Thoughts of a wedding godfather

Today, we fly to Cebu to stand as wedding sponsors to the son of my best friend for 30 years who was also my student in the Gullas Law school, UV in 1978. His son is a law student set to marry his classmate in law school. Both are in their early 30’s, rather late to the minds of baby boomers, but just in time, if we ask millennials. The wedding will be grand but private in a small church in Lahug, the reception will be in a famous hotel also in Lahug. I was asked to deliver a speech. What shall I tell them? I have been married to my wife for 39 years and last year, we went to Israel and renewed our marriage vows in Cana. Reenactment of the crime, I said jokingly.

First, I shall tell them marriage is more important than the wedding, that love is more important than romance. There are three kinds of love: First is the ‘’bubblegum love’’ which means that you love the person as long as he or she is sweet. When sweetness is gone, love is gone too. This is the shallowest kind of love and the cause of many divorces, annulments, and separations. Second is ‘’contractual love’’ or the ‘’endo’’ kind of attachment. It means “I love you as long as you love me. I serve you as long as you serve me. I will be faithful to you, if you remain faithful to me”. The moment I see in you the absence of love, I shall withdraw my love, affection, service, and faithfulness. It is conditional, transactional and utilitarian. The highest form of love is like the love of Christ: “I love you no matter what. I don’t care if you are no longer lovely or lovable, no matter if you don’t love me anymore, I shall remain loving you. Because my love for you is not a feeling, not an emotion, but a decision”.

Second, I will tell them to give each other five rings: engagement ring, wedding ring, caring, sharing, and suffering. Caring should be above all people, beyond all considerations, and across all boundaries of time and space. More than your mother and father, the spouse most and first of all. Sharing means that no one should keep information from the other. No secret bank accounts, secret Facebook account. Sharing is drinking from the same cup and sleeping in the same bed. Suffering means, the husband’s sadness is the wife’s sorrows. No one should feel pain alone.

Last, is very controversial. The Bible says: wives submit yourselves to your husband, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church. Husbands should love your wife as Christ loves His Church. In today’s world there are women who take the dominant role. But that is just for show. When it comes to crucial matters, serious and important decisions, wives should respect the husbands to make decisions, with inputs and suggestions from the wife. In minor decisions they say the wife makes the call. In major decisions the husband takes charge. What are major? Whether to support martial law in Mindanao, the husband decides. But to buy a new house or a new car, or go abroad, those are minor. Let the wife decide. Yes, I shall be telling them the wisdom I imbibed in 39 years of a challenging struggle of our colorful married life. They better listen well and learn from the master.