Binatilyong kapatid ni Nadine, broken-hearted sa kapwa lalaki

‘Suicide note’ nakalkal

Nasagot na ang misteryo ng pagkamatay ni Isaiah Lustre, ang younger brother ni Nadine Lustre na kahapon, October 13, ang 17th birth anniversary. Napakasakit para sa Lustre family ang mawalan ng mahal sa buhay sa murang edad na 16.

Depression ang dahilan ng pagkitil ni Isaiah sa sariling buhay, base sa kanyang blog na nadiskubre ng pamilya niya.

Heartbroken si Isaiah sa isang tao na minahal niya pero hindi nagtagal ang relasyon nila.

Sa edad na 16, napakahusay magsulat ng kapa­tid ni Nadine at masyadong malalim ang pagkatao niya. Hindi pinangalanan ni Isaiah ang kapwa lalaki na kanyang minahal at naging sanhi ng depression niya.

Ang mababasa ninyo ang ilan sa mga blog post ni Isaiah bago siya pumanaw.

Ang isa ay may pamagat na Post Death na nagpapahiwatig ng tangka niya na tapusin ang sariling buhay.

“The painful reality. I’ve tried to kill myself, once, with a shard of glass in hand I tried to cut deep on my arms but to no avail, now that I look back to it now, what difference would it make? Absolutely nothing.

“When you die in this world people may hold a funeral for you, maybe a few people will cry, and leave some sad for days, weeks, months, years, then what? They all move on with their lives, why? Because there is no use in being sad, there is no use crying for something that is already gone, because it won’t change a god damn thing.

“People have bigger problems than me, some have none to eat, some have no roof to sleep under, some might be lying on their deathbed as we speak, I wish I could make a difference for those people, I wish when I die, I could somehow magically fix their problems, and maybe some of mine as well, but life doesn’t work that way.

“That being said, I wonder if I matter to anyone in this world, if I die what would happen to people around me, If I do, I wouldn’t want anyone to cry, I wouldn’t want anyone to be sad, because I don’t deserve it. I don’t need help, I don’t need intervention, I don’t need to talk about it, I need someone to show me what life is all about, I want someone to remind me why I should keep on going.”

Ito naman ang thoughts ni Isaiah tungkol sa relasyon na natapos at may pamagat na How does love work?

“I can’t keep pretending I’m fine. This break up thing is harder than I thought, it feels as if it gets harder everyday, everynight, I remember more and more about us, I keep coming back to the days everything was alright, I’ve been so careful since, I’ve tried being a good person, a better person.

“I went to the gym just to distract myself, now it doesn’t work anymore, whenever it rains, I feel the sting on my wounds as I watch the cars go by whenever I go home.

“They always say when you do good, it will come back to you, I’ve tried to do good, I’ve tried to keep myself from hurting anyone, I’ve just now realized it’s so hard to be nice to others when you yourself is suffering.

“All you can think of is trying to get through the day without breaking down, without trying to bury yourself under all the wrong you did, without crying, day and night I still cry.

“This love is pain, we both know that, we both know that its forced, I’m tired, you’re tired, how do we make this work?”