Mga Halu-halong hula-hula 2011

After the madames and the other showbiz manghuhula of all shapes and sizes, all manners and motives, after they have reviewed their 2010 stack of movie magazines and DVDs of showbiz talk shows (Startalk, Showbiz Central, E Live!, SNN, Tweet Biz and The Buzz) and dished out their list of “predictions” for showbiz denizens in the Year of the Rabbit…easy does it, see!...it’s Funfare’s turn to dust off its Crystal Ball and shuffle its worn-out Tarot Cards and make its own annual “halu-halong hula-hula” which are to be taken with one-eyed cynicism and with a grain of (Fidel) salt. Believe it or not but through the years, Funfare has had a better batting average (read: more credible, hehehehe!) than any or all of the showbiz’s manghuhula put together, with turban or without.

Okay, mga madame, here we go:

THE BLIND ITEMS

• It’s the Year of the Rabbit (did you know what a kuneho is notorious for?) and expect pregnancies out of wedlock (two of them the sister of an unwed actress-mother and an unwed actress mother…oh no, not again!). Caution: Pass the rubber, please!

• Unless they sort things out pronto, a popular (married) couple might be headed for splitsville due to, huhuhuhu, financial strains.

• Aside from Morning Star, more Kapamilya and some Kapuso will be lured by the Kapatid Network. A Kapamilya executive will resolve his dilemma whether to turn Kapatid or not.

• A semi-retired action star will hog the headlines for a reason that my Crystal Ball is vague (hazy signals, lowbatt kasi eh!) about. Will it have anything to do with a dangerous liaison?

• An already controversial actress will become even more so as she picks a fight with not only her blood relatives but also with others as well, all in the name of media mileage.

• A popular loveteam will go through rough sailing because the actor won’t be able to resist the “temptations” around him. One is never enough for somebody like him who attracts girls as a flypaper would flies. His girlfriend should be more vigilant and get pointers from Bobby Jaworski (the ’70s Toyota point-guard-turned-senator).

• If a good-looking director and his actress-girlfriend would break up (and I hope they wouldn’t), the celebrity daughter of a popular doctor would jump with joy because she has been secretly “eyeing” direk even if she’s going steady with another guy.

THE WIDE-AWAKE ITEMS

• Kris Aquino will find a new boyfriend but only after the verdict on her annulment case is handed down, hopefully before the year is over. Will the “mystery guy,” as we suggested on Startalk last Saturday, have the money and brains of MVP, the face of Piolo Pascual, the body of Derek Ramsay? (From Singapore where she’s vacationing with sons Joshua and Bimby until Jan. 8, Kris texted Funfare the following reaction to rumors linking him to Bacoor Mayor Strike Revilla: I went to Bacoor with Diet (Ocampo, my leading man in Dalaw) for gift-giving. Nanlinbre si Strike for New Year’s Day ng 500 constituents to watch Dalaw as a gesture of gratitude for my effort to share with his constituents. Walang anything between us. Mayor Jun Binay has also treated more than 600 in Makati to watch Dalaw.”)    

• James Yap will not be wanting as far as girls are concerned but he’s “holding back” and, like Kris, is only waiting for the same verdict before he will shout, “Now na!” Meanwhile, again like Kris, he claims to be, uhm, celibate (believe it or not!) even if he and Kris are friends again and can enjoy intimate togetherness if they want to. Still within legal bounds, di ba?

• Sarah Geronimo will start feeling “suffocated” by parental control and will declare independence (or some considerable measure of it). After all, she’s turning 23 this year. She might also start entertaining suitors. She’s being teased na naiiwanan by her colleagues in the romance department. All work and no play makes Jane a dull girl, remember?

• Despite their public pronouncement, Heart Evangelista and Daniel Matsunaga will not tie the knot, and neither will Dingdong Dantes and Marian Rivera nor Precious Lara Quigaman and Marco Alcaraz. But Jolina Magdangal and Rivermaya drummer Mark Escueta just might (subject to further “testing”).

• Kim Chiu will find a boyfriend that’s hers and hers alone, not shared with a benefactor of the third kind. Kim should stop her self-destructive tendency and avoid wallowing in self pity. She should bear in mind that there are hundreds of eligibles around, but she might have so little time.

• Shalani Soledad might eventually fall for her Willing Willie co-host Willie Revillame even if she said she frowned over babaeros (referring to nobody in particular, not to Willie or her ex-boyfriend P-Noy). As they say, walang matimtimang birhen sa matiyagang manalangin.

• Newly-wed Regine Velasquez and Ogie Alcasid won’t produce “a little Regine” or “a little Ogie” this year no matter how hard they try. But if they dance in Obando, Bulacan, heaven might smile at them. On the other hand, Ormoc Rep. Lucy Torres and Richard Gomez might make their 10-year-old daughter Juliana happy by giving her a little brother or little sister.

• Dr. Vicki Belo and Dr. Hayden Kho will not get married. What for? They’re happy “being together,” so why rock the boat, why fix it if it ain’t broke? But Robin Padilla and Mariel Rodriguez will in April, in church this time.

• Cristine Reyes will again rant in her Facebook when Rayver Cruz leaves her and goes back to…Sarah Geronimo (who will have the last laugh)? By the way, did you know that Rayver admitted on The Buzz that he was the one who squealed to Cristine what Sarah reportedly said on A.S.A.P. XV, making Cristine go ballistic in her Facebook (even belatedly dragging Sharon Cuneta into the mess by calling her a “pakialamerang baboy” when she suspected Sharon of “siding” with Sarah)? What Rayver did was ungentlemanly, wasn’t it?     

• Separated sweethearts but “still friends” Vic Sotto and Pia Guanio will find new partners. In fact, Pia is now dating a new guy named Steve (who was with the Guanio family during a post-Christmas vacation in China). Sa tingin n’yo ba paiiwan si Bossing Vic? Hindi, uy! Right, GZ?

• The “missing” Bebe Gandanghari will resurface with a big “surprise.”

(Warning: Funfare will not entertain inquiries about the identities of those in the “blind items.” The Crystal Ball didn’t tell who they were. Besides, the ball and cards can be wrong. Kaya nga hula-hula, eh, kayo naman!)

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