The Rules

ALLEZ - JV Araneta (The Freeman) - May 31, 2021 - 12:00am

If you think folks riding their bicycles are the same, you are wrong. There are layers upon layers of cyclists and most despise (although not overtly) each other to the core. For example, if you ask a MTBr or a roadie about what is a better bike, well, it won’t end well. How about the fixie vs the downhiller? Or the gravel vs the cyclocross  bikes vs triathlon bikes?

Of all the cycling disciplines, I’d think that its the roadies that all cyclists view as aloof. I am a roadie and all my bikes are road bikes, never had anything else, and I also think of it that way. We have a certain rules to follow (hahaha!) and there are road fashion police who’ll point out your wrongdoings.

So who makes the unenforceable laws? If you don’t know it yet, be careful. The Veominatti has eyes and ears all over the galaxy to enforce it. There are 95 rules that must be followed. I”ll pick out a few interesting ones.

#1 Obey the Rules. Very obvious.

#7 Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp.

#8 Saddles, bars, and tires shall be carefully matched. I mean, the colors should be matched. White saddle, white handlebar tape, white cable housings. Gets?

#11 Family does not come first. The bike does. The legend, Sean Kelly once said that the order of importance of his life was: Bike, car, wife.

#16 Respect the jersey. It means that only the World Champion should wear the rainbow jersey. No one else!

#17 Team Kits are for team members only. If you dont ride for Team BORA, please dont wear those knockoffs.

#24 Speeds and distances shall be referred to and measured in kilometers. Even the UCI follows these rules. Road races in the US and in Great Britain are measure in the kilometers, not miles.

#29 No European posterior Man-satchels. I have started seeing riders with these bags on their bikes. I can understand attaching bags on whole days rides, but going to Busay?

#33 Shave your legs. I know some folks find it weird for a man to shave his legs. But believe me, when you crash, it’ll be less painful during the daily dressing. Besides, its aerodynamic. Remember, “minimal gains’?

#37 The arms of the eyewear should be placed over the helmet straps. Never, ever, wear it under the straps!

#42 (This made me laugh!) A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run. “If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race. Also keep in mind that one should only swim in order to prevent drowning, and should only run if being chased. And even then, one should only run fast enough to prevent capture.” - velominati

#45 Slam your stem. Its the cheapest way to make your bike look like a pro bike.

I’ll continue with the other really interesting rules next time. If you want to read all of them, you can find it here: “www.velominati.com”

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