This year I lost my mother. It was heart-wrenching to watch the vivacious woman I knew wither away before my eyes, physically and mentally, her memories so degraded she could no longer recognize her children.
The last message she managed to convey to me from her hospital bed was that she wanted to go home. It was agonizing to think she would have to spend the remainder of her life with an oxygen mask strapped to her face, unable to stand up or turn around in bed on her own.
Just 12 hours after being brought back to her own bedroom, she breathed her last.
A few months later, her bedridden elder sister passed away, from complications also arising from a prolonged battle with dementia.
My paternal relatives, on the other hand, have phenomenal memories, and a number of them have shown unusual longevity.
While dementia is not directly inherited, having one parent with the disease is still a risk factor. It’s a cruel illness and the prospect of suffering from it is terrifying.
Aside from maintaining a healthy lifestyle, I’m following the recommendation of medical experts and keeping myself mentally and physically active, learning new skills or reviving my youthful pursuits in music and visual arts.
At the same time, I’m checking out the countries where assisted dying is legal, including the cost and logistics. Having cared for my mother, I know the early symptoms of dementia. As soon as I detect a symptom, I’m bowing out of existence.
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There are dozens of countries, mostly in Europe, where assisted dying is legal. The most liberal is Switzerland, where assisted suicide (the patient self-administers the substance) has been legal since 1942. Even non-resident foreigners can avail themselves of assisted dying. But active euthanasia – wherein a doctor administers the lethal dose – is illegal.
According to the World Federation of Right to Die Societies (yes, there is such a group, consisting of more than 60 organizations from over 30 countries), Switzerland is the only country where assisted dying is considered a civil right rather than a medical process.
In the Netherlands since 2001, even minors aged 12 and above can be allowed voluntary euthanasia and assisted suicide for unbearable suffering.
Assisted dying has been legal in Belgium since 2002 for incurable conditions, unbearable suffering and psychiatric disorders.
More recently, assisted dying laws were passed in Canada in 2016, Spain (2021), Austria (2022), Portugal (2023) and in August this year, France. Assisted dying is legal or permitted in over 10 US states and the capital Washington, through the District of Columbia Death with Dignity Act of 2016.
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No Asian country allows assisted dying. Maybe it’s the culture, or because in most Asian societies, the younger generations still care for the elderly. But this could change as extended families shrink and younger generations opt to have just one child or none at all.
But living will – also called passive euthanasia – is allowed by law in places such as India, Singapore, South Korea, Thailand and Taiwan. This means a person has the legal right to draft a living will directing that he/she will refuse artificial life support, resuscitation or life-prolonging medical interventions in case of a terminal illness, unbearable suffering or related conditions.
In China, Shenzhen became the first city to legally recognize living wills in 2022.
I don’t think assisted dying will ever be legalized in predominantly Catholic Philippines in my lifetime, which is why I’m checking out the countries where it is allowed. But it’s a common practice for hospital staff in the Philippines to ask relatives of a patient who is terminally ill, in irreversible coma or who is clearly going through great suffering, for a written and signed instruction not to revive or resuscitate such a patient.
Once the DNR (do not revive/resuscitate) document is signed, the patient is moved to the palliative care section of the hospital.
There’s no specific law covering living wills in our country, but hospitals generally respect the decision of the relatives.
I’ve instructed my relatives about what to do in case something awful happens to me, but I’ve been told that it’s better to have a signed Durable Power of Attorney and a living will. It’s good not just for me, but also for the mental health of my relatives, so they don’t feel guilty about telling doctors to pull the plug already.
My mom died in April, but I reserved this topic for our days of remembering our dearly departed, and I believe families should have this conversation.
I want dignity in dying, and I’m sure there are others who feel the same.
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Halloween economic stimulus: And now for happier matters, I went to a mall on Saturday and was astonished by the huge number of children, from toddlers to teens, all decked out for Halloween. I’ve never seen such a large crowd having Halloween fun, in costumes that I knew weren’t cheap: a vampire or witch costume costs from P1,000 to P1,500.
The mall had a trick-or-treat program for the kids, but most of the families were just strolling and enjoying the Halloween vibe.
At nearby malls, traffic was heavy also because of Halloween activities. A neighboring upscale subdivision opened its gates to underprivileged children (who also came in full costume) for trick or treat.
Unlike in the US where kids go trick or treating at night, Halloween is celebrated by Pinoy kids in the afternoon.
Religious groups should not be party-poopers, linking the event to pagan rituals. Pinoy Halloween has become simply an occasion for family bonding and kid-friendly fun.
We’re a long way from Mexico’s Day of the Dead celebrations (coinciding with our Undas days), which have become tourism magnets. But the splurging on Halloween costumes, candies and family gatherings in restaurants was surely good news for our weakening economy.