Don’t let anyone push yours buttons
LIFE'S ESSENCE - Katherine R. Oyson (The Freeman) - February 19, 2020 - 12:00am

There are people we meet in life that get our day ruined  because of their tactless comments. We lose our cool and we become upset; like what happened to a friend of mine when one day she met a classmate back in high school days who commented, “Oh my God, you’re so fat!” Without second thought, she replied, “How about you? You look so thin and pale as if you just came from the grave.” They parted with heavy hearts. After regaining her composure my friend asked herself, “Why did I comment in that manner?” 

Joel Osteen in his book, “Every Day a Friday” remarks: “When you allow what someone does to upset you, you’re allowing that person to control you.  When you say, ‘You make me mad,’ what you’re really doing is admitting that you’re giving away your power. As long as the person knows they can push this button and you’ll respond this way, and they can make this remark and you’ll get upset, you are giving them exactly what they want.

People have the right to say what they want, to do what they want, as long as it’s legal. And we have the right not to be offended. If somebody walks into a room and we grow tense, it’s because we’re putting too much importance on what that person thinks about us.

What a person says about you does not define who you are. His or her opinion of you does not determine your self-worth. Let that bounce off you like water off a duck’s back. This person has every right to an opinion, and you have every right to ignore it.

I’ve found that some people feel  that it’s their calling in life to point out what others are doing wrong. They’re constantly critical, always finding fault. There is nothing they would love more than to keep someone upset, and arguing, and always on the defensive.

Rise above that. You don’t need them to argue with you. You don’t have to win their approval. Let that go, and just be who God made you to be. You don’t have to respond to every critic. You  don’t have to prove yourself to them. Just stay on the high road and let God fight your battles for you.”

In the same vein, Don Miguel Ruiz in his book, “The Four Agreements,” is with the notion that people who are tactless are toxic people. They have  emotional garbage within their inner being. He advises, “Stay away from emotional vampires. They sap your energy.”

When feeling upset, here’s how to calm down as suggested by Trudi Griffin of wikiHow website:

• Count to 10. As you count imagine that with each number, you’re reaching a new level of calmness. Taking the time to count to 10 will give your mind some distance from what youre feeling, and it will help you respond less emotionally.

• Do breathing exercises to immediately relax. Find a place where you can be alone. For at least 10 minutes, focus on your breath. Breathe deeply and evenly during this time in order to oxygenate your brain, slow your heart rate, and eventually gain control of your emotions. Breathe while counting 1 to 10. Inhale on the even numbers and exhale on the odd numbers.

• Remove yourself from an upsetting situation. Avoid storming on if you are upset since that can cause communication breakdown between you and others. Try going for a long walk. Give yourself a break from thinking about what made you upset.

• Make yourself laugh to improve your mood. Think of a joke that always makes you laugh.

• Listen to a calming music. Take time to let whatever kind of music calms you down and wash over you while you beathe and relax.

• Do something physical to release tension. You can calm your mind through physical activity. Exercise releases endorphins which are natural chemicals that boost your mood. Moderate exercise can relieve stress and anxiety.

• Recognize that you cannot control others. The only person you can control is yourself. While you cannot completely shield or insulate yourself from the upsetting actions of others, you can nurture yourself and build a buffer against daily frustrations and situations. For example, you can’t control irresponsible drivers, annoying peers, or conflicts in relationships. But you can control how you respond to the situations.

• Avoid caffeine and sugar. Both of these substances can make your adrenal glands increase the production of stress hormones, which makes it easier for you to get upset and harder to remain calm.

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