I survived the ‘year of sorrows’

It always feels good to say or wear the statement “I Survived …Whatever.” Whether it’s school, a catastrophe or a relationship gone wrong, and in our collective grief during 2017, it is a good thing to be able to say We Survived the Year of Sorrows!

On a personal note it was a Year of Sorrow having lost my beloved mother Marita Salcedo Beltran unexpectedly. Yes, she was getting on in years and as a family that has experienced the very early demise of our father Louie Beltran,  we have instinctively and biblically learned to number our days. But all that does not prepare you, not even the fact that you’ve been in the ICU for weeks. Because God placed the thought of eternity in our hearts, death will always be a surprise for many.

While I lost one of the three ladies I love the most in my life, I won’t close 2017 merely as The Year of Sorrows. For me it was a year when I learned to listen and notice God leading, teaching and moving in my life. At the very start of the year, I sensed God’s leading to divest or sell my toys otherwise known as my collectible classic and vintage cars. The plan was to set up a buffer fund for the year. If I ever had second thoughts about selling the cars, it all became so easy after I realized and eventually got sick and tired of the spoiled brat antics and itchy fingers of my crew. Restoring cars is an expensive and losing proposition so I sold everything I could at bargain prices – finished or unfinished. It was so liberating not to have to deal with the crew and the knowledge that I was losing hard earned money.

That by itself was already a major achievement for 2017, but only towards the end of the year did I realize why God wanted me to have a buffer fund. Unlike in previous years, I found my private sector consultancies and training opportunities dwindling. In comparison, I kept getting requests and invitations to train mid-level officials in government, particularly with the Department of Education, the PNP, the Land Transportation Office, the DAP and several others. As expected, most of those trainings were low budget or limited engagements. The income was on the low side but the sense of purpose and accomplishment and relationships developed are things I treasure as the year was about to end. God in his wisdom led me to create a buffer fund so the last thing I would have to worry about was having funds to support my family. Even better he closed doors in the private sector but opened so many windows to train and empower people in government.

Yes, 2017 was also physically challenging and painful for me due to my triple nerve compression on my spinal column. Yes, I had a short period of depression but it became the time when I began to take stock of what I did and did not do that resulted in my state of health. Regardless of how we feel or think, it ultimately becomes a matter of choice or what we choose to do or not do. So I chose to do pain management, exercise, and weight loss. Pain meds are no fun when you have a liver problem and with a schedule as insane as I had in 2017, I simply had to suck it up and “Just Do It!” The pay-off came during all the Christmas parties when friends and associates would point out: “Kuyang, you don’t use a cane anymore!” or “Cito, you’ve lost weight!”

I never thought much about it but just one year of having to walk around with a cane can change your entire attitude or perspective. YES! I don’t use the cane anymore. (To be honest there are days it could come in handy because people automatically act very nice to a white haired senior citizen with a cane! They even let you go in front of the line!).

Speaking of “nice people,” 2017 was also a year when I learned that friendships can be seasonal, situational or transactional. It was a year when those you counted on failed you, those you never expected stood up for you and old friends are like leaves that keep showing up in season. It was a year when I developed the art and patience to know what motivates people to act the way they do or do the things they do. Because when you master that skill you take the emotions and judgment in how we relate, treat or see others. We don’t have the same parents, did not go to the same schools, experience the same level of economics and tragedy and if there are as many different kinds of people, they also have as many different gods in their lives.

As I behaved this way, those whose eyes are closed by prejudice and judgment eventually started to look at me or treat me the same way they treated those who they did not like or agree with.  But unlike past years when this would affect me, it seemed to bother me less in 2017 because I now looked into what motivates or causes people to behave the way they do. Everybody says: You can’t please everyone and in 2017 I finally accepted that reality. Now I do so with a smile, pat them on the shoulder and go somewhere else pleasant. In a few years, the young or immature ultimately finds wisdom and the unreasonable and irrational eventually become irrelevant.

Yes its been quite a year but we all survived and being Filipinos we will surely be going into 2018 with the strongest belief that only Filipinos can muster that 2018 is going to be a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thank you for reading Ctalk and we wish you a New Year full of God’s presence and blessings along with good health and wisdom.

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