David Brooks is a cultural commentator who writes for the New York Times. And in his book he says: “In 1950, The Gallup Organization asked high school seniors if they consider themselves to be a very important person. At that point, 12 percent said “yes.”
The same question was asked in 2005, and the result wasn’t only 12 percent. Those who considered themselves very important actually soared to 80 percent this time.
There is this thing that psychologists call: the Narcissism Test.
They read “people statements” and ask if these apply to them.
Statements such as:
1. I like to be the center of attention.
2. I show off if I get the chance because I am extraordinary.
3. Somebody should write a biography about me.
The median narcissism score has risen 30 percent in the last two decades.
93 percent of young people scored higher than the middle score just twenty years ago.
The largest gain is in the number of people who agrees with the statement:
“I am an extraordinary person and I like to look at my body.”
This is a different world you and I are living in today.
I remember the time when I was taught to think humbly of myself. You stick to your job, respect the elderly, and work very hard towards achieving success.
The young people who follow this time-tested formula, when fueled by ubiquitous information, passion to excel and the drive for excellence will certainly attain success within the next few years.
But HR people and business owners come to me and confess that they see a different breed of people who are impatient and self-centered. Many of them are articulate but with low emotional intelligence, are disrespectful and worst of all…unable to face hardships, adversities or trials, which is not a good thing at all.
As an educator and trainer in the personal development genre, I realized that there is a major shift of life lessons taught in the homes.
Over the years, children were encouraged to see themselves as the center of the universe. And in their growing up years they see the shift from “Being humble serving others” to “What’s in it for me.”
Watch a popular TV show and you hear this famous celebrity say: “All you need to do is to believe in yourself.” And then the admiring audience gives out a sigh and assumes that what they just heard is a “Truism” and that belief is all they need in order to become the person they want to be or to have whatever it is they want to have.
Listen to the words of the so-called “motivational” speakers and take note of the clichés they express:
• “You are special.”
• “Trust yourself.”
• “Be true to yourself.”
Commencement speeches are larded with the same stuff:
• “Follow your passion.”
• “Do not accept limits.”
•“Chart your own course.”
• “You have a responsibility to do great things because you are so great.”
I remember a couple of years ago early in my speaking career when one seasoned speaker invited me up the stage to join her in chanting (complete with fist and feet-stomping routine) “If it’s got to be, then it’s up to me.”
And then there was this cultist-like fever that went through the whole audience and convinced them that if they chant and believe then what they wish for would come true. The gospel of “Self-Trust” becomes the central theme for their life lesson.
Fast forward to today. Should we still wonder why we are now living in the center of a “Selfie-Culture?” I even heard this song one time playing on the radio wherein a female voice chants the words “It’s all about me...”
Image management has replaced character development.
Instant success is sought rather than the process and discipline of skills building and attitude development.
Instead of having focus on others, focus is now on the self, and this is why there is a constant strife and rivalry happening in the work places. It is impossible to have many “centers” of the universe, isn’t that right?
But then there is still hope. Train young people in the work place about attitude and character development. Teach them values and challenge them to be excellent not only in their work, but in life as well. They will listen, however, they want lessons that make sense to them.
I spend a great deal of my training hours with this generation and they are extremely creative and adaptive. I learn from them too.
Contrary to what others would teach the young, I would rather focus on the following:
• To master their moods and emotions.
• To constantly strive for excellence.
• To understand the power of discipline and go through its process and most importantly…
• To consider that others are still better than themselves and therefore propel them to become lifelong learners.
There is a need to remind them that pride and a haughty spirit come before destruction and when they exalt themselves, they will be humbled and humiliated and that after all is said and done, humility is still the power that will bring them to success.
Through training and leadership modeling, we can teach the young how to “de-self” themselves and make the future a better place for everyone. They own it after all, don’t they?
(Send your high potential leaders and experience two inspiring days with Francis Kong learning leadership and life skills in his widely acclaimed Level Up Leadership this Oct. 27-28 at the EDSA Shangri-La Hotel. For further inquiries contact Inspire at 09178985010 or call 632-6310912 or 6310660 for details.)