Texas gay marriage fight pits friend vs. friend

WACO, Texas — When a U.S. judge struck down the Texas ban on same-sex marriage this week, the decision showed how one of the most divisive social issues in the country can affect personal relationships: The gay plaintiff in the case is an old friend of Texas' top lawyer, who has vowed to defend the ban all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Both call it a remarkable coincidence. Texas attorney general Greg Abbott, a Republican who is running for governor, said Friday he still considers Mark Phariss a friend, even though they've lost touch in the past decade.

Abbott said he only realized Phariss was gay when his name appeared on the lawsuit, and said Phariss' sexuality doesn't change his opinion of him.

"It shows that on some of the hot-button issues of the day, we can have a civil discourse without harsh rhetoric," Abbott said.

Abbott will make Texas the latest conservative state that wants to take its newly rejected gay marriage ban to the Supreme Court, along with Oklahoma and Utah. A federal judge ruled Wednesday that Texas had no "rational" reason to deny same-sex couples the right to marry, but declined to enforce his decision pending Abbott's appeal.

Abbott made clear at a campaign stop Friday he doesn't approve of Phariss' quest to wed his longtime partner. He also expressed no sympathy at the thought of refusing his old friend the right to marry his partner of 16 years, Victor Holmes, a U.S. Air Force veteran.

"When the constitution is upheld, we're all winners," Abbott said.

Phariss and Abbott first met at Vanderbilt Law School. Phariss described two southerners — Phariss is from Oklahoma — as ideological opposites drawn together by their enjoyment of discussing politics over breezy dinners.

"If I was only friends with the people I agreed with, particularly in Texas, I wouldn't have many friends," Phariss told The Associated Press.

After leaving Vanderbilt, Abbott was crushed by a falling tree in Houston while out jogging. He was permanently paralyzed from the waist down, and upon hearing the news, Phariss flew to the hospital and spent two days with Abbott. He bought books to help him pass the time and kept Abbott's wife and mother company. A year later, Phariss said Abbott helped line up a job offer for him.

In the 1990s, when Abbott entered politics and was elected a state judge and later a Texas Supreme Court justice, he flew to San Antonio for a campaign stop. Phariss picked him up at the airport and drove him to meetings and a fundraiser.

Phariss, now 54 and an attorney near Dallas, said he was not openly gay at Vanderbilt. He dated girls and didn't ask out men, and didn't publicly reveal he was gay until his mid-30s.

Phariss said that while he and Abbott never discussed gay rights, he never detected hatred from his friend — who is now one of Texas' most conservative political leaders.

"I don't perceive from him any animus toward gay people," Phariss said. "I do remember, either in law school or after, (talking) about someone we thought might have been gay — we just kind of speculated whether a certain person might be gay. He didn't seem to have an issue with that."

Along with other same-sex couples, Phariss and Holmes sued the state after being denied a wedding license on their anniversary in August.

Phariss said the last time he and Abbott spoke was in Austin around 2004, shortly after Abbott became attorney general. He said Abbott won't get his vote for governor this fall because of his politics, but neither will Democrat Wendy Davis, Phariss said, because he doesn't like the idea of voting against his friend.

When Phariss and Holmes began putting a portrait of themselves on Christmas cards, Phariss said he's made note of which friends and family send a card back the following year — and which don't.

Abbott did.

"I secretly grinned," Phariss said. "I said, 'Good. Not a problem.'"