Accountability partners

The story or the statement did not get much coverage but it is worth talking about.

Reacting to the Korean Kissing scene, Mayor Sara Duterte is quoted as saying that from now on she intends to join her father the President in future foreign trips even at her own expense if only to put a stop to such incidents repeating itself. Cynics may dismiss the idea but it reminded me of the time when my friend Anthony Pangilinan made a suggestion of a similar sort.

Anthony and I both travel quite a lot as mentors, consultants and motivational speakers and our trips go far and wide. During one accidental meet-up, Anthony was traveling with one of his daughters named Hannah. I commented that it was a good idea to travel with children so they get to see their parents in action as well as spend time with them. Anthony added one more advantage that I never really thought of. Anthony suggested that I should regularly travel with my wife or daughter who is also named Hannah because aside from the benefits of being with family, it also serves as precaution and protection from the unexpected or the uninvited.

Many leaders who travel a lot can’t deny that being on the road has its challenges. For most guys it’s usually binge eating, binge drinking, and temptations of the flesh that can come by way of massages, discreet offers or peer pressure to see a “show” or have “fun” or the unexpected knock at the door, a foot in and then everything goes to hell. I’ve heard and witnessed some of these where a guy visiting Shanghai who in trying to be nice and polite by accepting an invitation to dinner ended up being presented with a $5,000 dollar bill for a meal that should have been $200 at the most. Of course it was a set-up and in minutes two thugs stood menacing over him. He was smart enough to say he needed to get money from his hotel room and called out his buddies and the hotel manager.

Another incident involved a guy in Hong Kong coming out of church, chats with a lady coming out from the same service and end up having an innocent dinner. Right in the middle of dinner the woman starts bawling out loud talking about her broken heart. The guy was so embarrassed by the scene and tried to disengage as quickly as possible. The problem was the woman latched on to the guy like an orphaned puppy and wanted to go to his hotel room. Fortunately he had a number of the local pastor and dialed for reinforcements.

Many of us obviously can’t travel with children who need to be at school. Many have working spouses as well and some simply can’t tag along due to the nature of our work or destinations. In those situations the best alternative is to have accountability partners and designated “gate keepers” and practice transparency in conducting ourselves especially in public.

Whether you are the President of the Philippines or the President in your family, having an accountability group or partner automatically places caution on thoughts, words and action. Just knowing that someone is watching you, keeping score and has been given the right or authority to hold you accountable is a substantial deterrent to scandalous conduct, foul and offensive language as well as conduct unbecoming. In this day and age many public figures are already held accountable on Facebook, Twitter or traditional media. But that has not really stopped many of us in our transgression. If anything those who feel threatened or disrespected by social media criticisms tend to respond with aggression. Sadly the greater the power the higher the position the stronger the resistance to accountability and correction.

We need to have trust in those who we give power to hold us accountable. That means we can be confident that their motives are for our best interest. We need to be assured that we will not be publicly shamed or scandalized, and lastly those we empower to hold us accountable have pure intentions are not tainted by personal, political even religious agendas.

While many might frown on Sara Duterte’s idea of watching her dad’s behavior and perhaps language on foreign trips, who else would be in a position and would have the guts to speak up to the President? Most of his cabinet members become gutless wonders in the face of Digong’s temper and tongue-lashing. I doubt very much if anyone could come close in terms of trustworthy levels as well as experience as Sara Duterte does, not to mention a shared path and vision with PRRD. Even President Duterte has at least once stated that Sara Duterte is something else referring to her tough and action oriented style. Not even the mighty Speaker of the House dared to cross swords or debate with Sara.

The truth is we Filipinos are “hen pecked” and generally subservient to daughters. Whether they pout or stick out their tongue, or make tampo, the Pinoy Papa is powerless against their daughters. There is also one thing that puts our feet on the ground as far as family and a select circle of people are concerned. Jesus pointed out the undeniable fact that: “A prophet has no honor in his own home or his hometown.” Our families know our imperfections, weaknesses and our feet of clay. Our very closest of friends and mentor know almost as much. And for some, their apos or grandchildren don’t really care much about who Lolos and Lolas are in public, because the grandchildren are the real Bosses at home. There is also the truth that young children and apos are unfiltered and the truth does come from the mouth of babes. Ultimately no one loves us as much as they do.

So to all the Presidents and bosses out there, consider having your own accountability circle. Even if you don’t agree with them you will at least gain a perspective closer to home; the place where you are family – not Boss.

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