARAH P. PAG LALONG INIKLIAN

MUY DELICIOSO SIEMPRE, ANG SARAP N’YAN!

KUNG MAY SAYSAY NGA PANGALAN,

SARAP NG KAIN NATIN N’YAN,

DAMAY NA RIN ATING BAYAN,

SI JUAN SANDAL KAY UNCLE SAM.

ANG “JOHN” SA JOHN MCCAIN ISA RING “JUAN,”

VICE-PRESIDENT SARAH’Y TAGA ALASKA,

KAYA KAYO MANIWALA STARZAN —

KASI AKO MAHILIG MANG-ALASKA!

Mas mababaw ang dahilan at sagot ng isang natanong namin kung sino ang napupusuan n’yang partido sa Amerika. Ang sagot niya, “Siguro tayong mga Pilipino dapat kina McCain, kasi hindi ba tayo’y Republican ng Pilipinas?” Ngak!

* * *

In the midst of the ongoing “war” between the two giant TV networks, the Novaliches station decided to play “close-open” on the second week of August this year. ABC 5 signed off when the Beijing Olympics opened on Aug. 8, then reopened as simply TV5 the next day.

I have good memories of ABC 5. As a matter of fact, I hold the record for doing the most number of TV shows with them — seven!

I’m likewise the major character of their longest-running show, Wow! Mali! — almost 11 years! And that’s not including the replays.

Eto pa ang pinakamatindi — I also hold the record for being in its shortest-running TV show — TVJ on 5 — one episode only! Ngek!

Nagulat kayo ‘no? Yes, the shortest-running TV show on ABC 5, and perhaps, too, in the entire history of Philippine television. Well, I’m certain that some of you are longing to know more about this short-lived performance. Okay, to make that “short” story long, here’s what happened: 

We used to have a show on Channel 13 called TVJ — s’yempre naman for Tito, Vic and Joey. I also believe that it was the shortest-titled show that time. Buti na lang, we were not the least-paid talents! Ngik!

The other details are not so clear to me now, like if it was co-produced with the station, or solely produced by an outsider. Ang tagal na kasi noon eh, basta may producer. One thing sure though, we intensely enjoyed doing the weekly tapings and as far as I’m concerned, TVJ was our funniest show as a triumvirate. It was well-written and all its comic capsules were of extra-strength. The ingredients were mostly from original ideas. Every week was indeed a special. Up to now, I haven’t seen any comedy-variety show quite like it. Imagine, seeing a Tagalized version of The Phantom of the Opera in a comic style, back-to-back with another musical sketch titled, Opera at the Operating Room — which up to now, I still consider, the funniest material we’ve done. Wow! ‘Tapos, sasabayan mo ng Tough Ten Hits which we used to do in Discorama in the ‘70s. Then there was Malakendeng Palace, wherein the government was entirely run by gays. Yes, a Gayvernment! It was really a riot. Plus the other very funny regulars including CNN (Coconut News Ngayon). I miss them all. Madalas kaming naiiyak noon sa katatawa, pero bago pa ako maiyak sa pag-alala, ituloy na natin ang kwento.

Anyway, one day and because of reasons I also no longer remember, we just decided to transfer to ABC 5. I don’t remember, too, if it was a friendly separation with the producer. By the way, this writer and as a triumvir of TVJ, I’ve never tried putting my finger into producing shows. Yung mga daliri ko pangsulat lang talaga. I’ve always been just the writer and idea man for the group. Vic has always been the businessman and Tito, at the time, was beginning to be busy with politics.

So without wasting precious time, we immediately taped the pilot for our new home, ABC 5. The title? S’yempre naging TVJ on 5 na. Aba, after the airing of the first episode, may tinanggap na kaming court injunction! Hindi namin pwedeng gamitin ang TVJ sa title. What? Pangalan namin hindi namin magamit? Ayun, pina-register pala ng magaling na former producer sa pangalan niya ang pangalan namin! Ang galing niya! Ang tatanga namin! Ngok!

So, that’s the long story of that “short” classic. That show eventually became Rock and Roll 2000 — and I think it was the very first TV show in the Philippines that used “2000” in its title. Record na naman!

And because ABC 5 was also a part of my TV life, I would like to help in my own little way to promote the station. Napag-alaman ko na ang bagong paingay o pauso ng TV5 ay “Shake Mo TV Mo!” Medyo mahaba yata. Paano yan sasabay sa mga “one of us” gimmicks ng GMA 7 at ABS-CBN (Kapuso, Kapamilya)? But let me help you…

Ang “shake” sa Tagalog ay “yugyog” o “nginig.” Pero hindi naman pwedeng “Kayugyog” o “Kanginig”dahil medyo walang dating at dahil ang usong letra ngayon ay “P” para sa “one of us” campaign — Pamilya o Puso. Well, may naisip ako na “P” para sa “shake” kung gusto niyo. Okay ba sa inyo ang — KAPASMA?

Nguk!